ERMAHGERD ERTS DA TERP TERN PRERSPERCTS

One of my favorite scouts and writers, Keith Law, came out with his Top 100 list yesterday (for ESPN Insiders, I should specify), and since I can’t just completely rip his whole list and post it here and analyze, I’m gonna do his top ten in a completely different language to avoid any copyright issues.

So with the brilliantly simple use of this handy dandy translator, let’s take a look at KLaw’s Top Ten Prospects for the upcoming 2013 season.

NUMBER ONE: Texas Rangers SS, JERERCKSERN PRERFER

NUMBER TWO: St. Louis Cardinals OF, ERSCER TERVERERS

NUMBER THREE: Baltimore Orioles RHP, DERLERN BERNDER

NUMBER FOUR: Tampa Bay Rays OF, WERL MAHRS

NUMBER FIVE: Boston Red Sox SS, XERNDER BERGERTS

NUMBER SIX: Miami Marlins OF, CHRERSTERN YERLERCH

NUMBER SEVEN: Cleveland Indians SS, FRERNCERSC LERNDER

NUMBER EIGHT: Pittsburgh Pirates RHP, GERERT CERL

NUMBER NINE: Seattle Mariners RHP, TERJERN WERLKER

NUMBER TEN: Oakland Athletics SS, ERDERSERN RERSERL

There ya go. Now you know more about baseball.

Love,

CERSPERDERS FERMAHLER BERBERCER

Baseball America 2013 Best Tools Compilation: Offensive Tools

Oscar Taveras

There are an endless number of sites devoted to baseball prospects, and while I think it’s safe to say our personal favorite here at CFB is Baseball Prospectus, the other giant in the internet world of prospecting, Baseball America, does something extremely fascinating every year to go along with their Top 10 lists. They take 15 tools, from Best Hit Tool to Best Outfield Arm, and assign one player from each organization one of these distinctions. Over the past few months, I’ve been compiling them in a spreadsheet as the team lists have come out. They concluded with the San Francisco Giants last week, so all the Best Tools have been handed out. It should be noted that some of these lists came out before certain trades, so you will see some players (new Met Travis d’Arnaud, for example) on teams that they no longer play for. However, I think a general compilation of these tools is helpful and interesting to look at.

We’ll start with the offensive tools: Best Hit, Best Power, Best Strike Zone Discipline, Fastest Baserunner and Best Athlete. Enjoy !

A positional breakdown:

Best Hitter for Average:

  • 11 outfielders
  • 9 third basemen
  • 4 shortstops
  • 4 second basemen
  • 1 first baseman
  • 1 catcher

Best Power Hitter:

  • 12 outfielders
  • 7 third basemen
  • 6 first basemen
  • 3 catchers
  • 2 shortstops

Best Strike Zone Discipline:

  • 12 outfielders
  • 6 shortstops
  • 5 third basemen
  • 5 first basemen
  • 2 second basemen

Fastest Baserunner:

  • 24 outfielders
  • 5 shortstops
  • 1 second baseman

Best Athlete:

  • 26 outfielders
  • 2 third basemen
  • 1 shortstop
  • 1 right-handed pitcher

AL EAST

AL east offense

AL CENTRAL

AL central offense

AL WEST

AL west offense

NL EAST

NL east offense

NL CENTRAL

NL central offense

NL WEST

NL west offense

Rzepczynski a Scrabble Fraud?

Dude Looks Like Guy Fawkes

Yesterday the St. Louis Cardinals agreed to a one year 1.1 million dollar contract with reliever Marc Rzepcynski. No, that name isn’t the product of a meth addict falling asleep on a keyboard. Rzepcynski was actually a valuable part of the Cardinals bullpen that won the World Series in 2011. Out of this derp-worthy last name came the nickname Scrabble. Obviously Rzepczynski is more than 7 tiles, the maximum a scrabbler can hold at one time, but that’s not the point. The joke here is that both the name Rzepcynski and the game scrabble have lots of letters, but is this beloved nickname as fitting as we think? Can one really make that many words from the letters in Rzepcynski? Does Joe Maddon know Steve Madden? Lets find out.

According to grenci.com (sure that’ s not Greinke?) Rzepcynski can be rearranged to make 156 words. According to the established counting system in our society, that’s a lot of words. Here are some of the highlights:

3 Letter Words: 

  • Cry
  • Irk
  • Pin
  • Rye

4 Letter Words

  • Irks
  • Yerk
  • Zerk

5 Letter Words

  • Perky
  • Prick
  • Risky
  • Penis

6 Letter Words

  • Crikey
  • Pinker
  • Prices
  • Crispy
  • Nicker

7 Letter Words

  • Princes
  • Snicker

8 Letter Words

  • Snickery

Looks like Rzepcynski really was a good set of scrabble letters after all. Rest easy all those who weren’t resting so easy; Rzepcynski is safe. So in conclusion, we now know the name Rzepcynski is

  • Impossible to spell
  • A horrible pet name
  • Bartolo Colon’s wife’s safety word
  • Fun to make words from
  • A good scrabble hand