9 Things We Learned at Nationals Park On A Tuesday In June

This past Tuesday, Jake and I attended our first major league baseball game of the 2013 season. We watched the Arizona Diamondbacks lose to the Washington Natitudes 7-5 after nine innings of surprisingly mediocre baseball.

Boring game recaps be damned; here are the nine things we learned from this night of based ballz.

1. Wade Miley Is Almost Definitely Related To Miley Cyrus

During batting practice, we were kindly heckling some Diamondbacks players in right field as they shagged fly balls and probably talked about dirty things. At one point, Ian Kennedy and Wade Miley simultaneously drifted back for a fly ball. Kennedy grabbed it, but it was a near collision. After criticizing for their lack of communication, we finally had Wade’s attention. We had to ask.

“WADE ! ARE YOU RELATED TO MILEY ?!”

“What ?”

“You know…Miley…”

“Oh yeah…she’s my sister.”

Case closed.

2. Trevor Cahill Is Large

20130628-142408.jpg

When the D-backs starter for the night emerged from the dugout, we were surprised by the sheer size of him. He’s listed at 6″4 220 lbs but he looked to be the biggest player on the team. Just a big dude.

3. There Is No Minimum Height To Be On the Washington Nationals Grounds Crew

20130628-142250.jpg

We were sure this was Jose Altuve just doing some adorable charity work, but it seems to just be some lucky kid tasked with carrying a hose around. Sidenote: The Fox Sports West reporter at the bottom of the picture looked remarkably unhappy for the entire game.

Continue reading

2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably

We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.

THE PICKS

 THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic  Player From Marginally Impressive University

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential

THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch

THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white

THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States

THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut

Continue reading

Jason Giambi Over Time

Unspecified Relative: “Jason Giambi is still playing baseball?”

Me: “Yeah. He’s DHing for the Indians this year. He could have been the Rockies coach.”

Relative: “Isn’t he like 43?”

Me: “Yeah, he’s old. He also loves strip clubs.”

Relative: “Cool. Let’s go eat dinner.”

Me: “Sounds good. I like dinner.”

Like most people, Jason Giambi has aged. He has gotten older on a yearly basis since birth. These are pictures that chronicle said journey from adorable Alaskan Sweetheart to A’s A-Hole to Skanky Yankee to Old Dude. 

1990

Continue reading

So Kyle Blanks Walked Off the Phillies…

Last night, Padres first baseman/outfielder/resident gargantuan scored the tying run in the bottom of the ninth when Carlos Ruiz allowed a passed ball. In the bottom of the tenth, Blanks hit a walk-off single with the bases loaded to win the game for San Diego. None of this matters because I’ve been waiting for Kyle Blanks to do something interesting just to remind everyone that

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Blah

I’ll be honest, there isn’t much standing out to me on this fine Monday. The bottom of the walk leaderboard isn’t nearly as hilarious as it usually is, so I’ll just review the usual and mention a few new names.

  • Puig update: Miraculously, Yasiel Puig walked twice on Saturday. These were his first two unintentional walks of the year. He’s at 78 plate appearances on the season.
  • Jeff Keppinger walked two more times last week. He’s now got a total of six walks through 228 plate appearance. The White Sox are also not playing him very much anymore :(

Continue reading

Buxton Watch: The End of Buxton Watch

Welp, that didn’t take long. Yesterday, after going 2-5 with his tenth triple of the year, Byron Buxton, who clearly doesn’t care about our prospect viewing needs at all, was promoted to High-A Fort Myers. Twins GM Terry Ryan was apparently in attendance for the entirety of this past weekend’s series, and he liked what he saw. This won’t change our plan to see Cedar Rapids in Clinton, and there is still a plethora of talent on the two squads that we can’t wait to see. But the timing of this is just painful.

Continue reading

Dad Goes Yard: A Baseball Journey

“Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.” – Sandlot.

Every baseball career is, at some point, supposed to come to an end. For my dad, that year was 1978. After his senior year on the JFK High School varsity baseball team, he knew that he would probably never step back onto the diamond for a competitive game of ball. He knew it was time to hang em up and focus on things he was way better at. It turns out that Richard Mintz’s career wasn’t over that fateful day in 1978. He would have one last moment in the sun.

Hall of Fame Bound

I play for a baseball team called the Tenleytown Brewers. We play in an adult wood bat baseball league in the Washington DC Area. We have a roster of about 15 guys, but most nights we usually scrape by with nine dudes. The teams we play consist of guys trying to hold on to their dreams, which is equally depressing as it is entertaining. Last night was Saturday night, and considering that the majority of our roster is made up of guys in their early to mid 20’s who had better things to be doing on a Saturday night, we were short a player.

I called our coach, RJ, who also happens to be our third baseman and relief pitcher, to see if my dad would be needed to fill in as our ninth guy. He texted back: “We. Need. Richard.” So I gave dad the biggest pair of baseball pants I could find and we hopped in the car and drove out to McLean, VA.

Continue reading

Buxton Watch: 15 Days To Go

As some of you may know, Jake and I are going on a trip this summer. The beginning of that trip includes driving approximately 13 hours over two days on a magical quest to see Twins uber-prospect Byron Buxton play against the Clinton LumberKings in Clinton, Iowa on Monday, July 8th.There’s one problem: Buxton is way way way too good for the Midwest League. Through 67 games, Buxton is triple-slashing .34o/.429/.555. He’s also stolen 32 bases, drawn 43 walks and scored 67 runs. He’s too good, and he should be promoted.

Last week was the Midwest League All-Star break. It was assumed by most prospect enthusiasts that Buxton would be promoted to High-A Fort Myers after the break. By some miracle (see what I did there (they’re the Fort Myers Miracle)), Buxton remains in Cedar Rapids. Since the break, Buxton is 3-12 with three walks and three stolen bases. Last night, he hit his ninth triple of the year.

After his non-promotion, Twins assistant GM Rob Antony said “it won’t be long” before Buxton is bumped up.

Basically, as much as we love Buxton demoralizing Low-A competition, we’re desperately hoping that he remains at the level for three more weeks before heading off to the Florida State League. If he gets promoted, we’ll see be able to see guys like Max Kepler, Gabriel Guerrero, and such at Clinton, but the experience of seeing Buxton in person is something that could not be topped.

So I’m gonna be posting a daily update of what Buxton did the night before. Let’s cross our fingers for a sudden slump. The Buxton Watch begins.

15 Days To Go.

Puigseases

Recently, terms like Puigmania and Puigsanity have floated around the inter-webs. These conditions are serious and must be taken completely seriously. While not deadly, all Puig-related diseases are extremely contagious. Here is a real list of other “Puig-seases” to watch out for.

Puig-arrhea: Symptoms include an uncontrollable urge to release Puigs in various places.

Puig-abetes: Watch how much Puig you intake because it could effect your blood sugar.

The Chicken Puigs: Tiny Puigs will break out all over your body. Don’t scratch unless you want scars.

ADHPuig: You won’t be able to pay attention to anyone else but Puig.

O-Puig-sity: Nearly two thirds of Americans suffer from this. It’s only getting worse.

Scarlet Puig-ver: If you have heat flashes that only Cuban athletes can satisfy, seek immediate help.

Puig-raines:  A splitting Puig-ache. You have a constant need to swing at the first thing that comes anywhere near you.

Puig-atosis: You breath will start to smell like Puig. And that’s something nobody wants to be around.

Puig-monia: You’ll be vomiting up Puigs for days. Highly unpleasant.

Puig-ingitis: Little Puigs crawl up and down your spinal cord and swing violently at each vertebrae as if they’re first pitch fastballs.

Her-Puigs: It’s exactly what you think it is, and it’s awful. Use protection.

Puig-rectile Dysfunction (PD): If you have a Puig longer than four hours, contact your doctor.

NEW CHRIS DAVIS SHIRTLESS PICS

So I was at my grandfather’s house the other day cleaning up some of his old stuff in the basement. As I sifted through piles of aged rubbish, I couldn’t help but think that there might be something valuable for me to find. Lo and behold, under a pile of 30 year old pharmacy receipts, I found something wonderful. Something incoherently perfect. Something bold, beautiful, and bicep-laden. I found new Chris Davis photos. Total coincidence that he hit two bombs today. Drool at your own safety.

This pic shows Davis in peak physical shape; his 8-pac bulging out of his Thor-like chest.

Continue reading