Last week, I examined the majestic Microsoft tablet commercial that featured two of the most confused baseball scouts you could ever possibly dream up, as well as two general managers that love imaginary statistics. You can read my #analysis of that brilliant masterpiece by clicking here.

There’s another baseball inspired commercial that’s rather well known around the interwebz and that is the Head & Shoulders commercial starring The The Angels Angels of Anaheim’s two overpaid superstars: Straight-edge lefty C.J. Wilson and The Second Coming of Christ, Josh Hamilton.

I’ll admit, this one isn’t nearly as bad as the Microsoft one. This commercial is also only about 15 seconds so there wasn’t as much time for things to go horribly wrong. But it’s almost as fun to over-analyze so I’m gonna go ahead and do that. Here’s the commercial:

Frame by frame. LET’S DO THIS.

Spectacular opening. Our two demigods gracefully enter the shot with glorious heads of hair. There is an extremely derpy teammate in the background who is wearing number 13. There is no number 13 on the Angels, and definitely no one that looks like that…okay maybe if someone shrunk Jered Weaver and punched him in the face. This could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure lockers in the clubhouse are alphabetical. Clearly they attempted to portray this by placing a mysterious “White” to the left of Wilson…but they also went ahead and squeezed Josh Hamilton’s locker right between them. Simply reprehensible. Also keep in mind that this is clearly THE ANGELS’ CLUBHOUSE.

Hamilton continues to stare at us. Wilson explains that Head & Shoulders and Old Spice are now together. IN THE SAME BOTTLE. C.J, is also clearly winking at someone attractive to his left. I am 100% sure it’s Mike Trout. If you look behind Hamilton, we see another clear bottle of Head & Shoulders in Wilson’s locker. Did C.J. just STEAL Josh’s bottle?!? Does C.J. have 2bottles? Just not sure why they felt the need to product place another bottle of the same thing when Mr. Wilson is clearly showing us the bottle and then

BAM. Super HD close up of the bottle. C.J. seems to have placed it down in someone else’s locker that only consists of 2towels, a helmet, and some wristbands. It’s almost definitely either the first or third base coach’s locker. Not sure why Dino Ebel or Alfredo Griffin needs a bottle of Head & Shoulders but whatever.

Hamilton emerges from the dugout without his hat because duh. Derpy midget Not Jered Weaver hustles out to his mysterious position. Josh tells us that this mystical shampoo allows him to be 100% flake-free which is clearly helping his plate discipline. An unknown member of the Angels bench is checking Not Jered Weaver’s ass.

C.J. is making his way out to the mound while adding onto Josh’s previous statement. C.J. is also “100% handsome.” Okay. Take a moment to appreciate the stupendously fake background. Based on the previous clubhouse shot, I’d like to assume they’re at Angels Stadium even if it doesn’t look like it at all.

Yeah, C.J. is smirking like an idiot but just notice number 25 on the Reds coming up to bat. The Reds! They’re playing the Reds! Wait, why are they playing the Reds? A quick look at the 2013 schedule reminds me that the Angels opening series this year was in Cincinnati. Okay…so now they’re in Cincinnati. Also, there is no number 25 on the Reds, but the guy here looks like Chris Heisey to me so we’ll go with that. Don’t ask why he’s batting lefty.

Here we see Josh Hamilton in right field. He is turned around and is about to go track down a deep fly ball. The background now looks somewhat like Great American Ballpark so I guess we’ve officially transported to Cincy.

Hamilton jumps up at the wall in right center field. Notice the clear Cincinnati smoke stacks beyond the fence. Notice the attractive blonde staring at Josh’s head disapprovingly. Notice the fan behind the blonde not paying attention at all.

Hamilton leaps and makes the catch far above the wall. It is at this point that I realize HOLY SHIT HE COVERED A LOT OF GROUND. Casual.

This is when I point out that that attractive blonde is actually Josh Hamilton’s wife, Katie Chadwick. No, seriously. Oh and she’s just holding him up because duh. I love how most of the other fans are staring out into the infield and cheering when the play was just made merely feet to the left of them. Also, more advertising within advertising with the massive Head & Shoulders add on the wall.

Awkward romantic moment,

Awkwardest romantic moment.

Okay, this final shot is the one that really gets me. I’m bringing out the bullet points.

• Again, WOW JOSH HAMILTON YOU DO NOT HAVE THIS KIND OF RANGE.
• Why are the infielders casually reminding each other how many outs there are when Hamilton is still chillin’ at the top of the fence?
• Where/who is the center fielder? OH IT WAS MIKE TROUT. HE OBVIOUSLY COULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN TO THAT BALL FASTER THAN JOSH HAMILTON. *eternal sigh*
• The shortstop is white and wearing number 8. Number 8 on the Angels is Chris Nelson who is black and not a shortstop.
• Did Wilson even bring a hat to the game?
• Still trying to figure out HOW THEY GOT TO CINCINNATI
• why just why

***

Welp, there’s my take on it. Like last time, please let me know if I missed anything pressing. And in case anyone’s concerned about my (or Jake’s) college social life, I’m doing just fine and Jake probably is too….maybe.

<3 #CFB