Earlier today CFB did some digging into the Ryan Braun scandal. Here is the original first draft we found in Braun’s apartment.
Mom Fellow Players The World,
I am really
really sorry for what I did. I know it was wrong for me to take durgs. PED’s aren’t just the first three letters in the word pedophile, they are bad durgs that are awesome harmful to the human body.
To all the
hot girls kids: I’m sorry I let you down. The world should be a place where kids can trust the players they look up to and I am sorry that I fucked messed that up for you.
To my teammates: Thanks for
stabbing me in the back sticking by my side when things got rough. It’s good to know that I always have a great bed clubhouse to fall back on.
To the city of
Miwakee Mawalke Milwaulke Milwaukee: You have great beer, but you have an even greater heart. I appreciate all the angry letters support I’ve gotten over these past few months. Thanks you suck are the best.
To Rabbi Frank: Thanks for teaching me my torah portion and for helping me write this speech. I couldn’t have done it without you.
And Lastly to Mom: I’m sorry for never living up to your expectations. I know I’ve always been such a vilde chaya, but I hope you can forgive me. I’m
awesome sorry. Sincerely Love Rain Broon Ryan Braun
PS. Not working is awesome you should try it.
PPS. If you add e’s to PPS it’s Peepees. Thats