Episode 21: The Thunder From Down Under

It’s the 21st edition of the Barbecast so grab an alcoholic beverage, sit back, and enjoy this AUSSIE of an episode. Our special guest this week is JAKE FROM THE FUTURE. Sorta. It’s our first guestless episode since Episode 4 but we still managed to talk for a long time. Our e-mails included a lot of questions regarding Jake’s trip to Australia as well as some fantastic material from the regular e-mail superstars like Napolean and OBP. After that, we did another battle of amazing baseball names and then talked about Jake’s trip a little more extensively. We DID manage to have Lana Berry on for the 13th consecutive episode (oh my god Lana I am so sorry) and we talked about her favorite things from 2013. Oh, and our musical “guest” is the sounds of a didgeridoo because duh. Thanks for listening <3

iTunes link (rate and review us! seriously!): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357

Link to all previous podcasts: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/the-barbecast-cfb-podcast/

E-mail: cespedesfb@gmail.com

Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ

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New York Yankees Top 10 Shirseys

Click here to read a primer on our shirsey rankings. 
Click here to read the Yankees BP Top 10 Prospects.

Costanza, Giambi, Melky, Hafner, and Nunez write-ups are courtesy of Andrew Mearns, editor and writer over at Pinstripe Alley, the SB Nation Yankees blorrogrogrogrogorgorogog. You can follow him @MearnsPSA.

System Quote: “Derek Jeter really sucks at shortstop.”

Yankees Top Ten:

  1. George Costanza
  2. Jason Giambi Red
  3. Red Bernie Williams
  4. Melky Cabrera
  5. Derek Jeter Grease Stain
  6. Pink Toddler A-Rod
  7. Mark Teixiera
  8. Travis Hafner
  9. Tino Martinez
  10. Eduardo Nunez

Screen Shot 2013-12-18 at 4.26.14 PM1. George Costanza

Size: XL
Current Status: No longer available for purchase
Website: eBay
Price: $54.50 + $9.98 Shipping or Best offer
eBay Description: “GREAT FOR YANKEE FANS OR SEINFELD FANS VERY HARD TO FIND JERSEY”
The Tools: 9 derp; 7 awesomeness; 7 player obscurity; 5 potential color scheme; 2 price
What Happened to the Player in 2013: George Costanza continued to be a fictional character in the Seinfeld universe, serving as Assistant to the Traveling Secretary for the Yankees. Might have dealt with personal shrinkage problems and on an related note, suggest to Joe Girardi that the team wear cotton uniforms, as he did to Buck Showalter 19 years ago.
Strengths: You don’t see many fictional Yankees shirseys, let alone shirseys with the fantastic double-zero. No Yankee has ever worn zero, so it’s certainly unique in that regard. Also, Seinfeld.
Weaknesses: The price is insane. It was actually re-listed from its original asking price of $74.50. Stunned that it didn’t sell, amirite? Also, it’s no longer available, as the seller just settled for the best offer. I can only assume that the best offer was a couple of crayons and a pudding. Questions about shirsey legitimacy also raise some eyebrows.
Overall Future Potential: 6; Seinfeld isn’t likely to air again anytime soon, and more people will forget who George Costanza is.
Realistic Role: 2; it just occurred to me that people might think noted batting expert Jose Constanza joined the Yankees. Beware.
Risk Factor/Injury History: The shrinkage is a serious threat. Stay away from the pool.
The Year Ahead: SERENITY NOW!

Episode 20: They Usually Have Really Small Ears

lol we’ve literally done twenty podcasts. Our special guest this week is male human being Jason Parks, who knows a bit about baseball and slightly more about what’s wrong with Jeff Passan. You know who Jason Parks is. Prospect wise, we talked Bundy/Gausman, Bundy’s cutter, Lucas Giolito’s magical powers, Jason’s earliest scouting memory, and OBVIOUSLY Victor Sanchez. Duh. We also touched on a few topics with PG-13 floors and NC-17 ceilings. Our baseball-reference war of Negro League names got pretty intense as usual. Our second special guest was our good friend Sara from high school. We talked about Matt Wieters for about 90 seconds. Tales from Logdog with Lana was a rapid fire edition where we asked her a bunch of pointless questions. It was basically what we usually do except even more random and irrelevant to baseball. Our e-mails were solid-average with plenty of room for improvement but Napolean and OBP came through and that’s what matters. Thanks for listening <3 (Rate and review us on ze iTunes!)

iTunes link (rate and review us! seriously!): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357

Link to all previous podcasts: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/the-barbecast-cfb-podcast/

E-mail: cespedesfb@gmail.com

Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ

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Episode 19: Wrong For 17 Reasons

Our special guest this week is longtime friend of the blog/Twitterz, and one of the better Craigs out there, Craig Calcaterra of NBC’s HardballTalk. He was at the Winter Meetings so we talked to him about the craziness of the meetings and discussed the nature of reporting baseball rumors nowadays. Craig dished a lot of dirt because Craig is dirty. We love Craig.

To celebrate the podcast turning 19, we brought back THE OFFICIAL MINOR LEAGUE PITCHER OF CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE right-hander Kieran Lovegrove, who happens to be 19 years old. Kieran just spent a month in South Africa. Kieran was also born in South Africa. Kieran was there when the legendary Nelson Mandela passed away. We talked to him about that. We also quizzed him on which free agents signed where because he hasn’t had internet for a while. If you aren’t following Kieran yet, go do that please @Lovegrove19.

We had a plus-plus crop of e-mails this week including a discussion on an All-Retired team, Gizoogle, and a somber life lesson from Big Poop.

AND YEAH WE TALKED TO LANA BERRY. We briefly discussed where Matt Kemp is going to not get traded to and some other stupid stuff because that’s what Tales from Logdog is at this point.

Thanks for listening <3 Rate and review us on iTunes!

iTunes link (rate and review us! seriously!): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357

Link to all previous podcasts: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/the-barbecast-cfb-podcast/

E-mail: cespedesfb@gmail.com

Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ

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Baltimore Orioles Top 10 Shirseys

Click here to read a primer on our shirsey rankings. 
Click here to read the Orioles BP Top 10 Prospects.

Christ, Chen, Pie, and Sosa write-ups are courtesy of OUR GOOD FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL ROBBIE SHORR. You can find him nowhere. He is a nice guy. You would probably like him too.

System Quote: “The Bible is the cradle wherein Christ hits 53 home runs.”

Orioles Top Ten:

  1. Purple and Green Christ Davis
  2. Melvin Mora
  3. Koji Uehara
  4. Mandarin Chinese Wei-Yin Chen
  5. Vlad Guerrero
  6. Garret Olson
  7. Kevin Gregg
  8. Felix Pie
  9. Rafi Palmeiro
  10. Sammy Sosa

Screen Shot 2013-12-09 at 2.04.41 PM1. Purple and Green Christ Davis

 Size: S, M, L (Apparently they have more than one of these)

 Current Status: 10 available (10!)

 Website: eBay

 Price: $17.99

 eBay Description: “Nobody knows t-shirts like Gildan, and this classic Ultra Cotton style is a great choice for teams, giveaways, marathons or anyone’s T-shirt drawer.”

 The Tools: 7 derp; 6 awesomeness; 3 player obscurity; 7 potential color scheme; 5 price

What Happened to the Player in 2013: Everything. After a torrid start to the season, Davis took some time off because he died for our sins. When he eventually rose, Davis continued to hit balls far, breaking the Orioles single-season home run record.

Strengths: Contains a superhero reference. Is purple and green.

Weaknesses: Is purple and green. Doesn’t really help quiet steroid rumors. (I assume that whatever radioactive stuff gave Hulk his powers is a banned PED).

Overall Future Potential: 6; if you wear this at a bar, you’ll probably get a few high fives.

Realistic Role: 5; it’s highly unlikely Davis hits as many bombs as last year.

Risk Factor/Injury History: High; comes with all of the questions that any power-hitting shirsey faces in baseball today.

The Year Ahead: Davis will have to take a backseat to next year’s “Edwin Encarnacion.”

Wardrobe ETA: 2015

Screen Shot 2013-12-09 at 2.20.23 PM2. Melvin Mora

 Size: XL

 Current Status: Available for purchase

 Website: eBay

 Price: $3.84

 eBay Description: “Given away at Camden Yards. In 2008 or 2009.”

 The Tools: 6 derp; 6 awesomeness; 6 player obscurity; 6 design/color scheme; 8 price

What Happened to the Player in 2013: Melvin Mora spent most of his time at home taking care of his sextuplets.

Strengths: Like Mora, this shirt can play multiple positions. An extra large has the ability to clothe six children at the same damn time. Elite price.

Weaknesses: If you fear the devil, stay away from this shirsey. It features four different six grade tools and the number six on the back. Mora also has sextuplets. So yeah, beware. Also could be mistaken as a football coach shirsey.

Overall Future Potential: 6; because 6

Realistic Role: 6; because 6

Risk Factor/Injury History: Low; price eliminates any semblance of risk.

The Year Ahead: The sextuplets will turn 12, seriously strengthening Fallston, Maryland’s Little League All Star Team’s entire infield. THE MORAS ARE EVERYWHERE.

Wardrobe ETA: 666

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Toronto Blue Jays Top 10 Shirseys

Click here to read a primer on our shirsey rankings. 
Click here to read the Blue Jays BP Top 10 Prospects.

Arencibia, Lawrie, Halladay, and Snider write-ups are courtesy of the coolest Canadian in the history of ever, Andrew Stoeten (I literally don’t even know if he’s definitely Canadian). Andrew writes for DrunkJaysFans, a blorg on the Score network. He is funny and I’m pretty sure he has a beard. Go follow him on Twitter by CLICKING THIS SUDDENLY CAPS LOCKED SENTENCE.

System Quote: “YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO TAKE THE GAMER OUT OF THE GAME BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE THE GAMER OUT OF THE GAMER. FULL BORE. 25 HOURS A DAY. 8 DAYS A WEEK.”

Blue Jays Top Ten:

  1. Sexy Delgado
  2. Joe Carter
  3. J.P. Arencibia Twitter Handle
  4. Pink Brett Lawrie
  5. Roy Halladay
  6. Travis Snider
  7. Kyle Drabek
  8. Dustin McGowan
  9. @RickyRo24
  10. Yunel Escobar

Screen Shot 2013-12-03 at 2.44.53 PM1. Sexy Delgado

 Size: L

 Current Status: Available for purchase

 Website: eBay

 Price: $21.89 + $5.56 Shipping

 eBay Description: “Hello, I have a great jersey/shirt up for auction”

 The Tools: 5 derp; 8 awesomeness; 5 player obscurity; 7 design/color scheme; 4 price

What Happened to the Player in 2013: He was the hitting coach for the Puerto Rican WBC team. He was also inducted into the “Blue Jays Hall of Almost Good Enough But Still Finished Third In the AL East.”

Strengths: This is about as awesome as a shirsey gets. It takes the usually dreadful mid/late 2000’s Blue Jays uniform design and flips it on its head and makes it look good. It’s also a v-neck, which means you can wear it out to parties without feeling left out. Carlos Delgado is also one of the most awesome players to ever purposefully live in Canada.

Weaknesses: Questions about whether the shirsey tag applies here. The color scheme raises questions about the shirsey’s legitimacy and origin.

Overall Future Potential: 7; if this bad boy fits you well then you’ve got a good ten years ahead of you.

Realistic Role: 6; if the V-neck dips down too low we’ve got a seriously awkward situation going on.

Risk Factor/Injury History: Moderate; machine-washability unclear.

The Year Ahead: Should continue to develop into one of the coolest shirseys on the web.

Wardrobe ETA: REMEMBER THAT TIME DELGADO HIT FOUR JONRONS IN THE SAME GAME!

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Episode 18: Jedd Gyorko, America’s Dad

Yeah, it happened. We made it to our age. It’s the 18th Barbecast featuring Scott Weber of Lookout Landing and some variation of Jedd Gyorko. We talked to Scott about HOLY SHIT THE MARINERS ARE GONNA SIGN ROBINSON CANO and then spent too much time on Justin Smoak and the rest of the Mariners team. We also interviewed Mark Ling for the second time, the mastermind behind the Sacramento RiverCats Twitter account. He PWND the Reno Aces earlier this week so we asked him about being soulless and awesome. Tales from LogDog with Lana Berry covered Lana’s Hall of Fame Ballot but not THAT Hall of Fame Ballot. E-mails were above-average and that’s all you get to know. And OF COURSE we had another baseball-reference name war IN WHICH WE BOTH PICKED A TURKEY. Thanks for listening <3

iTunes link (rate and review us!): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357

Link to all previous podcasts: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/the-barbecast-cfb-podcast/

Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ

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Detroit Tigers Top 10 Shirseys

Click here to read a primer on our shirsey rankings. 

Click here to read the Tigers BP Top 10 Prospects.

Dontrelle, Shelton, and Perry write-ups are courtesy of Matt Sussman, our most recent special guest on the Barbecast. He is funny and you should like him. Follow him on Twitter @suss2hyphens.

Thompson and Thames write-ups are courtesy of Jordan Gorosh, our good friend over at TigersProspectReport. Go follow him too if you like hearing about what Eugenio Suarez is up to. 

System Quote: “You know, tigers are very unpredictable.”

Tigers Top Ten:

  1. Dontrelle Willis
  2. Horseman
  3. Dmitri Young
  4. Justin Thompson
  5. Joel Zumaya
  6. Chris Shelton
  7. Kenny Rogers
  8. Travis Fryman
  9. Ryan Perry
  10. Marcus Thames

Screen Shot 2013-11-29 at 8.45.28 PM

1. Dontrelle Willis

Size: M

 Current Status: Owned by Jake

 Website: Jake’s drawers

 Price: One million pesos

 eBay Description: “Very good shape”

 The Tools: 7 derp; 7 awesomeness; 4 player obscurity; 6 design/color scheme; questionable price

What Happened to the Player in 2013: Ended his brief retirement to sign minor-league contracts with the Cubs and Angels, with the Long Island Ducks in between. He still walks many batters.

Strengths: Great nickname (D-Train), great leg kick (D-Train Kick), was once a 22-game winner and the Rookie of the Year.

Weaknesses: Large amounts of cash causes him to break out in hives.

Overall Future Potential: 7; the potential of wearing a Dontrelle Willis original can be a positive experience. You can tell strangers “I saw one of his two Tigers wins in person.” (I did, but I do not have this shirt.) If the anecdote is successfully turned, you will become the life of the party that you most certainly crashed.

Realistic Role: 6; you can cut two additional holes into the shirt and make a dog shirt. A Dogtrelle Willis shirt.

Risk Factor/Injury History: Given that Willis’ DL trips in Detroit were officially because of “anxiety disorder,” that really makes this a melancholy shirt. It’s sad when a pitcher is sad and doesn’t pitch well, because preferably our pitchers have control issues grounded in funnier reasons, such as rattled by the core concept of “The Human Centipede,” or distracted by the pitching coach’s mustache or flatulence.

The Year Ahead: Quite possibly another spring training invite, because he’s Dontrelle freaking Willis and you’re not. Kick that leg to the skies.

Wardrobe ETA: 2018,

on his second comeback attempt with the Tigers.

Screen Shot 2013-11-29 at 8.47.02 PM2. Horseman

Size: XXL

 Current Status: Available for purchase

 Website: eBay

 Price: $14.96

 eBay Description: “Detroit Tigers #4 Four Horseman T-Shirt Jersey Sz XXL”

 The Tools: 7 derp; 4 awesomeness; 8 player obscurity; 6 design/color scheme; 5 price

What Happened to the Player in 2013: His lower, horse-ier half began to deteriorate, but his upper, more human side continued to grow ever so stronger.

Strengths: Custom shirseys that make their way onto the glorious utopia that is the eBay marketplace always sport at least plus-plus derp. Hopefully this belonged to a Tigers fan who wore a horse’s head to every game.

Weaknesses: Someone might take your name too literally and find a way to chop off your head. The number 4 on the back raises serious questions about whether there are three other horsemen running around. Previous owner may have been murdered and placed in someone’s bed, Karthoum style.

Overall Future Potential: Low 6; the elite derp offers a legit ceiling.

Realistic Role: 4; too many questions from your friends.

Risk Factor/Injury History: High; dependent on both horse and man.

The Year Ahead: Will do man things. Will do horse things as well.

Wardrobe ETA: When the horseman cometh.

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Episode 17: Light A Mupnorah

WARNING: This is probably our messiest Barbecast yet…but it’s a fun one. We literally lit the Hanukkah candles on the podcast. What more do you want? You can blame the weird audio quality on Jake’s microphone this time, and NOT on my internet.  Anyway, our special guest this week is Matt Sussman, one of the 38 funniest people on Twitter. We talked to him about a bunch of Detroit Tigers related stuff and his first ever joke. After that, Amanda Rykoff came on to talk about her ridiculously awesome experience in Curacao and how legendary Wladimir Balentien is. We recorded the e-mail segment with Jake’s mother and she provided plus-plus motherly commentary throughout. Tales from Logdog with Lana Berry covered some FOOTBALL YES FOOTBALL as well as where the hell Shelby Miller has been (SPOILER ALERT: HE GOT MARRIED). Oh, and of course we had another ridiculous baseball-reference name war. Sorry about the ending. Thanks for listening <3

iTunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357

Link to all previous podcasts: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/the-barbecast-cfb-podcast/

Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ

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