2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Chicago Cubs

Cube Eyes (plus Javier Baez)

cubs_withnames

Off-season Haiku:

Low-risk, high reward?

Yeah, okay, Jason Hammel.

Where is Tanaka?

Best Names in the Farm System:

  • RHP Trey McNutt
  • C Chadd Krist
  • C Yaniel Cabezas
  • OF Zeke DeVoss
  • OF Bijan Rademacher
  • 2B Gioskar Amaya
  • SS Guiseppe Papaccio
  • DH Rock Shoulders
  • OF Reggie Golden
  • RHP Jasvir Rakkar
  • C Cael Brockmeyer
  • OF Yasiel Balaguert
  • OF Charcer Burks
  • SS Varonex Cuevas
  • 1B Roney Alcala
  • OF Jenner Emeterio
  • RHP Adbert Alzolay
  • RHP Harrinson Bermudez
  • RHP Greyfer Eregua
  • LHP Yapson Gomez
  • RHP Brohiglyn Rivero
  • OF Shamil Ubiera
  • SS Frandy Delarosa
  • RHP Enderson Mercedes
  • 3B Wladimir Galindo
  • SS Gleyber Torres

FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS:

  • Clark the Cub starts the season in center field before being suspended for  being PED (Particularly Extremely Disturbing)
  • Instead of calling up Javier Baez to play shortstop, the Cubs will use his immense bat speed as a new form of energy to power all of Starlin Castro’s favorite electronic devices.
  • Anthony Rizzo will call for a press conference to formally announce he has Sinistrophobia. Everyone will be like, “duh”.
  • After months of intense negotiations, the Cubes will sign Welington Castillo to a team-friendly contract extension. They will convince him by giving him a full no-trade clause and the letter L that’s been missing from his first name for all these years.
  • Darwin Barney will crush DiMaggio’s record and hit safely in 74 consecutive games from June to August. 98% of his hits will be infield singles.

One comment to 2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Chicago Cubs

  1. […] Cespedes Family BBQ previews the Cubs in the way only CFBBQ can. Only complaint? How are you going to look at Cubs players eyes and not include Kris Bryant? […]

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