The Time I Struck Out A Minor League Pitcher

Yesterday, I pitched against a professional baseball player. What did you do yesterday?

BFF of the BBQ Kieran Lovegrove was the unlucky victim forced to stand toe to toe against America’s ROOGY. The setting was less than ideal, as I would prefer to be in a Major League park wearing actual baseball clothing. Forced to suffer through the reprehensible conditions in the parking lot behind the State College Spikes stadium, I had a great deal to overcome.

PITCH ONE:

I knew the legend known as Lovegrove struggles with hard stuff in under the hands so I decided to start off the at-bat with a two-seamer on the inner half. The devastating arm-side run on my fastball was too much for him to handle as he jammed the ball foul the other way.

PITCH TWO: 

Like every other developing Dominican fireballer, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time working on my change-up. Kieran had no chance on this pitch as the Hamels-esque break was just way too much for the South African sphere-slinger.

PITCH THREE:

The key to pitching, whether you are old, young, somewhere in-between, or Ramon Ortiz, is usually hard stuff in and soft stuff down. Consider this unhittable piece of filth to be soft stuff down in the zone. I just struck out a guy who once struck out Joey Gallo, who is the best power hitter in the minor leagues. SIGN ME UP.

BONUS PITCH:

I beaned his ass because I could. #AmericasROOGY4Lyfe

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