2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Colorado Rockies

charlie brown dinger

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Projected Lineup

CF: Car Leap Lake Man

RF: Car Lost Gun Soles

SS: Trout Who Lauren Ski

1B: Trusting Borneo

3B: No Lanyard Hey Nando

LF: Corny Tick Carton

C: Whaling Row Sorry Hoe

2B: Teach A Lame Hay Hue

SP: Whore Aiding La-Toaster

SP: Shoeless Chasing

SP: Caulk Header Ink

SP: Gourd and Liars

SP: Dialer Matchstick

Off-season Haiku

ARE THEY FINALLY

GONNA TRADE TULOWITZKI?

No. Of course not. Stop.

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Wilin Rosario off Mike Minor – 468 feet

This homer made it 10-6 in the fourth inning. #Coors4Ever

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Brandon Barnes off Sergio Romo – 304 feet

This was easily one of the craziest plays of the entire 2014 season, and a healthy reminder that Brandon Barnes had over 300 plate appearances for the Rockies last year.

Shortest Actual Home Run of 2014
Wilin Rosario off Cole Hamels – 351 feet

Rosario has his fair share of flaws as a baseball player, particularly defensively: he’s lead the league in passed balls for each of the past three years. However, hitting baseballs over the fence is not a problem for Mr. Rosario.

Best Names in the Farm System

  • LHP Buddy Boshers
  • 2B Angelys Nina
  • RHP Nate Striz
  • 3B Jayson Langfels
  • SS Trevor Story
  • RHP Huascar Brazoban
  • RHP Rayan Gonzalez
  • RHP Alving Mejias
  • C Abel Baker
  • OF Kyle Von Tungeln
  • 3B Dean Espy
  • RHP Johendi Jiminian
  • RHP Matt Pierpont
  • C Ashley Graeter
  • C Cambric Moye
  • SS Emerson Jimenez
  • 1B Correlle Prime
  • OF Raimel Tapia
  • RHP Eric Nedeljkovic
  • RHP Joel Payamps
  • LHP Helmis Rodriguez
  • RHP Grahamm Wiest
  • RHP Chad Zurat
  • 2B Sam Bumpers
  • OF Denzel Richardson
  • OF Marcos Derkes
  • LHP Yoely Bello
  • RHP Gavin Glanz
  • C Hamlet Marte
  • 2B Forrest Wall
  • OF Omar Carrizales
  • LHP Breiling Eusebio
  • RHP Salvador Justo
  • RHP Lorenz Ozuna
  • RHP Yohander Quintana
  • RHP Alejandro Requena
  • RHP Ismael Viloria
  • C Hidekel Gonzalez
  • C Wilkyns Jimenez

Three Bold Predictions

  • Charlie Blackmon and Corey Dickerson morph into one amorphous blob named Charcor¬†Blackdick.
  • After months of research, scientists discover that the only way to keep the ball from flying so far at Coors Field is to hot-box the entire stadium. Coors Field instantly boasts the highest attendance in the National League.
  • ¬†Troy Tulowitzki is playing for the Denver Nuggets by August.

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