Chris(t) Davis Hits 34th Home Run, Is Religion

The Most Holy of Men

Since the dawn of civilization, mankind has looked towards religion as a way to explain the way the world works. While there are differences in all of them, creation myths and deities tend to have significant through-lines, and tonight I feel prepared to publish my explanation as to why this happens. In the past, we have shown that Chris Davis is actually Jesus, but I believe there is more to it than that, that if you look closer, you can find Chris Davis in all religions.

Thor

THORDAVIS

Continue reading

Thoughts on the Final Vote Leaders

So, after a day and some change of voting, we know who our early leaders for the Final Vote for the All-Star Game are.

IN THE AL BATTLE OF THE SET-UP WE HAVE CHOSEN TO RAISE THE BAR.

RAISE THE BAR

AND IN THE NL WE OBVIOUSLY CHOSE YASIEL PU…… WHAT THE HELL FREDDIE FREEMAN IS WINNING ?!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE #BARVES FANS? YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE BEAST.

PUIGZILLA

THERE IS NO STOPPING HIS CONQUEST AND REIGN OF TERROR. HE WILL GO UNTIL ALL LIFE IS LONG GONE IN THE PUIGIVERSE, ALL BECAUSE YOU FAIL TO ACCEPT OUR NEW CUBAN OVERLORD.

BREAKING: #Hatchat For the Nation

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Good evening everyone, and bless this sacred land. By the work of those before us, hand picked by Based God himself, we now live in United States of America (Yeah, this post really does not work well for our international audience), a country that is probably not as cool as Iceland one of the best in history. That does not mean this country is perfect. From Slavery, the treatment of the Natives, and the civil war to todays problems with corruption, the economy, and the fact that liking that cat photo on Facebook in 2008 is stored in a sever in Utah. However, tonight I must warn you, a new threat has come to attempt to break our great nation apar….. OH GOD IT’S HERE.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. Oh okay, it might just be saying America and that’s being patriotic I gue…

Continue reading

Random Lad Named Jason “Recommends” Something

So, today the three of us were at the Baseball Prospectus event at Nationals Park (Jordan and Jake are currently traveling towards Akron, Ohio, with the goal to get to Clinton, Iowa, because they are crazy people), and we basked in the glory of Mike Mason Milhouse Malcolm Mark Ferrin, Jason Cole, Joe Hamrahi, a war-torn Jay Jaffe, Zach Mortimer, and other BP writers and associates. Internet friends came out in force for the event,  which also featured incredibly handsome Nationals Front Office members, and others. Oh wait I forgot someone who was there….. Oh yeah, the one shining star of Baseball Prospectus the entire internet, Jason Parks. We ended up talking with Parks, and for some dumb reason he checked out the blawg, and for reasons we still are not sure of, liked it.

Our Twitter following is surging and we are getting our largest number of page views for a day that does not involve Chris Davis wearing no shirt. Praise be unto you all.

Highlighting the Worst Hats In Baseball: Round Two

GURL

EY GURL

Oh god this trailer. Just Scorsese, and Kanye, and Leo, and McConaughey. Man that looks…… Wait, baseballs. So, unlike Round One, which was just a celebration of terrible things, all future rounds will be for one specific team (unless I get bored,  until I get bored). So then, through the magic of random pickings, today, we get none other than the Mets. LET’S GET TO THE HATS.

Hello, MS Paint

New York Mets MLB C-Dub 59FIFTY (100% Wool, $35)

Conceptually, this hat is fine. Simple red wool hat with a white logo. But then it gets made, and man that logo is garish. Like made by a 13 year old in GIMP who only knows what the outline of the logo is. The white on white look here is just really bad, and takes away from what could be an average hat.

So This Is A Thing

Continue reading

Highlighting the Worst Hats In Baseball: Round One

All of these hats are better than what is coming

By Andrew Meyer

Hello CFB readers. While Jake gave me an introduction earlier, I was (and still am) busy with school, and thus posting has been something hard to get around too while I work on projects/have panic attacks/wonder why the inevitable heat death of the universe is so far off.

I will do a formal introduction later on, but there is something much more important to discuss. Hats.

But while most talk of hats is joyous, there is also the dark side of hats, and the goal of this series is to highlight the worst that can be offered. Since this is the first entry, I will keep it short, plus I should be writing an English paper right now.

Note, it is “straw textured”

First off we have….. this…. wow. It’s official name is Miami Marlins MLB Straw-Fit Cap, and it is $38, and is 70% Paper. Never wear this outside, in any situation actually. The Marlins are kind of an easy target, and there are several other ones on the store that are worthy of inclusion, but this….. wow. It actually is not the worst Marlins hat I have ever seen, but it is close. Who is this targeted toward?  Like really? I cannot handle this. MORE THAN HALF OF THIS IS PAPER, THIS HAT HAS 20 GRADE DURABILITY. The actual Marlins Logo also looks bootleg here, and if they are going for this aesthetic, why use the default colors? Like, how does this happen?

Continue reading