2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: San Francisco Giants

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Projected Lineup

CF: Anal Pidgin

LF: Norway Checker Hay Yo Key

C: Puss Tarp Hussy

1B: Brown Down Bout

RF: Underpants

2B: Shop Hand Ink

3B: KCMG

SS: Bland Haunt Rockford

SP:  Maidstone Butt Corner

SP: Timid Son

SP: Make Gang

SP: Jacob Eevee

SP: Dim Lint Scone

Off-season Haiku

Even year champions!

Bumgarner is famous now

The Panda left you.

Farthest Home Run of 2014

Michael Morse off Tyler Chatwood – 458 feet

How many teams’ farthest home runs of 2014 have been to the opposite field? Still Coors, tho.
Shortest Home Run of 2014

Brandon Belt off Bartolo Colon – 337 feet

The fact that they had time to change the camera angle before the ball landed shows how much hangtime this hilarious dinger had.
Best Names in the Farm System

  • RHP Mike Broadway
  • RHP Austin Fleet
  • LHP Braulio Lara
  • C Myles Schroder
  • C Eliezer Zambrano
  • 3B Reegie Corona
  • 2B Skyler Stromsmoe
  • 3B Kelby Tomlinson
  • LHP Keurin Feliz
  • RHP Nick Vander Tuig
  • SS Ydwin Villegas
  • OF Chuckie Jones
  • RHP Keury Mella
  • LHP Andrew Leenhouts
  • 3B Ryder Jones
  • 1B Skyler Ewing
  • SS Travious Relaford
  • OF Joneshway Fargas
  • OF Shilo McCall
  • RHP Rayan Hernandez
  • RHP Rodolfo Martinez
  • RHP Kendry Melo
  • RHP Nolan Riggs
  • C Kleiber Rivas
  • 2B Christian Lichtenthaler
  • LHP Deiyerbert Bolivar
  • RHP Jonathan Loaisiga
  • RHP Olbis Parra
  • LHP Prebito Reyes
  • RHP Reymi Rodriguez
  • RHP Raffi Vizcaino
  • RHP Weilly Yan
  • RHP Eduin Villa
  • C Mecky Coronado
  • C Alilzon Rodriguez
  • 3B Hengerber Medina
  • OF Stanly German
  • OF Yendrys Gonzalez
  • DH Raiby Barias

Three Bold Predictions

  • Knowing that no matter what they have no chance to win the World Series this year but that they will most certainly win it next year, the Giants trade away all their good players for prospects, cash, and Barry Bonds bobbleheads.
  • After injuries to Pence, Belt, and Casey McGehee, the Giants resign a 50-year old Bonds to play 1B. Bonds slashes .248/.489/.567.
  • Joe Panik does just that.