2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: San Diego Padres

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Projected Lineup

3B: Ying-Yang Nervous Oh Latte

CF: Wilhelm Eyres

RF: Matic Imp

LF: Just Turnip Tin

1B: Honduras Lawn So

2B: Jedd Jerk-O

C: Dare Rick Norse

SS: Alex E. A Barista

SP: Jay Mush Heels

SP: Ann? Rue cash? NAH.

SP: Ty Sinner Awes

SP: E.N. Canada

SP: Ode Re-sign Mart Español

Off-season Haiku

Myers, Upton, Kemp,

Norris, Middlebrooks, Morrow,

Shields, *inhale*, AND CLINT BARMES!

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Seth Smith off Dan Haren – 447 feet

Only in Petco can the farthest home run of the year barely go over the fence.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Yonder Alonso off Jordan Lyles – 342

These is an example of a Yonder Alonso double that actually turned into a Yonder Alonso home run.

Best Names in the Farm System

  • RHP Stephen Kohlscheen
  • RHP Zack Segovia
  • C Griff Erickson
  • C Rocky Gale
  • OF Yeison Asencio
  • OF Rico Noel
  • RHP Zechariah Lemond
  • RHP James Needy
  • RHP Adys Portillo
  • RHP Alan Oaks
  • RHP Genison Reyes
  • 1B Luis Domoromo
  • OF Alberth Martinez
  • LHP Payton Baskette
  • RHP Colby Blueberg
  • RHP Jason Jester
  • RHP Justin Livengood
  • 2B Renaldo Bruguera
  • OF Franmil Reyes
  • SS Josh VanMeter
  • SS Franchy Cordero
  • 2B Jalen Goree
  • 2B River Stevens
  • OF Yale Rosen
  • RHP Jace Chancellor
  • RHP Jaimito Lebron
  • RHP Mayky Perez
  • RHP Starling Ynfante
  • SS Ruddy Giron
  • OF Euri Minaya
  • LHP Eisler Cordova
  • RHP Dinelson Lamet
  • RHP Rosmel Purroy
  • SS Westhers Magdaleno
  • OF Dayon Olmo
  • 2B Elys Ugueto

Three Bold Predictions

  • In order to make sure he never gets traded, Odrisamer Despaigne legally changes his name to San Diego Padres.
  • In an effort to maximize both health and performance, Josh Johnson and Brandon Morrow literally share the 5th spot in the rotation, each taking turns every other inning during their starts.
  • A.J. Preller spends the entire season trying to convince impending free agent Justin Upton to sign an extension, without Rymer reason.