Benching In Baseball

Yasiel Puig got benched the other day for being late to the ballpark. His coach sat him down for “the good of the team.” The Twittersphere is up in arms about how Puig’s benching was a pointless act that hurt the Doyers. I disagree. Benching players is an important part of the game because it has always been this way so of course it’s right. Duh. If I was the manager of every major league baseball team, there would be a number of players I would bench.

Yadier Molina

  • You’re always messing around during the game. Why are you the only player sitting down while all the other ones are standing up like adults? YOU’VE BEEN:

Hanley Ramirez

  • You accidentally nonchalantly kicked a baseball 5 years ago which is completely unacceptable. This isn’t soccer, bro. Get it together. YOU’VE BEEN:

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Thoughts on the Final Vote Leaders

So, after a day and some change of voting, we know who our early leaders for the Final Vote for the All-Star Game are.

IN THE AL BATTLE OF THE SET-UP WE HAVE CHOSEN TO RAISE THE BAR.

RAISE THE BAR

AND IN THE NL WE OBVIOUSLY CHOSE YASIEL PU…… WHAT THE HELL FREDDIE FREEMAN IS WINNING ?!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE #BARVES FANS? YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE BEAST.

PUIGZILLA

THERE IS NO STOPPING HIS CONQUEST AND REIGN OF TERROR. HE WILL GO UNTIL ALL LIFE IS LONG GONE IN THE PUIGIVERSE, ALL BECAUSE YOU FAIL TO ACCEPT OUR NEW CUBAN OVERLORD.

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Blah

I’ll be honest, there isn’t much standing out to me on this fine Monday. The bottom of the walk leaderboard isn’t nearly as hilarious as it usually is, so I’ll just review the usual and mention a few new names.

  • Puig update: Miraculously, Yasiel Puig walked twice on Saturday. These were his first two unintentional walks of the year. He’s at 78 plate appearances on the season.
  • Jeff Keppinger walked two more times last week. He’s now got a total of six walks through 228 plate appearance. The White Sox are also not playing him very much anymore :(

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Puigseases

Recently, terms like Puigmania and Puigsanity have floated around the inter-webs. These conditions are serious and must be taken completely seriously. While not deadly, all Puig-related diseases are extremely contagious. Here is a real list of other “Puig-seases” to watch out for.

Puig-arrhea: Symptoms include an uncontrollable urge to release Puigs in various places.

Puig-abetes: Watch how much Puig you intake because it could effect your blood sugar.

The Chicken Puigs: Tiny Puigs will break out all over your body. Don’t scratch unless you want scars.

ADHPuig: You won’t be able to pay attention to anyone else but Puig.

O-Puig-sity: Nearly two thirds of Americans suffer from this. It’s only getting worse.

Scarlet Puig-ver: If you have heat flashes that only Cuban athletes can satisfy, seek immediate help.

Puig-raines:  A splitting Puig-ache. You have a constant need to swing at the first thing that comes anywhere near you.

Puig-atosis: You breath will start to smell like Puig. And that’s something nobody wants to be around.

Puig-monia: You’ll be vomiting up Puigs for days. Highly unpleasant.

Puig-ingitis: Little Puigs crawl up and down your spinal cord and swing violently at each vertebrae as if they’re first pitch fastballs.

Her-Puigs: It’s exactly what you think it is, and it’s awful. Use protection.

Puig-rectile Dysfunction (PD): If you have a Puig longer than four hours, contact your doctor.

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Puig Approaches

This has been a fun journey this year, keeping track of walk totals on a weekly basis. It gives me an unexplained amount of joy to check FanGraphs on Monday mornings to see who’s been impatient this past week. Yasiel Puig, an undeniable fan of CFB, has clearly taken note of this and has decided to pitch in by allowing me to use his name, Yasiel Puig, in this post.

Thanks, Yasiel Puig. Thank you for not being unintentionally walked once through your first 50 major league plate appearances.

We’ll obviously be watching Yasiel Puig, like the rest of the world, in his KeppQuest to walkless nirvana.

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A Puig of Their Own

So I kind of took a break with the whole photo-shopping thing for a couple reasons. I don’t think I’m that good at it, they are extremely cheesy, and they take up a lot of time. Recently, Jordan has been on me about doing more of them so I finally gave in. So without further ado, I present to you the newest Hollywood Blockbuster about one ragtag dreamer who dared to believe: A Puig of Their Own.