Swisher Signs With Indians: No One Cares

Here are a couple of facts.

  • Nick Swisher signed with the Indians yesterday for a total of 4 years 56 million dollars.
  • Nick Swisher is probably not worth that much money.
  • Nick Swisher has gonorrhea. (probably not true)
  • The Indians could have bought a lot of cool things instead of Nick Swisher.
  • Nick Swisher makes the Indians a better team.
  • The Cleveland Indians play in Cleveland.

By adding Swisher, the Indians solidify their outfield and their lineup. They might not be contenders for the AL crown, but the Indians aren’t necessarily laughable. They have a strong lineup anchored by Santana, Kipnis, Cabrera, and Swisher. If Stubbs finds himself and realizes that strikeouts are bad, the Indians could really make some noise in the AL central next year.

But does anyone really care?

Let’s face it, the Indians probably don’t have enough pitching depth to really contend with the Tigers for the division. They’ll probably get off to the same hot start they’ve had the last two seasons. They’ll probably hang around a little longer this year considering they have a better lineup. They’ll probably fade away because Cory Kluber is currently their fourth starter. Core Kluber sounds like the kid who sat by himself at lunch eating his own boogers, not a major league pitcher.

In the grand scheme of the 2013 Major League Baseball Season, Nick Swisher signing with the Indians is completely irrelevant. It will make the Indians a bit better, but no one will care. One must remember the last of the facts listed above. The Indians play in Cleveland. That alone should deem the Indians irrelevant for the foreseeable future. (Just kidding. I love you Cleveland.)

Trade Swag: Jays Get the Dickey

The Blue Jays are overpaying to get R.A. Dickey, but are doing so at the perfect time.

The Toronto Blue Jays trade C Travis D’Arnaud, P Noah Syndergaard, C John Buck, and an unnamed prospect to the New York Mets for P R.A. Dickey, C Josh Thole, and an unnamed prospect.

The Toronto Blue Jays are going for it. And on the surface it looks insane. Alex Anthopolopolopolopolopolis is giving up his system’s top two prospects, D’Arnaud and Syndergaard, in exchange for a 38 year old knuckleball pitcher. While there’s no doubt that the Jays paid a steep price, it was worth it. They’ve decided to try to win now, which is certainly true considering they’ve mortgaged a significant part of their farm system for current big league talent.

What They Gave Up

Travis D’Arnaud: Traded to the Jays in the Roy Halladay deal, D’Arnaud shot up the Jays prospect rankings as the rare catcher who combines above average receiving skills with an average hit tool. He’s not Yadier behind the dish, but he’ll be able to competently play the postion at the major league level. His most impressive tool is probably his power which could translate to 15-25 HR’s a year; extremely valuable from the catching postion. Coming off and injury that derailed the end of his 2012 season, D’Arnaud might start the year in AAA Las Vegas, but he’ll be catching in the majors by June at the latest.


Noah Syndergaard: This is a big, big boy. Drafted by the Jays in the 1st round back in 2010 Syndergaard has the potential to be a high-end, number-two starter at the big league level. His biggest asset is the fact that he is 6″5. No shit. Being so tall allows him to get good plane on his fastball which sits around 95 and has touched 100. Syndergaard will start the year in pitcher-friendly High-A Port St. Lucie and if he develops as expected, he should finish out the year in Double-A Binghamton. Syndergaard makes the 2015 Mets starting rotation something to dream and drool over, alongside Matt Harvey, Zack Wheeler, and Jonathan Niese.


John Buck: John Buck is what he is: a second division catcher. There’s a reason why he’s already been traded twice this offseason. If I’m John Buck, I’m still sad about being traded for Jeff Mathis because Jeff Mathis is awful at baseball. In all seriousness, Buck should start the year as the Mets starting catcher until D’Arnaud is ready to make the new Citi Field fences his bitch.


Unnamed Prospect: Unnamed prospect probably isn’t very good. He probably has a name. Not sure why the Jays and Mets had to swap random guys here.


What They Got Back

Robert Allen (R.A.) Dickey: Born without a UCL (that pesky Tommy John ligament), Dickey was drafted as a regular pitcher, but reinvented himself as a knuckleballer and boy was 2012 fun to watch. Whether he won the Cy Young based on merit or based on story is irrelevant; R.A. Dickey can pitch. He can do things with a baseball that shouldn’t be possible.  In Dickey, the Jays get a guy who can slip right into rotation and can help them win now.


Josh Thole: Josh Thole will platoon behind the dish with J.P. Arencibia. Other than being extremely average, Josh Thole is extremely average.


Unnamed Prospect: Same name as the guy he was traded for.


Fake Yankee News of the Week: Catching Situation Update

Chris(t) Stewart is ugly.

Chris Stewart has officially requested a trade, ESPN reported earlier today. “I’d like to go somewhere cold,” he stated in the interview, “somewhere really cold. Not fake cold like New York or Minnesota, but real cold, like Canada or Russia.”

This news further exacerbated an already sore situation, as it was tragically announced this weekend that Francisco Cervelli and Austine Romine each suffered severed left arms during a pillow fight over the starting job.

In his official press meeting this morning, Girardi responded violently when asked if he missed Russell Martin. “ABSOLUTELY NOT,” he howled, lashing out savagely at the air in front of him.

The manager’s outburst was followed by a moment of complete silence, described by one witness as a “serene calm.” Girardi then stared upwards for about a minute, and, eventually focusing on the confused reporters, whispered, “I’m coming back.”

When asked to elaborate, Girardi officially tendered his resignation as manager and announced his impending comeback. “Call Yogi,” he added. “I’m gonna need a backup.”