9 Things We Learned at Nationals Park On A Tuesday In June

This past Tuesday, Jake and I attended our first major league baseball game of the 2013 season. We watched the Arizona Diamondbacks lose to the Washington Natitudes 7-5 after nine innings of surprisingly mediocre baseball.

Boring game recaps be damned; here are the nine things we learned from this night of based ballz.

1. Wade Miley Is Almost Definitely Related To Miley Cyrus

During batting practice, we were kindly heckling some Diamondbacks players in right field as they shagged fly balls and probably talked about dirty things. At one point, Ian Kennedy and Wade Miley simultaneously drifted back for a fly ball. Kennedy grabbed it, but it was a near collision. After criticizing for their lack of communication, we finally had Wade’s attention. We had to ask.

“WADE ! ARE YOU RELATED TO MILEY ?!”

“What ?”

“You know…Miley…”

“Oh yeah…she’s my sister.”

Case closed.

2. Trevor Cahill Is Large

20130628-142408.jpg

When the D-backs starter for the night emerged from the dugout, we were surprised by the sheer size of him. He’s listed at 6″4 220 lbs but he looked to be the biggest player on the team. Just a big dude.

3. There Is No Minimum Height To Be On the Washington Nationals Grounds Crew

20130628-142250.jpg

We were sure this was Jose Altuve just doing some adorable charity work, but it seems to just be some lucky kid tasked with carrying a hose around. Sidenote: The Fox Sports West reporter at the bottom of the picture looked remarkably unhappy for the entire game.

Continue reading

Advertisements

2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably

We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.

THE PICKS

 THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic  Player From Marginally Impressive University

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential

THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch

THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white

THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States

THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut

Continue reading

2013 NBA Draft Recap Probably

We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever

THE PICKS

 THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic African-American Player From Marginally Impressive University

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential

THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch

THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; has a lot of black friends; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white

THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States

THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut

Continue reading

Jason Giambi Over Time

Unspecified Relative: “Jason Giambi is still playing baseball?”

Me: “Yeah. He’s DHing for the Indians this year. He could have been the Rockies coach.”

Relative: “Isn’t he like 43?”

Me: “Yeah, he’s old. He also loves strip clubs.”

Relative: “Cool. Let’s go eat dinner.”

Me: “Sounds good. I like dinner.”

Like most people, Jason Giambi has aged. He has gotten older on a yearly basis since birth. These are pictures that chronicle said journey from adorable Alaskan Sweetheart to A’s A-Hole to Skanky Yankee to Old Dude. 

1990

Continue reading

So Kyle Blanks Walked Off the Phillies…

Last night, Padres first baseman/outfielder/resident gargantuan scored the tying run in the bottom of the ninth when Carlos Ruiz allowed a passed ball. In the bottom of the tenth, Blanks hit a walk-off single with the bases loaded to win the game for San Diego. None of this matters because I’ve been waiting for Kyle Blanks to do something interesting just to remind everyone that

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Blah

I’ll be honest, there isn’t much standing out to me on this fine Monday. The bottom of the walk leaderboard isn’t nearly as hilarious as it usually is, so I’ll just review the usual and mention a few new names.

  • Puig update: Miraculously, Yasiel Puig walked twice on Saturday. These were his first two unintentional walks of the year. He’s at 78 plate appearances on the season.
  • Jeff Keppinger walked two more times last week. He’s now got a total of six walks through 228 plate appearance. The White Sox are also not playing him very much anymore :(

Continue reading

Buxton Watch: The End of Buxton Watch

Welp, that didn’t take long. Yesterday, after going 2-5 with his tenth triple of the year, Byron Buxton, who clearly doesn’t care about our prospect viewing needs at all, was promoted to High-A Fort Myers. Twins GM Terry Ryan was apparently in attendance for the entirety of this past weekend’s series, and he liked what he saw. This won’t change our plan to see Cedar Rapids in Clinton, and there is still a plethora of talent on the two squads that we can’t wait to see. But the timing of this is just painful.

Continue reading