Bianchi vs. The Yankees

Jeff Bianchi

Jeff The Yankee

 

Part 8: ARE THEY RELATED ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

It’s been several months since I’ve done one of these, but going back and looking at the ones I’d stockpiled inspired me to return to this investigative game.

Click here for Part 7. 

TAIJUAN AND TOM WALKER

This is a tough one to discuss without any serious spoilers, but let’s just say Taijuan Walker’s cutter will never be nearly as dangerous as any of the weapons Tom wields during his stint on Homeland. Obvious racial similarities be damned, I can’t be convinced by this link until Taijaun goes missing and becomes a national security threat.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 8%

ADAM MORGAN AND ADAMS MORGAN

Jake did a helpful Venn diagram way back that sums this one up pretty well.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 74%

YORDANO AND ACE VENTURA

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All Star Break Record Breakers: Pitchers

The baseball season is 6 months long. The baseball season is mostly during the summer. We call the All Star Game “The Mid-Summer’s Classic.” According to all of these points the All Star Game must be the halfway point of the baseball season.

There have been some great performances over the first half of the year, but what could happen in the second half is even more extraordinary. Check that, what will happen in the second half. You see, when a player has a certain amount of stats in the first half (and they usually do), you can always double that amount to find out what that player will have over the course of the year. Its a really good sabermetric strategy and it always always works. Here are a few pitchers who could will shatter records:

Mark Melancon

First Half Stat: 25 Holds

Will Finish The Year With: 50 Holds

Math Involved: 25 + 25 = 50

Significance: I bet you didn’t know the most holds in a season was Luke Gregerson with 40 all the way back in 2010. A record nobody thought would be broken and definitely a record that everyone should keep an eye on.

Kenley Jansen

First Half Stat: 94.9% Fastballs

Will Finish The Year With: 189.8% Fastballs

Math Involved: 94.9% + 94.9%

Significance: If you thought 100% was the limit, Kenley Jansen says you are wrong. He could shatter the previous record of 100% held by hundreds of players. This has the potential to be an unbelievable story later in the year.

David Carpenter

First Half Stat: 108.00 ERA

Will Finish The Year With: 216.00 ERA

Math Involved: (4/.1) + (4/.1)

Significance: Yeah yeah he might not qualify for the ERA title, but so what? If you ignore the innings qualification, the record for highest ERA in a season belongs to Joe Cleary of the 1945 Washington Senators with an astounding ERA of 189.00. Carpenter has a real chance to destroy that if once he pitches just as bad in the second half.

What Would I Have To Give Up To Trade For Matt Garza

AP Photo

There have been a lot of questions regarding Matt Garza recently. Will he be traded? Where will he be traded? Will he ever pitch for the Cubs again? What in Lord’s name is growing on his chin? Does he enjoy vanilla pudding? What would a team have to give up to get Garza?

Let’s focus on the last question. Major league teams are probably going to offer a package of prospects for Garza. Prospects are awesome, but prospects are risky. Do you know what doesn’t have risk? Things lying around my house. It’s trading time.

Jake’s Trading Package #1: Shoes

Details: 11 pairs of shoes or 22 shoes depending on how the Cubs would be interested in utilizing said shoes.

Pros: I would be getting a pretty good number two pitcher who can lead my rotation.

Cons: I need shoes to go outside unless I want dirt all over my feet. Matt Garza doesn’t want to play with a guy who has dirt on his feet.

Decision Time: I’d make the trade. I have other shoes in the closet in my room.

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All Star Break Record Breakers: Hitters

The baseball season is 6 months long. The baseball season is mostly during the summer. We call the All Star Game “The Mid-Summer’s Classic.” According to all of these points the All Star Game must be the halfway point of the baseball season.

There have been some great performances over the first half of the year, but what could happen in the second half is even more extraordinary. Check that, what will happen in the second half. You see, when a player has a certain amount of stats in the first half (and they usually do), you can always double that amount to find out what that player will have over the course of the year. Its a really good sabermetric strategy and it always always works. Here are a few hitters who could will shatter records:

Chris Davis

First Half Stat: 37 Home Runs

Will Finish The Year With: 74 Home Runs

Math Involved: Multiply by 2

Significance: Chris Davis will break the Home Run record set by Barry Bonds in 2001. A record that some thought would live forever. Hopefully he continues not to blink.

James Loney

First Half Stat: 96 games played

Will Finish The Year With: 192 games played

Math Involved: 96 + 96 = 192

Significance: The current record for most games played in a season is 165 set by Maury Wills in 1962. Loney is on pace to absolutely shatter that number. And you thought he had no value…

Miguel Cabrera

First Half Stat: .365 Batting Average

Will Finish The Year With: .730 Batting Average

Math Involved: (132/362) + (132/362)

Significance: No one has hit .400 since Ted Williams hit .401 in 1941. No one has hit .500, .600, or .700 since ever. The current record holder for the highest batting average in a season is Hugh Duffy, who hit .440 in 1894. Thats insane. And just think, Miggy will top that by at least 300 points. Spectacular.

Pitchers coming later.

The Perfect Game Vault: Part 2

Just like most human beings, baseball players were young at some point in their lives. I can tell you from experience, being the 17 year old doofus I am, that being young can lead to the making of mistakes. In the case of many current big leaguers, these mistakes were photographs. Photographs that will live on forever on the beautiful thing we call the Internet.

All these wonderful photos were found on perfectgame.org. Accompanying each photo are a few quotes that each player said during their photo shoot (probably).

Click here for Part 1.

Alex Gordon

“Has anybody seen my neck?

“No, I don’t really like the bearded look.”

Cliff Pennington

“I just don’t care.”

“What pimple?”

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The 2013 CFB Name All-Star Team

Before the season and before anyone really read our stuff, Jake and I did team-by-team previews for every team in baseball. They had very little analysis and a whole lot of #analysis. You can find them here. One of my favorite parts of these previews was Jake coming up with what we now refer to as CFB Names for every player in each projected starting lineup. I’ve got a few favorites from this absurd collection. These is my personal All-Star team solely based on these names. Warning: they’re REALLY stupid.

CATCHER: My Tweeters

FIRST BASE: Yawn Dora Lawn Zone

SECOND BASE: Triscuits

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The Perfect Game Vault: Part 1

Just like most human beings, baseball players were young at some point in their lives. I can tell you from experience, being the 17 year old doofus I am, that being young can lead to the making of mistakes. In the case of many current big leaguers, these mistakes were photographs. Photographs that will live on forever on the beautiful thing we call the Internet.

All these wonderful photos were found on perfectgame.org. Accompanying each photo are a few quotes that each player said during their photo shoot (probably).

Brian McCann

“My other undershirt was in the wash. Will this purple turtleneck do?”

“The sun is kind of in my eyes, can we take this photo somewhere else? No? Ok.”

***

Jarrod Saltalamacchia

“So when you take the picture do you want me to look at the camera or through the camera?”

“No… it’s two C’s. No no, s-a-l-t-a… Here let me just spell it for you…”

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