There has been a lot of discussion recently about the Washington football team’s name, which is Redskins. Many believe it to be derogatory, demeaning, and altogether not a good thang. Some think its fine, like incoherent word user Dick Rick Reilly. I don’t have an opinion on that gobbledegook, but here’s how I see it: if the Redskins have to change their name, then the Indians should have to as well. It’s just as bad, if not worse.

So now that we (who is we? I never know) have decided to rename the Indians, what should we rename them? It needs to be something catchy…something cool…something that can sell tons of merchandise. With that in mind, these are my suggestions:

The Cleveland Cleavage 

Pros:

• They could become the first baseball team with cheerleaders.
• Attendance has been down in Cleveland this year. A name change to the Cleavage would significantly boost attendance.
• Team gear would be awesome.
• Most Americans are particularly fond of alliteration.

Cons:

• It would be harder to sign oversized first basemen who might feel uncomfortable about the name change.
• The team logo could be misinterpreted as “inappropriate” or “not child friendly” considering it looks like boobs.
• It might get a little overheated and sweaty.
• The name itself doesn’t really have anything to do with the city of Cleveland.

The Cleveland Chisenhalls

Pros:

• Cleveland’s mascot has been named after one of its best players many times. The Naps after Nap Lajoie, the Spiders after legendary shortstop Itsy-Bitsy Spider, and the Indians afterr Ghandi.
• They could keep their current, non-racist uniform set. The C’s on the hats would stand for both Cleveland and Chisenhall.
• Lonnie Chisenhall might finally start hitting.

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