2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Atlanta Braves

BARVE Eyes plus Doumit and Medlen :(

braves_withnames

Off-season Haiku:

Extensions galore,

Sad injuries everywhere,

and now Ervin? #BARVES

Best Names in the Farm System:

  • RHP Shae Simmons
  • RHP Wirfin Obispo
  • RHP Gus Schlosser
  • 1B Trenton Moses
  • 2B Emerson Landoni
  • RHP Francois Lafreniere
  • LHP Eric Pfisterer
  • RHP Ignacio Geronimo
  • RHP Dakota Dill
  • RHP Jesus Jones
  • RHP Osman Manzanares
  • RHP Evertz Orozco
  • SS Ray-Patrick Didder
  • SS Ozhaino Albies
  • 1B Juruengelo Tielman
  • OF Nisandro Cleofa
  • C Orrin Sears
  • RHP Reymi Ruiz
  • 2B Mattia Mercuri
  • LHP Felix Falcon
  • RHP Evertz Orozco
  • 3B Terrence Josephina
  • OF Ledernin Tejada
  • OF Reangelo Williams

FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS:

  • After Julio Teheran goes down with an elbow injury in May, the Braves will sign 70-year-old Tommy John to be their fifth starter.
  • Andrelton Simmons will break the new Defensive Efficiency tracking system, as well as all other defensive metrics. This will lead to a new defensive metric called RIG (Routinely Insane Greatness) that literally only tracks Andrelton Simmons. No one else qualifies.
  • Dan Uggla will hit 50 home runs despite hitting .114
  • Craig Kimbrel will strike you out. Yes, you.
  • If the Braves are eliminated from playoff contention and are struggling with attendance, they will sign Kate Upton to play right field, thus completing the Upton outfield trifecta. Small sample size be damned, she will post a higher SLG% than Jason Heyward in her limited time as a starter.
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5 comments on “2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Atlanta Braves

  1. […] BillieButBBq / March 19, 2014 / No Comments atlanta braves – Google Blog Search 2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Atlanta Braves « CESPEDES … If the Braves are eliminated from playoff contention and are struggling with attendance, they will sign Kate Upton to play right field, thus completing the Upton outfield trifecta. Small sample size be damned, she will post a … more info… […]

  2. Kate Upton does have some great metrics!!!

  3. Roy-Z says:

    Ryan. Doumit’s. Eyes.

  4. Jordan says:

    If this Andrelton Simmons stat is not implemented by June, it will be an upmost failed season for him.

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