Doyer Eyes

Off-season Haiku:

Tried for Tanaka,

extended Kershaw instead,

then signed more Cubans.

Best Names in the Farm System:

• RHP Red Patterson
• OF Jeremy Hazelbaker
• C Griff Erickson
• C Dashenko Ricardo
• 1B Angelo Songco
• RHP Jharel Cotton
• LHP Daniel Coulombe
• C John Cannon
• C Pratt Maynard
• 1B O’Koyea Dickson
• OF Casio Grider
• RHP Zach Bird
• RHP Ralston Cash
• OF Devin Shines
• RHP Danny Danielson
• RHP Lenix Osuna
• RHP Abdiel Velasquez
• 3B Bladimir Franco
• 2B Tyger Pederson
• OF  Faustino Oguisten
• C Luis Paz
• SS Bernys Almarante
• 2B Jorlin Chales
• LHP Roberth Fernandez
• RHP Omarlin Franco
• RHP Osiris Ramirez
• DH Arce Rodriguez
• OF Ibandel Isabel
• OF Rutinel Sosa
• 1B Justin Chigbogu
• C Hendrik Clementina
• C Gersel Pitre
• DH Yensys Capellan

FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS:

•  The entire population of Australia will show up to Zack Greinke’s first start of the season at Dodger Stadium and heckle him like no other country could.
• Yasiel Puig will do a bat flip after a sacrifice bunt.
• MLB.tv subscribers across the nation will be filled with joy and awe, as Vin Scully tells the story of the time he played table tennis with Erisbel Arruebarrena’s great uncle.
• On June 7th, Paul Maholm, Chris Perez, Brandon League, Brian Wilson, and Kenley Jansen will combine for a no-hitter in Coors Field against a Rockies lineup anchored by Larry Walker, who will have returned to the big leagues in an attempt to re-establish his Hall of Fame credentials.
• 17-year-old uber-prospect Julio Urias is called up in June after proving that he can responsibly handle a motor vehicle and obey all traffic laws.