2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Texas Rangers

Wrangler Eyes


Off-season Haiku:

Got rid of Kinsler

for Prince and his huge contract.

Shin-Soo Choo puns suck.

Best Names in the Farm System:  

  • RHP Arlett Mavare
  • C Tomas Telis
  • 2B Rougned Odor
  • OF Kalian Sams
  • LHP Ryne Slack
  • RHP Keone Kela
  • RHP Easton Napiontek
  • SS Smerling Lantigua
  • LHP Gionny Fracchiolla
  • LHP Nerfy Nunez
  • RHP Richelson Pena
  • 1B Crisford Adames
  • 2B Isaiah Kiner-Falefa
  • RHP Greidy Martinez
  • C Yohel Pozo
  • SS Yimmelvyn Alonzo
  • SS Andretty Cordero
  • 3B Porfirio Martinez
  • SS Juremi Profar (yes, Jurickson’s brother)
  • SS Yeyson Yrizarri
  • OF Sherman Lacrus


  • Newly acquired catcher J.P. Arencibia will forget how to walk entirely. He will be put on the 60-day DL with “does not know how to walk anymore”. It is difficult to play baseball when you cannot walk, let alone run. Poor J.P. Arencibia.
  • Michael Choice will be booed during every home at-bat. No one in Texas is pro-Choice.
  • This is the year Adrian Beltre’s head will be touched one too many times. He will eat the unlucky teammate that takes it to far. Yes, eat. He will eat them.
  • Yu Darvish’s already ridiculous repertoire of pitches will take another step forward as he will learn how to throw the Backyard Baseball masterpieces such as the Big Freeze and the Elevator.
  • Ian Kinsler will turn out to be some sort of sorcerer, and the Rangers actually go 0-162.

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