2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Baltimore Orioles

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Projected Lineup

RF: Allied Hand Drone The Pasta

3B: Mango Manchalupa

CF: A Damage Owns

1B: Christ Avis

LF: Steep Hears

SS: Jade Jade Darty

C: My Tweeters

DH: Delve n’ Yawn

2B: Jonny Thins Coped

SP: Grizzled Ill Man

SP: Way Ancient

SP: Budding Horse

SP: Mingle Gun Soles

SP: Cave Ink Houseman

Off-season Haiku

Lost Cruz, Markakis,

Got Travis Snider. Yay? Eh.

Duquette wants to leave?!?

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Nelson Cruz off Todd Redmond – 448 feet

It’s one thing to give up a grand slam when you’re up by three runs. It’s another thing to give up a grand slam when you’re up by three runs and your left fielder merely has to pivot to know how absurdly far over his head the grand slam is going. I’m dumbfounded by the Jays fan in the Brett Lawrie jersey throwing his hands up at :06. I can only assume Nelson Cruz was on his fantasy team. Otherwise, I’d look a little more upset if I were him.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Chris Davis off Erik Bedard – 319 feet

This is without a doubt one of the worst home runs I’ve ever seen. Even Chris Davis looked like he regretted swinging as soon as he made contact. I’m all for instant replay and getting calls right, but man, replay-reviewed/confirmed home runs are still super weird.

Best Names in the Farm System

  • RHP Chaz Roe
  • OF Matt Tuiasosopo (!!!)
  • C Rossmel Perez
  • SS Sharlon Schoop
  • SS Sammie Starr
  • SS Garabez Rosa
  • C Steel Russell
  • C Wynston Sawyer
  • RHP Nik Nowottnick
  • RHP Janser Severino
  • C Chance Sisco
  • 1B Creede Simpson
  • 2B Ronarsy Ledesma
  • OF Oswill Lartiguez
  • LHP Augey Bill
  • RHP Nigel Nootbaar
  • 1B Federico Castagnini
  • 1B Logan Uxa
  • 1B Randolph Gassaway
  • OF Tad Gold
  • OF Jamill Moqeute
  • RHP Virgilio Encarnacion
  • RHP Barry Jhonson
  • RHP Yeizer Marrugo
  • RHP Julin Jimenez
  • RHP Leybi Martinez
  • 3B Robertico Medina
  • 1B Nicanor Alvarado
  • OF Rochendrick Alexander
  • OF Rachid Engelhardt
  • RHP Brailyn Duran
  • RHP Lu Franc-Cito LeFranc
  • RHP Neomar Magallanes
  • LHP Johalis Pacheco
  • RHP Ofelky Peralta
  • RHP Jhon Peluffo
  • C Phildrick Llewellyn
  • 3B Yeridolfo Lizardo
  • OF Geremias Gil
  • RHP Wendell Floranus
  • RHP Keegan Ghidotti
  • RHP Caleb Kellogg
  • OF Gerrion Grim
  • OF Ademar Rifaela

Three Bold Predictions

  1. Ubaldo Jimenez continues to prove that the enormous contract the Orioles gave him last year was a disaster. Half-way through the year the O’s decide that he is more valuable to the organization as an energy-generating windmill and place him in the middle of a field somewhere in rural Maryland.
  2. In a final heroic act of martyrdom, Dan Duquette trades himself to the Blue Jays for Josh Donaldson, Jose Bautista, Daniel Norris, and 24 kilograms of poutine.
  3. After two consecutive seasons in which he hurt two different legs, Manny Machado injures his third one.

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