2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Chicago White Sox

 Click here to see our other 2015 team previews!

 Projected Lineup

CF: Adamant Tongue

RF: Milky Carburetor

DH: Yo Saber Hey You

1B: Add Enamel A Roach

LF: A Veal Seal Guard See Ya

SS: Al Luxor Ah Mirrors

3B: Con Urge Collapsed See

C: Tile Arf Hours

2B: Emir O’Bonerface

SP: Grizzle

SP: Chef’s A Martyr

SP: House Akron Taunter

SP: Dawned Hanks

SP: Cankles Rodent

Off-season Haiku

Melky, Samardzija,

Hahn making exciting moves!

Released Dayan, though :(

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Avisail Garcia off Nathan Karns – 468 feet

This dinger was tied for the 9th longest home run of 2014, and I can’t say I’m shocked. This is insanely far, especially for Tropicana Field. There are about six people lounging above the giant Captain Morgan ad when this ball is hit, and only one of them realizes that a baseball is hurdling towards them at a dangerous rate. That’s because the baseballs aren’t supposed to be hit up there!

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Jose Abreu off Zach McAllister – 339 feet

Jose Abreu had his fair share of massive home runs in 2014, but I’d argue home runs like this one in Cleveland are even more impressive. He’s just taking an off-speed pitch the other way, and oh, whoops, it’s a home run. He’s absurdly strong.

Best Names in the Farm System

  • RHP Arcenio Leon
  • 2B Justin Jirschele
  • RHP Braulio Ortiz
  • C Mike Marjama
  • SS Cleuluis Rondon
  • LHP Jace Fry
  • RHP Yelmison Peralta
  • RHP Dane Stone
  • RHP Kelvis Valerio
  • OF Zach Fish
  • DH Nick Parent
  • RHP Victor Done
  • RHP Evin Einhardt
  • C Joxelier Garcia
  • OF Micker Adolfo
  • LHP Josbel Coroba
  • RHP Yeuris Guerrero
  • RHP Eriberto Percel
  • LHP Jhoan Quijada
  • RHP Jaider Rocha
  • C Ylexander Villarroel
  • 3B Maiker Felix
  • 2B Yolberth Gideon
  • OF Gesel Dalmasi
  • OF Droherlin Mejia
  • OF Hanleth Otano

Three Bold Predictions

  1. For the first time in recent memory, the White Sox actually wear white socks.
  2. Depressed and unable to let go, Hawk Harrelson refers to new signing Adam LaRoche as “Paul” for the first few weeks of the season.
  3. Carlos Rodon makes his big league debut this season and after recording his first strike out, rips open his jersey to reveal the Cespedes Family BBQ shirt he has hidden underneath.
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