2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Boston Red Sox

Click here to see our other 2015 team previews!

Projected Lineup

CF: Moo Kibbutz

2B: Dust Hen Bed Royal

DH: Day Or Tease

LF: Handily Ram Ears

3B: Paw Blows Hand Oval

RF: Rue Sneaker Steeler

1B: My Canapé Holy

SS: Chan Turbo Guards

C: Cries Tin Vast Quiz

SP: Rich Porn Seller

SP: Way Deem Highly

SP: Gray Butt Holes

SP: Trust Inmates Or Sons

SP: Joke Heli

Off-season Haiku

Hanley and Pablo,

Traded our hero away?

They might regret that.

Farthest Home Run of 2014
David Ortiz off Masahiro Tanaka – 482 feet

This was the 3rd farthest home run of 2014, and possibly the only home run I can ever remember being hit to that spot. Tanaka is really good, but he’s dinger-prone for sure.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
David Ortiz off Brad Peacock – 318 feet

So dumb.

Best Names in the Farm System

  • RHP Keith Couch
  • RHP Dalier Hinojosa
  • RHP Noe Ramirez
  • OF Blake Tekotte
  • OF Jonathan Roof
  • RHP Heri Quevedo
  • SS Dreily Guerrero
  • 1B Jantzen Witte
  • RHP Teddy Stankiewicz
  • RHP German Taveras
  • C Jordan Procyshen
  • C Joseph Winterburn
  • 2B Wendell Rijo
  • OF Forrestt Allday
  • OF Danny Mars
  • OF Kendrick Perkins
  • OF Enfember Martinez
  • LHP Williams Jerez
  • RHP Kuehl McEachern
  • RHP Disocar Romero
  • C Alixon Suarez
  • 2B Deiner Lopez
  • 1B Cisco Tellez
  • 3B Aneudis Peralta
  • LHP Dedgar Jimenez
  • RHP Yankory Pimentel
  • RHP Yeferson Ardiles
  • LHP Darwinzon Hernandez
  • RHP Shair Lacrus
  • RHP Ritzi Mendoza
  • RHP Hildemaro Requena
  • LHP Jervis Torrealba
  • C Roldani Baldwin
  • 1B Gerardo Carrizalez
  • OF Raiwinson Lameda

Three Bold Predictions

  1. Dustin Pedroia makes his walk up song “LaChaim” from Fiddler on the Roof. It’s deemed a tribute from the Laser Show to the Lazar Wolf.
  2. In only his first year at the position, Hanley Ramirez becomes the greatest defensive left fielder Fenway Park has ever seen. By July, he’s pulling these magical moves off on a regular basis.
  3. After trading away Yoenis Cespedes to Detroit, the Red Sox don’t win another World Series for the next 86 years. The historic dry spell eventually becomes known as the Curse of the BBQ.

One comment on “2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Boston Red Sox

  1. SJ says:

    Gotta get Lazar Markovic, Laser Show, and Lazar Wolf all together. You know John W. Henry knows all three.

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