2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Milwaukee Brewers

Click here to see our other 2015 team previews!

Projected Lineup

CF: Car Logo Mets

C: Joe Nathan Luke Roy

RF: Rye and Brown

3B: Our Aim Is Ram Ears

1B: A Dim Lint

LF: Khrist Avis

2B: Scoot Her Gen Ed

SS: Genes O’Gura

SP: Matic R. Za

SP: Kai Ill OH SH–!

SP: Will He Pear Altar

SP: Mic Fires

SP: Gym Mean Hell Sun

Off-season Haiku

Hello, Adam Lind.

Not much else besides saying

So long, Gallardo.

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Rickie Weeks off Travis Wood – 464 feet

It’s not THAT rare for someone to hit a home run on to Waveland Avenue over the left field bleachers, but this was much closer to center field that it was to left. Ridiculous power. Weeks has already showed this spring that he can still hit home runs pretty freakin’ far, and it’ll be interesting to see how his power translates to Safeco.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Ryan Braun off David Carpenter – 345 feet

That’s 97 MPH chest high, and Braun just muscles it out down the right field line. Major league baseball players, man. They’re pretty good.

Best Names in the Farm System

  • RHP Wirfin Obispo
  • C Robinzon Diaz
  • OF Nathan Orf
  • OF D’Vontrey Richardson
  • RHP Damien Magnifico
  • 3B Sthervin Matos
  • RHP Tommy Toledo
  • C Milan Post
  • OF Yunior Santana
  • 2B Jorge Quiterio
  • RHP Cy Sneed
  • C Natanael Mejia
  • 1B Alan Sharkey
  • LHP Boanerges Nova
  • RHP Nattino Diplan
  • RHP Axel Cordero
  • 2B Roosevert Chal
  • SS Franly Mallen
  • 1B Nicol Valderray
  • OF Joantgel Segovia

Three Bold Predictions

  1. After proving he can mash dingers at every professional level available to him and STILL not having an everyday role on an MLB team, Matt Clark decides to take advantage of the improved diplomatic relations with Cuba and heads south to play in the Cuban National Series for a year. He shatters Jose Abreu’s single-season home run record and becomes best friends with Yo’s family.
  2. Khris Davis’ OBP in the first half struggles to get above .280, forcing the Brewers front office to swap him out with Bernie the Brewer. Despite below-average defense in left, Bernie posts a .921 OPS with 23 dingers at home, each one prompting Davis to slide down the Miller Park Slide.
  3. Having announced during Spring Training that he is retiring after the 2015 season, Aramis Ramirez decides he wants a Jeter-esque retirement tour too. Struggling to come up with original gifts for Aramis, each MLB team decides to just give him Jeter-signed memorabilia instead.
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