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Projected Lineup

SS: Chin Meat Raw Wings

LF: Call Call Fjord

CF: Your Seal Pig

1B: Aid Rye Angle Souls

C: Ass Money Grundel

2B: A Weak A Drink

3B: Wander eBay

RF: Shock Beaters On

SP: Cleat Honker Shoe

SP: Saw Cranky

SP: Inching Wee Who

SP: Bring Them Car Thief

SP: Bread Handers On

Off-season Haiku

Where did Matt Kemp go?

Drastic Front Office changes;

Bunch of fuckin’ nerds.

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Hanley Ramirez off Jorge De La Rosa – 472 feet

Even in the rain, this was the 5th farthest home run in all of baseball in 2014. If Hanley hits one like that this year, the ball could go all the way to [insert Boston suburb you have the most family friends in]!

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Scott Van Slyke off Wade Miley – 341 feet

The first thing you’ll notice is that they are playing the game in Australia. Remember that?

Best Names in the Farm System

• RHP Red Patterson
• 3B Buck Britton
• SS Erisbel Arruebarrena
• RHP Ralston Cash
• RHP Raydel Sanchez
• 1B O’Koyea Dickson
• RHP Jharel Cotton
• C Austin Chubb
• 2B Casio Grider
• 1B Justin Chigbogu
• 1B Josmar Cordero
• SS Faustino Oguisten
• RHP Karch Kowalcyzk
• RHP Abdiel Velasquez
• C John Cannon
• 3B Yensys Capellan
• OF Billy Bereszniewicz
• OF Andrew Godbold
• RHP Danny Danielson
• RHP Misja Harcksen
• RHP Lenix Osuna
• RHP Harlan Richter
• RHP Sven Schuller
• RHP Kam Uter
• RHP M.J. Villegas
• 1B Ibandel Isabel
• OF Federico Celli
• RHP Melvyn Forbes
• LHP Osiris Ramirez
• C Hendrik Clementina
• C Gersel Pitre
• C Alvaro Rubi
• 3B Jimy Perez
• OF Shakir Albert

Three Bold Predictions

• In line with the organization’s new image the Dodgers formally change their name to the Los Angeles Nerds. The crowd chant of “LETS GO NERDS” during the playoffs inspires millions across the country.
• Yasiel Puig finds a person named Cütof Mann and hits him in the face.
• Juan Uribe hits a home run and consequently bat flips the bat over the center field wall. A little known MLB bylaw grants Uribe double the runs for his courageous display of raw strength.