2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Kansas City Royals

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Click here to see our other 2015 team previews!

Projected Lineup

SS: A Seedy Sex Crowbar

LF: Alexa Garden

1B: Harry Kozma

DH: King Grease Moor Allies

C: Saliva Derp Ares

RF: Elixer Hijos

2B: Home Harry Fun Time

3B: Mice Mushed Tacos

CF: Lawrence OK

SP: Your Dong Oven Churro

SP: Trey Song Forge Ass

SP: Gare Meager Us Tree

SP: Adding Son Vole Quest

SP: Dandied Huffy

Off-season Haiku

Well, James Shields is gone.

It was fun while it lasted.

Edinson Volquez?!

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Alex Gordon off Cody Allen – 462 feet

This was probably the pinnacle of the Royals’ regular season run, a game-tying dinger in a late August game on national television. It was also absolutely destroyed.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Salvador Perez off Kirby Yates – 338 feet

The left field line situation at Tropicana is arguably even stranger than the Pesky Pole in Fenway. What the hell is that platform even doing there?

Best Names in the Farm System

  • LHP Buddy Baumann
  • RHP Aroni Nina
  • OF Whit Merrifield
  • LHP Tripp Davis
  • RHP Benino Pruneda
  • 1B Mark Threlkeld
  • 2B Justin Trapp
  • LHP Jonathan Dzeidzic
  • LHP Felix Familia
  • RHP Brooks Pounders
  • RHP Glenn Sparkman
  • LHP Daniel Stumpf
  • OF Daniel Rockett
  • RHP Bryan Brickhouse
  • RHP Igol Feliz
  • RHP Robinson Yambati
  • OF Dexter Kjerstad
  • RHP Scott Blewett
  • LHP Enmanuel Camacho
  • LHP Estarlin Cordero
  • RHP Eric Sandness
  • LHP Dylan Sons
  • 2B D.J. Burt
  • 3B Manny Olloque
  • OF Amalani Fukofuka
  • OF Logan Moon
  • LHP Cruz Guevara
  • RHP Zach Lovvorn
  • LHP Eric Stout
  • SS Jeckson Flores
  • SS Marten Gasparini
  • 3B Wander Franco
  • OF DonAndre Clark
  • OF Brawlun Gomez
  • RHP Gerson Garabito
  • RHP Ofeidy Gomez
  • RHP Yimauri Pena
  • C Meibrys Viloria
  • 2B Offerman Collado
  • 1B Yorly Martinez
  • OF Jose Vital
  • OF Yeison Melo

Three Bold Predictions

  1. Terrence Gore makes the Opening Day roster as Kendrys Morales’ designated pinch-runner. Kendrys keeps Gore in his back pocket during at-bats and when he makes contact, he pulls him out and throws him towards first base.
  2. After successfully converting Below-Average Starter Wade Davis into All-Time Great Reliever Wade Davis, the Royals attempt to turn Below-Average Reliever Louis Coleman into All-Time Great Starter Louis Coleman. It doesn’t work.
  3. As a response to somewhat controversially stopping at third base in Game 7 of the World Series, Alex Gordon tries to score on every single ball he hits to the outfield during the year, leading to a record number of inside-the-park home runs and a litany of TOOTBLANs.
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