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CF: Car Leap Lake Man
RF: Car Lost Gun Soles
SS: Trout Who Lauren Ski
1B: Trusting Borneo
3B: No Lanyard Hey Nando
LF: Corny Tick Carton
C: Whaling Row Sorry Hoe
2B: Teach A Lame Hay Hue
SP: Whore Aiding La-Toaster
SP: Shoeless Chasing
SP: Caulk Header Ink
SP: Gourd and Liars
SP: Dialer Matchstick
Off-season Haiku
ARE THEY FINALLY
GONNA TRADE TULOWITZKI?
No. Of course not. Stop.
Farthest Home Run of 2014
Wilin Rosario off Mike Minor – 468 feet
This homer made it 10-6 in the fourth inning. #Coors4Ever
Shortest Home Run of 2014
Brandon Barnes off Sergio Romo – 304 feet
This was easily one of the craziest plays of the entire 2014 season, and a healthy reminder that Brandon Barnes had over 300 plate appearances for the Rockies last year.
Shortest Actual Home Run of 2014
Wilin Rosario off Cole Hamels – 351 feet
Rosario has his fair share of flaws as a baseball player, particularly defensively: he’s lead the league in passed balls for each of the past three years. However, hitting baseballs over the fence is not a problem for Mr. Rosario.
Best Names in the Farm System
- LHP Buddy Boshers
- 2B Angelys Nina
- RHP Nate Striz
- 3B Jayson Langfels
- SS Trevor Story
- RHP Huascar Brazoban
- RHP Rayan Gonzalez
- RHP Alving Mejias
- C Abel Baker
- OF Kyle Von Tungeln
- 3B Dean Espy
- RHP Johendi Jiminian
- RHP Matt Pierpont
- C Ashley Graeter
- C Cambric Moye
- SS Emerson Jimenez
- 1B Correlle Prime
- OF Raimel Tapia
- RHP Eric Nedeljkovic
- RHP Joel Payamps
- LHP Helmis Rodriguez
- RHP Grahamm Wiest
- RHP Chad Zurat
- 2B Sam Bumpers
- OF Denzel Richardson
- OF Marcos Derkes
- LHP Yoely Bello
- RHP Gavin Glanz
- C Hamlet Marte
- 2B Forrest Wall
- OF Omar Carrizales
- LHP Breiling Eusebio
- RHP Salvador Justo
- RHP Lorenz Ozuna
- RHP Yohander Quintana
- RHP Alejandro Requena
- RHP Ismael Viloria
- C Hidekel Gonzalez
- C Wilkyns Jimenez
Three Bold Predictions
- Charlie Blackmon and Corey Dickerson morph into one amorphous blob named Charcor Blackdick.
- After months of research, scientists discover that the only way to keep the ball from flying so far at Coors Field is to hot-box the entire stadium. Coors Field instantly boasts the highest attendance in the National League.
- Troy Tulowitzki is playing for the Denver Nuggets by August.
