Sammy Sosa Joins Pinterest

Legendary Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa recently created an account on the social-networking website Pinterest, which he has been updating vigilantly ever since. Sosa, known on the site, clumsily, as “sammysosamr609,” lately has spent the time he’s saved by not getting into the Hall of Fame by using Pinterest, which describes itself as an online bulletin board for sharing photos. He mostly posts portraits of himself in several different outfits, many poses, and exactly one facial expression, one that makes you think his new favorite PED is Botox.

Every single portrait has the exact same caption – “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I’m the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.” – as if he felt that he really needed to convince people. Sammy, it’s okay, you don’t need to try so hard. After years of trying to convince people you didn’t take steroids, this argument should be a cinch for you. Every picture on the feed is a portrait like that, except for one which is just text that says “We Love Home” in a swooshy script with a heart in it. This is also the only photo that does not have that same caption – instead, Sammy has written, insightfully, “I know I do! :)”.

Sammy’s a handsome guy, but he doesn’t quite fill out his outfits the same way he did a Cubs uniform. The suit he wears in many of his pictures is a nice color, but his tie knot, like his batting stance, deserves some criticism for being too wide.

One of the strangest things about the pictures, though, is that he seems to always be pointing to something. This is appears to be a man who is obsessed with pointing. He points right at the camera, he points off to the side away from the camera, he points to his chair, he points to his phone. He also frequently puts up peace signs, which allows him to point at two things at once. He shows that he still has some flexibility in his fingers by simultaneously pointing to his computer, which displays his email, and a poster of himself. The most impressive feat is a meta-point: Sammy points to a picture behind him in which he is standing with, and making a peace sign towards, President Obama. This practice is even stranger because it does not seem that anything he is pointing at is something that he could be blaming for unknowingly injecting him.

It is unclear what Sosa hopes to get out of his Pinterest experience. He’s already passed 609 followers and kept updating the page, so it does not seem that he had the intention of having his internet career eclipse his baseball career. Perhaps Sosa is truly trying to repair his reputation so that maybe someday he does have a better chance at being elected to the Hall of Fame. In that case, social-networking would be a good way to go. It’s not surprising that Sosa is trying to expand his online presence, what is surprising is simply that he’s doing it so ineptly. Seriously, doesn’t Sammy know that there are consultants for this kind of thing?

Sammy has a long way to go from getting 12.5 percent of the vote to being voted in to the Hall of Fame. If that really is his goal, then he may have a lot more Pinterest and pointing and wide ties ahead of him, and we will all be better for it.

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