While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Atlanta Braves:

Not as much the song, I just love how the Braves site spelled Wale.

I just love Gerald Laird’s face. It’s just so “haha what is going on okay i am happy”, and God fucking bless him.

Unquestionably the most accurate of any I’ve come across, Dan Uggla undoubtedly doesn’t really care. Like, at all.

“Got bitches by the pair, I’m baller of the year
And haters everywhere but I don’t really care
No I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t really care”

….and his name ! is Dan ! Ugggggggglaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!

Miami Marlins:

I don’t know if the Marlins traded the walk-up music section of their site to Toronto as well, but it certainly seems that way. I cannot find a current list of their team’s walk-up songs. FOR SHAME, LORIA !!!

New York Mets:

80 Beard. Only in Crazy Town.

Third Carly Rae appearance. Come on Justin Turner, you’re the most generic scrappy white utility infielder ever…choose something weirder !

I don’t know if the Mets forgot to take this down from their site after the mind-blowing trade that sent superstar Mike Nickeas and a few other players to Toronto, or if they’re just in denial. Strange.

Philadelphia Phillies:

#TeamErik

Washington Nationals:

“Chad Tracy Is My Homeboy” shirts don’t exist yet, right ? Okay cool, I’ll get on that.

A warehouse: “A large building where raw materials or manufactured goods may be stored before their export or distribution for sale”, or, the last possible place you would ever want to meet Jayson Werth for the first time.

Oh god, literally the most cliche you could ever have but I’ve yet to see it until now. I am really disappointed in you, Craig Stammen. BE BETTER.