Walk-Up Music, Part 5: The NL Central

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Chicago Cubs:

cubs team.

Unlike some of the teams that don’t even bother to put their music up at all, the Cubs have decided to list these three players and these three players only. Two of them are recent acquisitions. Anthony Recker was recently designated for assignment and was claimed by the Mets. I understand the Cubs want to keep their century long traditions and old-time feel for both their ballpark and their team, but Theo should probably get this shit together so we can know once and for all what Luis Valbuena‘s walk-up music is.

Cincinnati Reds:

todd frazier

The name Todd Frazier alone sounds like some guy from Sinatra’s time, but the fact that he needed two different Sinatra songs, both of which include flying in it, has to make me question how old he really is and if he is actually from this time period. You also have to wonder what percentage of his teammates have even heard of Mr. Sinatra. For example,

manny burriss

How in the world Manny Burriss earned himself four different walk-up songs, I have no clue. But it’s the reality, and I love it. Favorite Burriss stat: He hasn’t hit a ball over an outfielder’s head in the majors since May 2009. Couldn’t possibly make that up.

shin soo choo

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes and yes. Duh.

Milwaukee Brewers:

aoki

I’m gonna assume this is the first song Aoki heard in the Milwaukee airport when he arrived from Japan in early 2012. This is unfortunate, as Aoki seems like the type to choose something a bit weirder. On the other hand, “Right Round” could be referring to Aoki after this swing.

gorzelanny

Chalk another one up in the “well duh” category. It’s such an innocent yet quietly tortured face… “There’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door/ I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world”… aw Tom Gorzelenny :(

fiers

This is the Theme From “Saw”. Fiers clearly does not care at all for the young children just wanting to attend a nice baseball game with their ol’ man or come to see Ryan Braun play. He wants to Scare The Shit Out Of You. And then he throws his fastball at 87 MPH and all fear instilled by this haunting music is flushed right down the toilet. Nice try, Michael Fiers. It takes more than out-of-place music from horror movies to intimidate batters.

Pittsburgh Pirates:

josh harrison

I’m like 74% sure that all three of these songs, which are strangely listed without an artist, are just some not-so-elaborate attempt to promote Harrison’s secret side life as an aspiring rapper. I’m assuming this is because he realized he has close to no shot to start on this team any time soon. I respect it.

gaby sanchez

This was Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx’s first hit song before dropping to the lyrical standards of “booty booty booty booty”. I’m not entirely sure what this says about Gaby Sanchez’ taste in music, other than that he probably just wants you to know he likes Bubba Sparxxx for something other than Ms. New Booty. Sounds like insecurity to me.

travis snider

Brief scouting report from when Snider was a nineTEEN year old in Low-A. “Snider is one of the top hitting prospects in baseball. He has a very patient approach, plus power to all fields, and hits lefties and righties with equal effectiveness–projecting for legitimate MVP-level numbers down the road. He’s a hard worker with great makeup who has survived personal adversity and appreciates where he is.” All of the sadface :(

St. Louis Cardinals:

adron chambers

You Better Believe It, This Is The Life that Adron Chambers always dreamed of. Perennial fifth outfielder in probably the best organization in baseball. Enjoy it, Adron Chambers. His name sounds like a place someone would put toxic materials. “This looks awfully dangerous Professor…” “There’s only one safe place we can put that substance…in the Adron Chambers.”

jason motte

Jason Motte actually eats Brain Stew every morning when he’s done digesting his Fibula Soup. Seriously.

steven hill

I like to think I know a lot of players…but I’m pretty sure this average mid-western guy just showed up at Cardinals photo day and lied to the right people. Here is the first verse of “Got My Country On”, to help prove my theory:

“I worked all week to make me some money,
Bring it back to mama bet she’d give me some honey, yeah
Cashed my check got a pocket of dollars
Loosenin’ the buttons on my blue-collar, yeah.”

Yeah. No way this guy is a professional baseball player.

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Walk-Up Music, Part 4: The AL West

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Houston Astros:

Second team I’ve found after the MarLOLins that doesn’t list their walk-up music on the official website. I assume I’d just post whatever Jose Altuve’s was a million times, so I don’t think we’re missing out on much.

Los Angeles Angels:

howie kendrick

Born in Jacksonville, and the owner of an incredibly heavy southern accent, Howie Kendrick is clearly just pandering to the locals to show his Cali loyalty.

scott downs

“Eight Second Ride” also refers to Downs’ 2003 season. He started one game, in which he gave up 5 runs over three innings. That was it.

vernon wells

“I never forgot about Dre. Not even once. And that’s why I deserve this job.”

Oakland Athletics:

coco crisp

*bernies*

grant balfour

*cut to Balfour on the Extreme level of Guitar Hero III*

eric sogard

THAT IS AN ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYER.

Seattle Mariners:

dustin ackley

Oh man, this one is too good. The same day I found this, Jeff Sullivan came out with this brilliant piece of analysis.

jason bay

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha wait no i like the Mariners :(

john jaso

It…still…hurts… </3

Texas Rangers: 

alexi ogando

I was completely unaware there was an alternate version of this song, but I’m glad Ogando is the one using it.

mitch moreland

Uh oh Chad Tracy, looks like you’re not the only bearded left-handed first baseman who needs a T-shirt.

konrad schmidt

?!?!??!?!?

Walk-Up Music, Part 3: The NL East

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Atlanta Braves:

bj upton

Not as much the song, I just love how the Braves site spelled Wale.

gerald laird

I just love Gerald Laird’s face. It’s just so “haha what is going on okay i am happy”, and God fucking bless him.

dan uggla

Unquestionably the most accurate of any I’ve come across, Dan Uggla undoubtedly doesn’t really care. Like, at all.

“Got bitches by the pair, I’m baller of the year
And haters everywhere but I don’t really care
No I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t really care”

….and his name ! is Dan ! Ugggggggglaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!

Miami Marlins:

I don’t know if the Marlins traded the walk-up music section of their site to Toronto as well, but it certainly seems that way. I cannot find a current list of their team’s walk-up songs. FOR SHAME, LORIA !!!

New York Mets:

dillon gee

80 Beard. Only in Crazy Town.

justin turner

Third Carly Rae appearance. Come on Justin Turner, you’re the most generic scrappy white utility infielder ever…choose something weirder !

mike nickeas

I don’t know if the Mets forgot to take this down from their site after the mind-blowing trade that sent superstar Mike Nickeas and a few other players to Toronto, or if they’re just in denial. Strange.

Philadelphia Phillies:

erik kratz

kratz gif

#TeamErik

Washington Nationals:

chad tracy

“Chad Tracy Is My Homeboy” shirts don’t exist yet, right ? Okay cool, I’ll get on that.

jayson werth

A warehouse: “A large building where raw materials or manufactured goods may be stored before their export or distribution for sale”, or, the last possible place you would ever want to meet Jayson Werth for the first time.

craig stammen

Oh god, literally the most cliche you could ever have but I’ve yet to see it until now. I am really disappointed in you, Craig Stammen. BE BETTER.

Walk-Up Music, Part 2: The AL Central

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Chicago White Sox:

jesse crain

Poor twisted you, Jesse Crain. Metallica certainly has its place in the world of walk-up music. It’s made many more appearances than I’ve actually listed here.

gordon beckham

Beckham is the only one I’ve seen so far with FIVE different songs, and it must be a nightmare for the guy running stadium sound.

PA Announcer: “now batting, number fifteen, Gordonnnnn Beckhammmmmm”

Sound dude: “oh crap here we go uhhh CHICKEN FRIED wait what why would you even”

paul konerko

I’m picturing a movie poster with a blown up version of that picture of Paul Konerko with the epic title, “PAUL KONERKO: HARVESTER OF SORROW” starring Paul Konerko, Kenny Williams, and probably Ozzie.

Cleveland Indians:

matt albers

The Indians site did not include many here, so I didn’t have too many good ones to choose from but the idea of jolly ol’ Matt Albers calmly telling someone to “sleep now in the fire” is wonderfully disturbing.

drew stubbs

More Metallica. In this case though, The Devil’s Dance is most likely The Unintentional Walk.

bryan shaw

Am I the only one who thinks he kind of looks like Phineas from “Phineas and Ferb”…? Okay…just checking…

Detroit Tigers:

justin verlander

something about Kate Upton

phil coke

Yeah, Phil Coke would TOTALLY listen to Nickelback. Not even remotely surprised.

andy dirks

Strange choice, as Dirks hasn’t really spent much time on the DL. Maybe he “gets off” on Victor Martinez’ pain which is most of the reason he is still in the lineup maybe I guess I don’t know I am running out of bad jokes :(

Kansas City Royals:

alcides escobar

Second Carly Rae appearance. I mean Alcides still has braces anyway, so he’s basically a teenage girl.

wade davis

Hey Royals fans, go Google Wade Davis (the guy you traded Wil Myers for) and click the first Wikipedia result.

“Edmund Wade Davis (born December 14, 1953) is a Canadian anthropologist…”

wait no

chris getz

I don’t even know…this is just fantastic. GIVE HIM MORE TIME, NED.

Minnesota Twins:

darin mastroianni

“La la la la la la/You never had it so good/ La la la la la la/ You never had it so good…”

Sounds like Darin Mastroanni’s life to me.

jamey carroll

I’ll let Jeff Sullivan take this one.

http://mlb.sbnation.com/2012/1/20/2719960/breaking-baseballs-species-barrier

ryan doumit

Stare into the demonic pools of doom that are Ryan Doumit’s eyes. Question your belief system.

doumit 1

doumit 2

doumit 3

doumit 4

doumit 5

Sweet dreams.

Walk-Up Music, Part 1: The NL West (because no one ever starts with the NL West)

Hungry Hungry Wily Mo.

Hungry Hungry Wily Mo.

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Arizona Diamondbacks:

eric hinske

Eric Hinske has maintained a 10.5% walk rate over his 10 year career, so maybe this is just some way to remind the few fans left in the stadium that care about him of that. Maybe he’s reminding himself.  “okay, Eric, take your pitches, take your pitches…” *looks at three straight strikes* “aw well okay maybe next time”

john mcdonald

I don’t know about you, but when I think John McDonald, I think Gangsta Nation.

josh collmenter

And here we have our first Call Me Maybe of the series. I’m curious to see how many more we come across. Josh Collmenter and his hilarious arm slot represent Carly Rae pretty well though. I like it.

Colorado Rockies:

rafael betancourt

Jim Tracy: I don’t know Rafael, you’re really asking for a lot. Giving you the closer role was a big step in our relationship, but everything…

Rafael Betancourt: EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

dj lemaheiu

For whatever reason it took me a while to realize what this was, but now it’s even funnier. I would love to have musical motivation from Lil Wayne if my name was DJ, so this one is absolutely approved.

josh roenicke

“I thought I told you Imma a star/ You see that ice? You see the cars…”

Los Angeles Dodgers:

nick punto

I don’t really know what to say. I just feel extremely uncomfortable.

aaron harang

Aaron Harang looks like Droopy the dog. And apparently he Can’t Stop.

zack greinke

Snow is really cold, but not nearly as cold as Zack Greinke’s soul was whenever this picture was taken. Goodness.

San Diego Padres:

mark kotsay

The  “we” is awfully misleading. Sure, Yasmani Grandal is young. Cameron Maybin is still very young. Maybe he’s referring to San Diego’s incredibly loaded and deep farm system. But Mark Kotsay was drafted a little over two years after top prospect Max Fried was born sooooooooooooooo yeah.

anthony bass

Besides being awfully amused by the name of the band, I wonder if this song plays at Petco every time Bass comes out for another inning, or what. The “More” is a bit unclear as well.

kyle blanks

One of my absolute favorites. “Stinkfist” alone should win Blanks some award but having a song called “The Second Coming” as well is just incredible. He’s Kyle Blanks (!!!). He’s got a career 31.6% strikeout rate and four wonderfully uncoordinated limbs. You go, Kyle Blanks.

San Francisco Giants:

buster posey

“Hell On Wheels” AKA Scott Cousins. Too soon ? Too soon. Whatever, Giants fans. TWO WORLD FUCKING SERIES IN THREE YEARS. Bye.

tim lincecum

Loving the mugshot-esque headshot to go along with the probably bad hip-hop song that I’ve never actually heard. “Loud” just isn’t the word I’d use to describe Lincecum anyway.

dan otero

I honestly have zero idea who Dan Otero is or why he is planning to stop science, but we should probably all be very afraid.