Benching In Baseball

Yasiel Puig got benched the other day for being late to the ballpark. His coach sat him down for “the good of the team.” The Twittersphere is up in arms about how Puig’s benching was a pointless act that hurt the Doyers. I disagree. Benching players is an important part of the game because it has always been this way so of course it’s right. Duh. If I was the manager of every major league baseball team, there would be a number of players I would bench.

Yadier Molina

  • You’re always messing around during the game. Why are you the only player sitting down while all the other ones are standing up like adults? YOU’VE BEEN:

Hanley Ramirez

  • You accidentally nonchalantly kicked a baseball 5 years ago which is completely unacceptable. This isn’t soccer, bro. Get it together. YOU’VE BEEN:

A.J. Griffin

  • You look like a silly animal with all of that hair, or even worse, a girl. Until you cut it you ain’t playing on my team. Sorry A.J. YOU’VE BEEN:

Billy Butler

  • You think you can just sit down on the bench while the rest of the team goes out and plays in the field? Please. YOU’VE BEEN:

Casper Wells

  • Pick a team, slice-a-lot. Or maybe borrow some of Tejada’s Adderall and focus on one city. Jeez. I can’t deal with this. YOU’VE BEEN:

Joe Blanton

  • You aren’t very good. YOU’VE BEEN:

Ben Revere

  • No homers? Ever? Useless twerp. Chicks dig the long ball and I dig chicks. YOU’VE BEEN:

Clint Hurdle

  • You are useless out there. Always telling the other players what to do. Maybe you should focus on your own game instead of picking on the players. You might be cute but…YOU’VE BEEN:

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