The NBA Draft Lottery: WHAT DOES IT MEAN ?!

Jake’s home, and what better way to celebrate then watching one of the dumbest exercises in sports?

8:40 PM: Bill Simmons and company are discussing a graphic titled “NBA Lottery Power Rankings”. How does that even make sense…

8:41 PM: White guy walks to podium. He is the senior vice president of NBA security. What that has to do with anything…we have no idea. He could clearly pass as a first baseman/first base coach.

8:42 PM: Arby’s is successfully advertising a delicious unholy sandwich.

8:44 PM: DRAMATIC MONTAGE OF PING PONG BALLS. PERCENTAGES AND STUFF. MATH. HOT REPORTER INTRODUCING WHITE GUYS REPRESENTING EACH TEAM. There is a person named Lon Babby. Bobby Cox representing the Orlando Magic ??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! More percentages. “THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME”. Here comes Adam Silver. Jake says he looks like a malnourished Adrian Fenty”.
Other notes:
  • Nerlens Noel’s mother looks like a porcupine.
  • The Wizards are guaranteed a top 3 pick because why?
  • They are at a commercial break. We are supposed to STAY TUNED.
  • We don’t stay tuned.

Happy Wednesday.

One comment on “The NBA Draft Lottery: WHAT DOES IT MEAN ?!

  1. […] Let us know if you figure it out, cause we’re still clueless. […]

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