Yesterday Braves person Elliot Johnson tweeted a picture of two sets of abdominals. He asked Twitter to determine which midsection stood above the other. One set was impressively ripped and chiseled even though it belonged to the seemingly pudgy Dan Uggla. The other set was Gerald Laird. Laird is the backup catcher for the #BARVES and his midsection looks exactly like you think it would.
This is a stereotypical back up catcher body. You have a protective layer of pudge surrounding everything to protect the innards from harm and baseballs. But beneath the pudge layer and before the innards layer, you find a layer of muscle. If you look closely you can see the lines of his six pac struggling to break free of the pudge layer, but sadly it never will. Gerald Laird has a fantastically strong core, but you’ll never be able to see that because the muscle is forever trapped beneath the layer of pudge.
Now if you take a closer look at his midsection you might recognize something familiar. The shape of his hair sparks something in your mind for some reason, but you can’t figure it out. Think about it for a second. See if you can get a picture in your mind. Still don’t have it? Well fine, I’ll tell you. If you look closely at the pattern of Laird’s chest hair you will notice that it closely resembles the Great Nile Delta in Northern Egypt and that his happy trail represents the Nile itself.
Think of Laird’s belly button as Lake Victoria down in Uganda (not pictured here). This is probably the first time you’ve ever associated a catcher’s stomach with the world’s greatest river system, but hopefully it won’t be the last.
Happy Tuesday, People.
The cradle of civilization is Gerald Laird’s chest? Seems plausible.