Happy 32nd Birthday Justin Morneau !

May16 by Jordan Shusterman

Yesterday was Minnesota Twins first baseman/designated hitter Justin Morneau’s 32nd birthday. What is interesting about Justin Morneau ?

Justin Morneau’s full name is Justin Earnest George Morneau. He is Canadian.
Justin Morneau won the 2006 AL MVP. He hit .321 with 34 home runs and 13o RBI.
Justin Morneau is only 32 years old.
Justin Morneau is 0-14 for his career against Bartolo Colon.
Justin Morneau is 0-7 for his career against Ted Lilly.
Justin Morneau is 3-3 with 2 home runs for his career against Hiroki Kuroda.
Justin Morneau has faced Daniel Bard 5 times. He was unintentionally walked three times, and intentionally walked twice.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Justin Morneau:

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Happy 29th Birthday Luke Gregerson !

May14 by Jordan Shusterman

Today is San Diego Padres reliever Luke Gregerson’s 29th birthday. What is interesting about Luke Gregerson ?

Before the 2009 season, Luke Gregerson was traded to the Padres for infielder Khalil Greene, one of the weirdest looking players of all time.
Luke Gregerson has a 2.81 career ERA in 298.1 innings.
In 2012, 70% of the pitches Luke Gregerson threw were sliders.
For his career, Luke Gregerson has thrown 58% sliders.
Luke Gregerson throws a lot of sliders.
Luke Gregerson throws three different sliders.
Luke Gregerson holds the major league record for holds in a single season, with 40 in 2010.
For his career, Chad Tracy is 3-3 with three home runs and 6 RBI against Luke Gregerson. That’s a 5.000 OPS.
For his career, David Wright is 1-7 with five strikeouts against Luke Gregerson.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Luke Gregerson:

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Happy 25th Birthday Dee Gordon !

Apr22 by Jordan Shusterman

Today is Los Angeles Dodgers shortstop Dee Gordon’s 25th birthday. Let’s talk about Dee Gordon.

Devaris “Dee” Strange-Gordon (no seriously, that’s his name) was born in Florida. He is the son of former major league pitcher Tom Gordon, who had a lengthy and rather successful career for eight different teams. Dee was drafted by the Dodgers in the 4th round of the 2008 draft. Here’s most of what you should know about Dee Gordon as a baseball player: he has the body of a malnourished 14 year old, he has true 80 grade speed, and he can occasionally make amazing plays at short. There’s seriously not much else to know besides that one time he hit an upper deck bomb at Coors Field because Rockies. Even with that lone homer, Gordon has slugged a remarkable .315 through 563 career plate appearances. Let’s take a look at some of our favorite pictures of Dee Gordon.

Here is a .gif of Dee Gordon stealing a jacket from Matt Kemp:

Here is a .gif of Matt Kemp getting payback:

Happy 27th Birthday Dexter Fowler !

Mar22 by Jordan Shusterman

Today is CLOLorado Rockies CF Dexter Fowler’s 27th birthday. He is my favorite player. Let’s celebrate.

Fowler is a switch hitting outfielder with plenty of range and a whole lot of offensive potential. He walks a lot, strikes out a lot, and has a decently attractive wife. He’s also one of the more interesting players in baseball to watch off the field. This has been a very limited scouting report on Dexter Fowler. More importantly, here are some of my favorite pictures of Dexter Fowler:

Here are .gifs of Dexter Fowler doing the Cat Daddy and the Dougie:

Happy 32nd Birthday Bobby Jenks !

Mar15 by Jordan Shusterman

Yesterday, Pi Day, was free agent relief pitcher Bobby Jenks’ 32nd birthday. I don’t have very much to say because he’s fat and probably won’t pitch again in the majors, but I wanna celebrate anyway. Also, I’ll never forget his dominance in the 2005 World Series.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Bobby Jenks:

Here is a .gif of Bobby Jenks doing a PSA about children’s safety:

Happy 33rd Birthday Dan Uggla !

Mar11 by Jordan Shusterman

Atlanta #BARVES second baseman Dan Uggla turns 33 today. He is the only second baseman ever to hit at least 3o home runs in five consecutive seasons, and HIS NAME IS DAN UGGLA.

Uggla is one of my personal favorite players, combining below-average defense, gargantuan chaw, and youth sized jerseys to create a consistent dose of baseball awesomeness. Here are some of my favorite pictures of Dan Uggla: