2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: Washington Nationals

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Projected Lineup

CF: Dinners Plan

3B: Anchor Neon Dome

RF: Chasing Wharf

LF: Bright Sharper

1B: Rains Merman

SS: Yawned Despot

C: Whale Sewn Raw Most

2B: You Knee Hellas Cobra

P: Steep Panned Straws Burned

P: Masked Shirts Hurt

P: Gorge Ants Him Or Mine

P: Gorgonzolas


Off-season Haiku

Who needs more hitting?

Give Max Scherzer all the cash!

Didn’t do much else.

Farthest Home Run of 2014

Ian Desmond off Ernesto Frieri – 462 feet

Frieri is perhaps the best example of what can go wrong if your upper-90’s fastball lacks any sort of life. He gives up bombs like this ALL DA TIME.
Shortest Home Run of 2014

Adam LaRoche off A.J. Burnett – 336 feet

This absurd home run had like a seven-second hang time.
Best Names in the Farm System

  • 1B Kila Ka’aihue
  • OF Mark Minicozzi
  • RHP Derek Self
  • C Spencer Kieboom
  • C Andruth Ramirez
  • 2B Cutter Dykstra
  • OF Delta Cleary Jr.
  • RHP Dakota Bacus
  • LHP Kylin Turnbull
  • 3B Khayyan Norfork
  • OF Estarlin Martinez
  • OF Will Piwnica-Worms
  • RHP Wirkin Esteven
  • RHP Wander Suero
  • 1B James Yezzo
  • OF Narciso Mesa
  • RHP Michael Sylvestri
  • C Raudy Reed
  • C Adderling Ruiz
  • 1B Diomedes Eusebio
  • 2B Chris Riopedre
  • RHP Kida De La Cruz
  • RHP D.J. Jauss
  • LHP Yorlin Reynoso
  • RHP Melvi Salazar
  • RHP Maximo Valerio
  • RHP Deibi Yrizarri
  • C Jakson Reetz
  • 3B Younaifred Aguero
  • 1B Dionicio Rosario
  • OF Aldrem Corredor
  • OF Randy Encarnacion
  • RHP Aroon Avila
  • RHP Angher Cespedes
  • RHP Malvin Pena
  • RHP Ramses Rosario
  • LHP Isaias Silfa
  • C Jeyner Baez
  • 3B Francys Peguero
  • 1B Neivy Pilier
  • 1B Davinson Pimentel
  • 2B Joshual Ramirez
  • OF Telmito Agustin
  • OF Aridio Rodriguez

Three Bold Predictions

  1. To maximize the super-rotation-ness of their super-rotation, the Nationals have Max Scherzer, Stephen Strasburg, and Jordan Zimmermann utilize the classic three-pitchers-in-one-large-trench-coat strategy, Vincent Adultman style. They still manage to be shorter than Doug Fister.
  2. Frustrated by having to wait for Trea Turner to actually become a National, GM Mike Rizzo orders a covert operation to extract Turner from his Lake Elsinore apartment in the middle the night during the first week of the season.
  3. Bryce Harper finally faces a pitcher younger than him when 21-year-old Mets second baseman is forced to pitch to Harper during a 23-inning marathon against the Nationals in late April.