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Projected Lineup

3B: My Carp Enter

RF: Geese Sauna Ward

LF: May Taller Day

1B: Might Add Hems

SS: Chaw Nipple Alter

C: Yawn Dire Mole Cleaner

2B: Cold Hen Wrong

CF: Sanjay

SP: Dad The Main Right

SP: Land Sling

SP: Jaw Nail Achey

SP: Mic Quinoa Ca-caw

SP: Careless Martinis

Off-season Haiku

Shelby for Jason.

That’s all I can remember.

Rest in peace, Oscar.

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Randal Grichuk off Ryan Dennick – 449 feet

You probably thought that Matt Holliday bomb was the farthest Cardinals dinger of the year, but Grichuk’s homer actually edged that one out by a few feet, according to HitTracker.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Oscar Taveras off Odrisamer Despaigne – 355 feet

One hell of a swing. He will be missed.

Best Names in the Farm System

• LHP Jonathan Cornelius
• RHP Jordan Swagerty
• C Travis Tartamella
• 2B Breyvic Valera
• 3B Patrick Wisdom
• OF Nick Martini
• RHP Pedro Echemendia
• RHP Silfredo Garcia
• RHP Dixon Llorens
• LHP Iden Nazario
• C Dante Rosenberg
• C Gerwuins Velazco
• 3B Ildemaro Vargas
• RHP Kyle Barraclough
• C Steve Bean
• 3B Ronnierd Garcia
• 2B Richy Pedroza
• 1B Justin Ringo
• OF Rowan Wick
• LHP Dewin Perez
• RHP Daniel Poncedeleon
• SS Leobaldo Pina
• SS Robelys Reyes
• OF Kenny Peoples-Walls
• RHP Jery Then
• RHP Dailyn Martinez
• 1B Jesus Ustariz
• OF Bladimil Franco
• OF Magneuris Sierra
• RHP Silas Bohannan
• RHP Frederis Parra
• 2B Malik Collymore
• OF DeAndre Asbury-Heath
• RHP Sandy Alcantara
• RHP Franyel Casadilla
• RHP Will Changarotty
• RHP Oneiver Diaz
• RHP Junior Fernandez
• 2B Wadye Ynfante

Three Bold Predictions

1. After misreading the giant “Big Mac Land” sign in left field as “Big Mark Land”, Mark Reynolds is so motivated to succeed that he develops a Bonds-like approach at the plate and posts a .951 OPS with 47 home runs, 37 to Big Mark Land.
2. As the newest Matt on the team, reliever Matt Belisle is forced to change his his first name. Jhonny Peralta suggests “Mhatt”, and it sticks. Mhatt Belisle has a stellar year, with career hhighs in strikehouts and hholds.
3. John Lackey struggles mightily in the first half of the season and loses his rotation spot to young lefty Marco Gonzales, prompting this exchange:

Mike Matheny: John, we can’t afford to throw you out there every fifth day. We’re putting you in the pen.

John Lackey: