2014 CFBBQ Season Previews: Oakland Athletics

Click here for all previous previews. 

Athletic Eyes (including injured Jarrod Parker)

athletics_withnames

Off-season Haiku:

A bunch of weird trades.

Kazmir and Punto. GET PUMPED.

We love Yoenis.

Best Names in the Farm System:

  • 1B Max Muncy
  • OF D’Arby Myers
  • OF Conner Crumbliss
  • 3B Miles Head
  • 3B B.A. Vollmuth
  • C Nick Rickles
  • RHP Kayvon Bahramzadeh
  • LHP Jerad Grundy
  • OF Herschel Powell
  • OF Jonesy Zarraga
  • LHP Jhenderson Hurtado
  • 1B Sandber Pimentel
  • RHP Wilfredo Magallenes
  • RHP Emerson Nelo
  • C Jesus Monserratt
  • RHP Travis Pitcher
  • OF Vicmal De La Cruz

FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS:

  • After a slew of pitching injuries, the A’s re-sign Vida Blue who then posts a 3.41 ERA in 130 innings as a 64 year old.
  • Sean Doolittle will do more doing.
  • To save money on concessions, the A’s will repurpose the overflowing sewage from the dugouts as “Oakland Chili” to be sold on hot dogs throughout the stadium
  • Billy Beane will hang ’em up after the season and the A’s will replace him with the actual Brad Pitt.
  • Yoenis Cespedes will win the Home Run Derby, the Silver Slugger, the MVP, the World Series, Mr. Universe, Ms. Universe, the Iditarod Dog Sled Race, the 2014 congressional seat for Alameda County, 14 episodes of Jeopardy in a row, and the hearts, minds, and souls of the American people.
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