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3B: Gosher Risen
RF: Craig Horny Pollen Co.
CF: Hand Room Ink Munchkin
2B: Wheel Knocker
LF: Czar Lint Marquee
1B: Paid Troll Varies
SS: Shorty Murder
C: Frown Cyst Coster Valley
SP: Carrot Goal
SP: Age Burnout
SP: Frown Cyst Crawl Hearing Honor
SP: Jay Flock
SP: Van Swirly
Off-season Haiku
Lose one good-framing
former Yankee catcher, eh?
Well, they got two more.
Farthest Home Run of 2014
Ike Davis off Josh Beckett – 450 feet
This home run would look significantly less impressive in Oakland.
Shortest Home Run of 2014
Travis Snider off Tim Hudson – 334 feet
This home run would look significantly more impressive in Baltimore.
Best Names in the Farm System
- 3B Deibinson Romero
- OF Gorkys Hernandez
- RHP Matt Benedict
- C Dwight Childs
- 2B Gift Ngoepe
- RHP Yhonathan Barrios
- RHP Jhondaniel Medina
- RHP Tyler Sample
- 1B D.J. Crumlich
- OF Raul Fortunato
- OF Jonathan Schwind
- RHP Dovydas Neverauskas
- C Kawika Emsley-Pai
- SS JaCoby Jones
- OF Maximo Rivera
- RHP Montana DuRapau
- RHP Sam Street
- C Deybi Garcia
- 2B Trace Tam Sing
- RHP Marek Minarik
- RHP Oderman Rocha
- RHP Jonathan Sandfort
- SS Trae Arbet
- 2B Ulises Montilla
- OF Enyel Vallejo
- RHP Gage Hinsz
- RHP Yunior Montero
- LHP Horelbin Ramos
- RHP Jandy Vasquez
- SS Bealyn Chourio
- OF Tito Polo
- RHP Jherson Esqueda
- RHP Yeudy Garcia
- LHP Nestor Oronel
- RHP Eumir Sepulveda
- C Mikell Granberry
- 1B Huascar Fuentes
- 2B Raul Siri
- OF Mister Luciano
- OF Jeremias Portorreal
- OF Sandy Santos
- OF Edison Lantigua
Three Bold Predictions
- Someone tells Gregory Polanco that his swing is better suited for golf so he changes his name to Greg Plank, buys some brash nickers, and joins the PGA tour.
- Clint Hurdle turns into a cherry.
- Shortstop Jung-Ho Kang lives up to all the hype and posts a .947 OPS in April, prompting the Pirates to go out and sign all the biggest sluggers from the Korean Baseball Organization, like Eric Thames, Yamaico Navarro, and Felix Pie.
