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3B: Gosher Risen
RF: Craig Horny Pollen Co.
CF: Hand Room Ink Munchkin
2B: Wheel Knocker
LF: Czar Lint Marquee
1B: Paid Troll Varies
SS: Shorty Murder
C: Frown Cyst Coster Valley
SP: Carrot Goal
SP: Age Burnout
SP: Frown Cyst Crawl Hearing Honor
SP: Jay Flock
SP: Van Swirly
Off-season Haiku
Lose one good-framing
former Yankee catcher, eh?
Well, they got two more.
Farthest Home Run of 2014
Ike Davis off Josh Beckett – 450 feet
This home run would look significantly less impressive in Oakland.
Shortest Home Run of 2014
Travis Snider off Tim Hudson – 334 feet
This home run would look significantly more impressive in Baltimore.
Best Names in the Farm System
- 3B Deibinson Romero
- OF Gorkys Hernandez
- RHP Matt Benedict
- C Dwight Childs
- 2B Gift Ngoepe
- RHP Yhonathan Barrios
- RHP Jhondaniel Medina
- RHP Tyler Sample
- 1B D.J. Crumlich
- OF Raul Fortunato
- OF Jonathan Schwind
- RHP Dovydas Neverauskas
- C Kawika Emsley-Pai
- SS JaCoby Jones
- OF Maximo Rivera
- RHP Montana DuRapau
- RHP Sam Street
- C Deybi Garcia
- 2B Trace Tam Sing
- RHP Marek Minarik
- RHP Oderman Rocha
- RHP Jonathan Sandfort
- SS Trae Arbet
- 2B Ulises Montilla
- OF Enyel Vallejo
- RHP Gage Hinsz
- RHP Yunior Montero
- LHP Horelbin Ramos
- RHP Jandy Vasquez
- SS Bealyn Chourio
- OF Tito Polo
- RHP Jherson Esqueda
- RHP Yeudy Garcia
- LHP Nestor Oronel
- RHP Eumir Sepulveda
- C Mikell Granberry
- 1B Huascar Fuentes
- 2B Raul Siri
- OF Mister Luciano
- OF Jeremias Portorreal
- OF Sandy Santos
- OF Edison Lantigua
Three Bold Predictions
- Someone tells Gregory Polanco that his swing is better suited for golf so he changes his name to Greg Plank, buys some brash nickers, and joins the PGA tour.
- Clint Hurdle turns into a cherry.
- Shortstop Jung-Ho Kang lives up to all the hype and posts a .947 OPS in April, prompting the Pirates to go out and sign all the biggest sluggers from the Korean Baseball Organization, like Eric Thames, Yamaico Navarro, and Felix Pie.
CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE 