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Projected Lineup

3B: Ying-Yang Nervous Oh Latte

CF: Wilhelm Eyres

RF: Matic Imp

LF: Just Turnip Tin

1B: Honduras Lawn So

2B: Jedd Jerk-O

C: Dare Rick Norse

SS: Alex E. A Barista

SP: Jay Mush Heels

SP: Ann? Rue cash? NAH.

SP: Ty Sinner Awes

SP: E.N. Canada

SP: Ode Re-sign Mart Español

Off-season Haiku

Myers, Upton, Kemp,

Norris, Middlebrooks, Morrow,

Shields, *inhale*, AND CLINT BARMES!

Farthest Home Run of 2014
Seth Smith off Dan Haren – 447 feet

Only in Petco can the farthest home run of the year barely go over the fence.

Shortest Home Run of 2014
Yonder Alonso off Jordan Lyles – 342

These is an example of a Yonder Alonso double that actually turned into a Yonder Alonso home run.

Best Names in the Farm System

• RHP Stephen Kohlscheen
• RHP Zack Segovia
• C Griff Erickson
• C Rocky Gale
• OF Yeison Asencio
• OF Rico Noel
• RHP Zechariah Lemond
• RHP James Needy
• RHP Adys Portillo
• RHP Alan Oaks
• RHP Genison Reyes
• 1B Luis Domoromo
• OF Alberth Martinez
• LHP Payton Baskette
• RHP Colby Blueberg
• RHP Jason Jester
• RHP Justin Livengood
• 2B Renaldo Bruguera
• OF Franmil Reyes
• SS Josh VanMeter
• SS Franchy Cordero
• 2B Jalen Goree
• 2B River Stevens
• OF Yale Rosen
• RHP Jace Chancellor
• RHP Jaimito Lebron
• RHP Mayky Perez
• RHP Starling Ynfante
• SS Ruddy Giron
• OF Euri Minaya
• LHP Eisler Cordova
• RHP Dinelson Lamet
• RHP Rosmel Purroy
• SS Westhers Magdaleno
• OF Dayon Olmo
• 2B Elys Ugueto

Three Bold Predictions

• In order to make sure he never gets traded, Odrisamer Despaigne legally changes his name to San Diego Padres.
• In an effort to maximize both health and performance, Josh Johnson and Brandon Morrow literally share the 5th spot in the rotation, each taking turns every other inning during their starts.
• A.J. Preller spends the entire season trying to convince impending free agent Justin Upton to sign an extension, without Rymer reason.