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Projected Lineup

RF: Skins Hooch Ew

SS: Hell Bison Druze

1B: Bris Feeler

3B: Aid Rained Bell Torrey

DH: Mitchum Whore Land

CF: Lonesome Heart Teen

RF: Shakes Mole Hills Key

C: Rubbing Saunter Keynotes

2B: Roof Need Her Door

SP: Chobani Guy Hardo

SP: Terry Collins

SP: Nicked a Pitch

SP: Go Be Loose

SP: Rocket Wilder

Off-season Haiku

Gallardo: good start.

Down goes Profar, down goes Yu.

Another year of hurt.

Farthest Home Run of 2014

Prince Fielder off Blake Beavan – 446 feet

This Prince dinger came in like the second week of the season. Once everyone on the Rangers roster started dropping like flies, it was hard to expect anyone to hit one farther than this Prince one.
Shortest Home Run of 2014

Donnie Murphy off Fernando Abad – 339 feet

This being a home run might be the only thing that went the Rangers way in 2014.
Best Names in the Farm System

• LHP Martire Garcia
• SS Guilder Rodriguez
• 1B Rock Shoulders
• RHP Jefri Hernandez
• RHP Keone Kela
• 1B J.T. Wise
• OF Teodoro Martinez
• RHP Arlett Mavare
• LHP Yohander Mdnez
• LHP Ryne Slack
• 3B Janluis Castro
• 1B Smerling Lantigua
• C Sherman Lacrus
• SS Isiah Kiner-Falefa
• 3B Tripp Martin
• 3B Juremi Profar
• OF Saquan Johnson
• RHP Easton Napiontek
• RHP Storm Rynard
• SS Yeyson Yrizarri
• 3B Ti’Quan Forbes
• OF Darius Day
• RHP Greidy Martinez
• RHP Argenis Rodriguez
• C Yohel Pozo
• SS Brallan Perez
• OF Yimmelvyn Alonzo
• DH Andretty Cordero
• RHP Israel Cruz
• LHP Gionny Fracchiolla
• RHP Yancarlos Martinez
• RHP Yelfri Minoz
• LHP Nerfy Nunez
• LHP Yonelvy Pichardo
• LHP Yhonson Rojas
• 1B Porfirio Martinez
• OF Darwin Tovar

Three Bold Predictions

1. After Nick Tepesch gives up seven runs for a fourth consecutive start, the Rangers decide left-handed Yu Darvish is the best option as their fifth starter. Lefty Darvish finishes the year with a 3.57 ERA in 128 innings pitched.
2. Struggling to maintain any fan interest when out of the playoff race by mid-June, the Rangers cancel their home games in favor of impromptu home run derbies between Prince Fielder, Joey Gallo, and recently acquired Carlos Peguero.
3. During their series at Coors Field in July, Rougned Odor hits a game-tying homer off Rockies reliever LaTroy Hawkins, who was drafted nearly three years before Odor was born.