>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

Earlier this week, we introduced the BBQ Best Name Bracket presented by Baseball-Reference, a March Madness-style tournament allowing you to help us determine the funniest name in old-timey baseball history. After some initial discomfort with the committee’s seeding selections, passionate folk across America rushed out to the polls to express their support for their favorite monikers. Roughly 34,000 individual votes were cast (about 1,000 per match-up) during Round 1 of the Best Name Bracket. Here are the results, along with some super serious analysis:

(click image to enlarge)

Region 1

1. Ten Million (85%) vs. 16. Firpo Marberry (15%)

The #1 overall seed had no trouble advancing, steamrolling the unassuming Firpo with a convincing % of the vote.

8. Frank De Frank (42%) vs. 9. Bill Dingus (58%)

The 8-9 match-up is generally a toss-up, but the voters seemed pretty sure about this one. Mr. Dingus comfortably defeated Frankie Frank. He’ll need a lot of support in Round 2 to defeat the 10,000,000 powerhouse.

5. Double Duty Radcliffe (43%) vs. 12. Bud Weiser (57%)

America loves beer. Even bad beer. Bud Weiser moves on, while Bud Light was eliminated in the first round of the Best Name NIT.

4. Cheese Goggans (59%) vs. 13. Ernest Hooker (41%)

A crowd favorite heading into the tourney, Cheese took care of business.

3. Van Lingle Mungo (72%) vs. 14. Stoney Henges (28%)

VLM moves on, as most voters just couldn’t quite wrap their heads around what the hell Stoney Henges is all about.

6. Cat Eye (43%) vs. 11. Dummy Hoy (57%)

The mystique of Cat Eye wasn’t quite intriguing enough to earn more votes than the best deaf player in history. Fair enough. Dummy Hoy was a badass.

7. Mysterious Walker (73%) vs. 10. Speed Walker (27%)

You know what they say: mystery kills.

2. Harry Colliflower (53%) vs. 15. Spot Poles (47%)

Everyone’s favorite brassica oleracea narrowly escaped the upset, and may actually have an easier time in Round 2.

Region 2

1. Count Sensenderfer (81%) vs. 16. Pid Purdy (19%)

Some argued that Pid deserved a better fate than facing Sir Sensenderfer in Round Uno, but alas, Mr. Purdy is heading home early.

8. Homer Ball (53%) vs. 9. Bumpus Jones (47%)

Chicks dig the Homer Ball.

5. Elmo Welp (71%) vs. 12. Art Rebel (29%)

Art Rebel might argue, “you just don’t get it, man”. Welp, sorry. Elmo moves on.

4. Kid Camp (13%) vs. 13. Dizzy Nutter (87%)

Nutter’s supporters proved to be the loudest in Round 1, furiously demanding a higher seeding from the start. We’ll see how far this early momentum can take him.

3. Vianello Drinkwater (42%) vs. 14. Clovis Butts (58%)

Voters like Clovis Butts, and they cannot lie. A huge upset.

6. Bad News Hall (56%) vs. 11. Blue Ballew (44%)

Bad news for Blue Ballew, whose aesthetically pleasing moniker wasn’t enough to overcome the pessimistic gathering place.

7. Vinegar Bend Mizell (25%) vs. 10. Dick Powers (75%)

No respect for the little town in Alabama. Mizell gets demolished by a middling dick joke.

2. Shadrack McHooveter (76%) vs. 15. Cliff Doom (24%)

Shad carefully navigated his way past the ominous Doom.

Region 3

1. Bris Lord (51%) vs. 16. Ossee Schreckengost (49%)

The controversial #1 seed was in serious danger of succumbing to the lovable catcher known as Schreck, but the manly mohel lives to see another day.

8. LaGrand Mallamy (14%) vs. 9. Boots Poffenberger (86%)

Boots’ belligerent boisterousness was too much for Mr. Mallamy. Boots looks to have a strong chance at upsetting the #1 seed Lord in Round 2.

5. Kaiser Wilhelm (66%) vs. 12. Carmen Fanzone (34%)

The German emperor confidently defeated the Fan Zone…with the help of Ludendorff and von Hindenburg, of course.

4. Ed Head (74%) vs. 13. Ed Gnadinger (26%)

Not nearly enough voters believed Ed was actually gonna dinger. Head wins the Ed Bowl.

3. Pretzels Getzien (51%) vs. 14. Pussy Tebeau (49%)

The OG B-Ref Battle name scraped by a dangerous 14 seed.

6. Milo Trpkosh (13%) vs. 11. Dick Oder (87%)

Many assumed Trpkosh had enough oddly-ordered consonants in his name to defeat the Dick Conference winner, but that was clearly not the case. Perhaps “Milo Trpklmqzvgwjosh” would have had more support.

7. Red Van Fleet (23%) vs. 10. Dip Orange (77%)

Haven’t you heard? Dip Orange is the new black.

2. The Only Nolan (60%) vs. 15. William Boner (40%)

The Only Nolan succeeded in being the only player to defeat a player named William Boner in a bracket based on silly names.

Region 4

1. Orlando Zgraggen (77%) vs. 16. Pi Schwert (23%)

A valiant effort from the puny Pi Schwert, but Puff the Magic Zgraggen maintained a commanding lead right from the get-go.

8. Efird Tickle (41%) vs. 9. Astyanax Douglass (59%)

Voters really don’t like being tickled. They prefer a 1920’s catcher whose name sounds like sleep medication.

5. Yank Deas (50.1%) vs. 12. Creepy Crespi (49.9%)

This one went down to the wire — it was tied heading into the final ten minutes of voting — but ultimately Yank edged out CC by a few votes.

4. Alabama Pitts (49%) vs. 13. Alamazoo Jennings (51%)

A match-up for the ages, these two A-grade, A-named superstars battled it out from the start. Alamazoo pulled away in the last hour to complete the upset.

3. Agamemnon Baca (59%) vs. 14. Oyster Burns (41%)

As if Agamemnon was gonna lose in the 1st round. Baca sails through to Round 2 with ease.

6. King Boring (45%) vs. 11. Lil Stoner (55%)

No match-up was audibly agonized over more than this one. It started off tremendously close, Stoner pulled away in the last 24 hours of voting.

7. Yam Yaryan (39%) vs. 10. Shagowash Graves (61%)

Yam was a sleeper to reach the Sweet 16, but was ambushed by the Shagowash supporters and forced to head home early.

2. Squiz Pillion (66%) vs. 15. Snake Deal (34%)

Perhaps the most under-appreciated name in the Best Name Bracket, Pillion handled his first round match-up with ease.

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

The official sponsor of the Best Name Bracket is baseball-reference.com! Right now, you can head over to http://www.baseball-reference.com/play-index/bbq.shtml and use the coupon code “bbq” to get $6 off a one-year subscription to the Play Index, an invaluable tool for answering all your ridiculously specific statistical queries about baseball history.