Tha BBQ Part II

This was the first post on this website:

didi

With that horrible joke in mind, we’d like to formally welcome you to the last post on this website.

Hey everybody, Jake Mintz, Jordan Shusterman here. We’ve been teasing some news now for a while and the day has come to finally explain ourselves.

As some of you know, we graduated college a few weeks ago. One of the many shitty things about graduating college is that afterwards you’re usually expected to get a job and make money and stuff. After four years of dicking around on this website and on the Internet in general, the time has finally come for us to face reality and get our sorry asses a job. Now we have to do adult things like cleaning up dishes and peeing in the toilet and paying a mortgage (honest thing: I don’t know what a mortgage consists of. Is it a physical thing? Can I trade it? Does someone win? I don’t know…).

Lucky for us, we are happy to announce that we have in fact successfully obtained an ADULT JOB™. Even more lucky for us, said job will not stop us from watching an unhealthy amount of baseball on a regular basis. In fact, said job encourages such behavior! Starting this week, you can find whatever the heck it is that we do on MLB.com, primarily on Cut4 (where you may have seen some videos from us over the past year). Today is our first day at the offices in NYC (cubicles are weird, I want to rearrange all of them to fit together like Tetris blocks… apparently ADHD doesn’t subside when you graduate college), where we’ll be working regularly to produce entertaining baseball-related #content, as opposed to just whenever we don’t have too much homework to do. So while the BBQ as currently presented to you will be no more, there is a bigger and better version on the way.

When we started this thing four years ago in my living room during a game of MVP Baseball 2004, we never expected it to get us a job or even get us a following, let alone a follower. The whole journey from December 2012 to now has been inexplicable and hilarious.

OG stop on the OG road trip circa July 2013

OG stop on the OG road trip circa July 2013

The first game we attended together as the BBQ was in July of 2013. We drove from our homes near Washington D.C. to Clinton, Iowa and paid ten dollars to watch the Clinton LumberKings take on the Cedar Rapids Kernels (19-year-old Jose Berrios actually started that game!).

The most recent game we attended together was Game 5 of the 2017 World Series at Wrigley Field. Before the game we made a video with a Cubs pitcher in the dugout and then watched the game in the auxiliary press box. I guess life is like baseball: weird, unpredictable and running around in a circle might actually get you somewhere.

It sounds dumb and cliche, because it is, but we owe a lot of it to you people. Jordan and I always say that the most enjoyable part of Twitter is seeing what funny stuff people tweet at us. There’s only two of us and there’s thousands of you, so your collective humor is miles better than anything we could ever come up with. So yeah, thanks. Don’t expect a card or a hug or anything, but still, thanks for making it super worth breaking Rule #1 all the time.

We also want to thank our parents for keeping us alive for 21+ years and supporting (almost) all of our BBQ-related decisions over the past four years, Kendall Guillemette being our behind-the-scenes tech magician and one of our earliest supporters, and of course, Yoenis Cespedes for being the most entertaining, bizarre, and captivating dude in baseball. If Yo wasn’t Yo, we’d just be two lame dorky unemployed guys who just graduated college. Instead, we’re two lame dorky employed guys who just graduated college. Thanks, Yo.

So now what are we gonna do? That’s a really good question. Over the next few weeks our role at MLB.com will become clearer, but there are a few things you can definitely expect. We’ll be working mostly with the kind, talented, and deceptively athletic folks over at Cut4. We’ll also be focused on developing a bunch of video content for them, in studio, at parks, in the house, with a mouse, etc. And yes, we’ll still be tweeting goofy baseball shit @cespedesbbq and posting silly Snapchats at the same handle.

I think I speak for Jordan and I — actually I know I speak for us because I am me and he edited this — when I say that MLB’s resources, access, and platform will allow us to do way more cool stuff that will be available for your eyeballs. As White Sox legend Michael Jordan once said, “The ceiling is the roof.”

People always talked about what would happen if Bo Jackson quit football and dedicated himself only to baseball. We’ve always talked about what if the BBQ quit school and dedicated itself exclusively to baseball jokes. Well, time to see if Yo is Bo…

BBQ signing off… for now.

salt flats

HOUSEKEEPING (a couple important FYIs about where you can find our stuff/contact us):

  • Our Twitter (@CespedesBBQ) will remain active and operated by both of us. Nothing changes on that front.
  • Same thing goes for our Snapchat, which we will hopefully start to pick back up now that this is our job and not our hobby (also @cespedesbbq). Snapchat is also the best way to reach us if you have a question or wanna tell us something — we are far more likely to respond on there than on Twitter. You can also still e-mail us at cespedesfb@gmail.com. 
  • The Barbecast in its current form will be ending this week. Our final regular Barbecast (Episode 110, the Podultimate Pod) is available now. Our final see-ya-later Barbecast (AKA the BarbeLast) will be released soon and will basically just be us saying a lot of this post out loud + a few special guests. The current plan is to keep all past episodes available here on our site and on iTunes for you to peruse. You can find a list of links to all old episodes + which special guests were featured on each on by clicking here.

 

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BBQ Best Name Bracket Champion: Shadrack McHooveter

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET INTRODUCTION <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE FINAL BRACKET <<<

After roughly two weeks of grueling competition between 64 of our favorite names from ancient baseball history, we have reached a triumphant conclusion. After three days of championship voting, a winner has been crowned.

2. Shadrack McHooveter (56.7%) vs. 3. Pretzels Getzien (43.3%)

To recap our champion’s historic run, I’ll seek to answer three simple questions.

How did Shadrack McHooveter get to this point?

In Round 1, the #2 seed Shadrack was matched up against what we thought to be the toughest #15 seed: Cliff Doom. Shad and his supporters were hardly intimidated, handing doom a defeat of biblical proportions: 76% of the vote — the highest % he would ultimately receive all tournament.

Round 2 presented Shadrack with the first of three consecutive juvenile competitors, this being one of the two Dick Jokes in the tournament: #10 seed Dick Powers. The Dick Jokes proved to be a tough test for anyone unfortunate enough to have to face them, but McHooveter McHooved by Powers with just under 51% of the vote to advance to the Sweet 16.

After surviving the Dick, Shadrack was now faced with the butts; underdog #14 seed Clovis Butts, to be exact. Early support for Butts eventually faded, as Shadrack surged ahead and advanced with a solid yet unspectacular 54% of the vote.

The Elite Eight presented Shadrack with another Cinderella story that tickled a lot of voters’ fancies in the form of #13 seed Dizzy Nutter. After countless cries against the under-seeding of Mr. Nutter, his strongest supporters seemed to fall silent for this crucial stage in the tournament, only mustering 42% any of the vote to Shadrack’s 58%. McHooveter moved on.

The Final Four was undoubtedly Shadrack’s most difficult challenge: the #1 overall seed and perennial powerhouse, Ten Million. Those crying Real Names Over Nicknames had no argument against Million’s genuine moniker, and yet, Shadrack managed to edge out an incredible victory by a mere nine votes against the Ten Million Dollar Man. Many argued that this deserved to the be the championship match-up — I can’t say I disagree. Regardless, Shadrack advanced to the final stage.

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BBQ Best Name Bracket Final Four Results

CHAMPIONSHIP VOTING IS NOW OPEN

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ELITE EIGHT RESULTS <<<

We have reached the agonizing final stages of this bracket, with each region’s winner ascending to the Final Four to compete for a spot in the Best Name Championship. Our four remaining competitors:

Ten Million AKA 10,000,000 AKA The Original North West entered the tourney as the #1 overall seed and the favorite to take home the trophy. He cruised through the first few rounds of his region, but his 55% showing in the Elite Eight against Van Lingle Mungo did seem to cast some doubt on his pedigree.

Shadrack McHooveter, a valiant #2 seed who crushed Dizzy Nutter’s Cinderella story in the previous round to punch his ticket to the Final Four. “Shad”, as his friends know him, garnered immense support once matched up against Ten Million, with many citing the popular Beastie Boys song as his official anthem.

Pretzels Getzien, the OG Best Name and the god damn inspiration for this entire tournament and innovator of the curveball, has earned hundreds of votes from Barbecast listeners and snack enthusiasts alike. His remarkable run to the latter stages of this tournament will never be forgotten, no matter the end result.

And of course, Orlando Zgraggen, the other remaining #1 seed alongside Mr. Million, fought through what we considered to be the toughest region in the tournament on his way to the Final Four. He took down crowd favorites Yank Deas and Lil Stoner with no remorse, and appeared locked and loaded heading into his match-up against Pretzels.

Four names entered. Only two remain. The results:

Final Four

1. Ten Million (49.6%) vs. 2. Shadrack McHooveter (50.4%)

This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable Shadrack. McHooveter holds on by a mere nine votes to advance to the title match.

3. Pretzels Getzien (54.6%) vs. 1. Orlando Zgraggen (45.4%)

The support for our German hero stayed strong, as the Zgraggen was sent home Zpacking.

***

The official sponsor of the Best Name Bracket is baseball-reference.com! Right now, you can head over to http://www.baseball-reference.com/play-index/bbq.shtml and use the coupon code “bbq” to get $6 off a one-year subscription to the Play Index, an invaluable tool for answering all your ridiculously specific statistical queries about baseball history.

CHAMPIONSHIP VOTING IS NOW OPEN

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ELITE EIGHT RESULTS <<<

 

BBQ Best Name Bracket Elite Eight Results

>>> FINAL FOUR VOTING IS NOW OPEN <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

We’ve come a long way since the BBQ Best Name Bracket opened about a week ago with 64 tremendous baseball names from the distant past. Over 50,000 individual votes have been cast since the first 32 match-ups were opened, and after a smattering of upsets and dominant performances from higher seeds alike, America has narrowed the field down to four. The results:

bestnamebracketfinalfour

REGION 1

1. Ten Million (55%) vs. 3. Van Lingle Mungo (45%)

The pre-tourney favorite to win it all had his first real test in Mungo, and his % dropped another 7 points from the previous round. It was still more than enough to defeat VLM and punch his ticket to the Final Four.

REGION 2

13. Dizzy Nutter (42%) vs. 2. Shadrack McHooveter (58%)

The fan favorite Nutter’s miracle run comes to an end, as Shadrack moves on with the highest % of votes among the four winning teams this round.

REGION 3

9. Boots Poffenberger (48%) vs. 3. Pretzels Getzien (52%)

The #9 seed had one hell of a run to this point, but his amusing belligerent alcoholism detailed so eloquently in his description could only take him so far. Pretzels > Poff.

REGION 4

1. Orlando Zgraggen (54%) vs. 11. Lil Stoner (46%)

Enter the Zgraggen, Lil Stoner did, and eliminated he was.

***

The official sponsor of the Best Name Bracket is baseball-reference.com! Right now, you can head over to http://www.baseball-reference.com/play-index/bbq.shtml and use the coupon code “bbq” to get $6 off a one-year subscription to the Play Index, an invaluable tool for answering all your ridiculously specific statistical queries about baseball history.

>>> FINAL FOUR VOTING IS NOW OPEN <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

BBQ Best Name Bracket Sweet 16 Results

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

The Sweet 16 of the BBQ Best Name Bracket presented us with eight heart-wrenching match-ups. This brutal round forced us to do some thorough soul searching in an effort to determine which of these 16 names were worth of Elite Eight status. In the words of Ryan Seacrest, America has spoken. Full results and analysis:

bestnamebracketeliteeight

REGION 1

1. Ten Million (62%) vs. 4. Cheese Goggans (38%)

While the #1 overall seed won handily yet again, it’s worth pointing out that Mr. Million has dropped roughly ten percentage points each round. If the trend continues, he may struggle to beat the intimidating Mungo.

3. Van Lingle Mungo (59%) vs. 7. Mysterious Walker (41%)

Mysterious Walker’s mysterious hot streak ends at the hands of VLM. About time.

REGION 2

1. Count Sensenderfer (48%) vs. 13. Dizzy Nutter (52%)

Another #1 seed falls at the hands of Dizzy Nutter and the enormous bandwagon of support he’s got right behind him. Many thought this would be the end of the line for Dizzy, but here we are.

14. Clovis Butts (46%) vs. 2. Shadrack McHooveter (54%)

The Cinderella Butts story comes to a tragic yet understandable end, as the six-syllable Shadrack earned just enough votes to continue onto Round 4.

REGION 3

9. Boots Poffenberger (66%) vs. 4. Ed Head (34%)

Arguably a more surprising upset than his takedown of #1 seed Bris Lord, Boots continued his excellent form with a shockingly easy defeat of the best rhyme in the tourney, Ed Head.

3. Pretzels Getzien (64%) vs. 2. The Only Nolan (36%)

After a second round scare against Dick Oder, Pretzels and his supporters re-gained focus and confidently beat The Only Nolan. The Only Pretzels.

REGION 4

1. Orlando Zgraggen (53%) vs. 5. Yank Deas (47%)

The first two rounds seemed to indicate an unstoppable journey towards the title for Yank, but the Zgraggen was released and Deas’ journey was indeed stopped in Round 3.

11. Lil Stoner (51%) vs. 2. Squiz Pillion (49%)

Perhaps the most disappointing result for us here at the BBQ, one of our all-time favorites was eliminated by a mere 13 votes in favor of The Littlest Stoner. So much for the Million vs. Pillion championship. THANKS, GUYS.

The official sponsor of the Best Name Bracket is baseball-reference.com! Right now, you can head over to http://www.baseball-reference.com/play-index/bbq.shtml and use the coupon code “bbq” to get $6 off a one-year subscription to the Play Index, an invaluable tool for answering all your ridiculously specific statistical queries about baseball history.

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

BBQ Best Name Bracket Round 2 Results

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 1 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

Round 2 of the BBQ Best Name Bracket concluded last night, as voters across the globe determined the 16 names they’d like to see duke it out for the title of Best Name in Baseball History. In turn, 16 tremendous names were sent home, forced to ponder what combination of letters or string of consonants could have given them a better chance in this remarkably tough field. We enter the Sweet 16 with only three #1 seeds, a Cinderella #14 seed, and perhaps most shockingly, zero dick jokes. Full results and analysis:

(click image to enlarge)

bestnamebracketsweet16

REGION 1

1. Ten Million (74%) vs. 9. Bill Dingus (26%)

The Ten Million train had no issue with the scrappy #9 seed. He’ll face his first true competition in the Sweet 16.

12. Bud Weiser (42%) vs. 4. Cheese Goggans (58%)

America may have liked Budweiser enough to put the #12 seed through to Round 2, but he was no match for the man known as Cheese.

Continue reading

BBQ Best Name Bracket Round 1 Results

>>> CLICK HERE FOR THE BRACKET <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR ROUND 2 RESULTS <<<

>>> CLICK HERE FOR SWEET 16 RESULTS <<<

Earlier this week, we introduced the BBQ Best Name Bracket presented by Baseball-Reference, a March Madness-style tournament allowing you to help us determine the funniest name in old-timey baseball history. After some initial discomfort with the committee’s seeding selections, passionate folk across America rushed out to the polls to express their support for their favorite monikers. Roughly 34,000 individual votes were cast (about 1,000 per match-up) during Round 1 of the Best Name Bracket. Here are the results, along with some super serious analysis:

(click image to enlarge)

bestnamebracketroundtwo

Region 1

1. Ten Million (85%) vs. 16. Firpo Marberry (15%)

The #1 overall seed had no trouble advancing, steamrolling the unassuming Firpo with a convincing % of the vote.

8. Frank De Frank (42%) vs. 9. Bill Dingus (58%)

The 8-9 match-up is generally a toss-up, but the voters seemed pretty sure about this one. Mr. Dingus comfortably defeated Frankie Frank. He’ll need a lot of support in Round 2 to defeat the 10,000,000 powerhouse.

5. Double Duty Radcliffe (43%) vs. 12. Bud Weiser (57%)

America loves beer. Even bad beer. Bud Weiser moves on, while Bud Light was eliminated in the first round of the Best Name NIT.

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