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CF: House Tinge Hacksaw
LF: Stench’s Myth
2B: Robbing Sunk Canoe
DH: Kneel Sunk Rose
3B: Kale Caesar
1B: Logging Forrest Inn
C: Mice Coon He Knows
LF: Dunce Tinge Hack Leash
SS: Bread Milker
SP: Flexer Nantes
SP: He Saw Your Ewok Humor
SP: Jane’s Spanx Town
SP: Tie Wawa Corn
SP: Ronin Hiss Alias
Off-season Haiku
Maybe a year late,
but Nelson Cruz has arrived.
Rickie Weeks, too? Sure!
Farthest Home Run of 2014
Chris Denorfia off Sean Nolin – 433 feet
And you really wondered why the M’s were willing to give up The Great Abraham Almonte for a few months of Denorfia’s services.
Shortest Home Run of 2014
Mike Zunino off Dan Straily – 338 feet
It’s funny how this counted as a home run while this gargantuan foul ball Zunino hit in April counted for nil.
Best Names in the Farm System
- LHP Misael Siverio
- RHP Forrest Snow
- 3B Yordi Calderon
- OF Jabari Blash
- 3B Zach Shank
- OF Chantz Mack
- OF Jabari Henry
- OF Burt Reynolds
- RHP Thyago Vieira
- RHP Hawtin Buchanan
- LHP Joselito Cano
- RHP Jody Kerski
- RHP Jeffeson Medina
- RHP Lukas Schiraldi
- OF Sheehan Planas-Arteaga
- RHP Yohailys Millord
- RHP Jeremiah Muhammad
- RHP Ulises Perez
- RHP Marvin Gorgas
- C Wei Wang
- SS Rayder Ascanio
- 3B Lachlan Fontaine
- 2B Kavin Keyes
- OF Hersin Martinez
- RHP Rigoberto Garcia
- RHP Ugueth Urbina
- OF Arby Fields
- C Georvic Perez
- SS Gianfranco Wawoe
- LHP Melchor Urquides
- LHP Romulo Manzueta
- RHP Aneurys Zabala
- SS Greifer Andrade
- SS Johmbeyker Morales
- OF Adalfi Almonte
- LHP Liarvis Breto
- RHP Wladimir Marruffo
- RHP Paolo Padovani
- C Geoandry Montilla
- C Oberto Munoz
- 3B Alexdray Laya
- 2B Luis Rengifo
Three Bold Predictions
- King Felix enhances his enlightened despotism and institutes easier access to health care, allocates funds for the advancement of the arts, and makes capital punishment illegal.
- Brad Miller and Chris Taylor morph into one painfully white, extremely mediocre shortstop blob named Bris Maylor.
- Nelson Cruz, Robinson Cano, Mike Zunino, and Kyle Seager all put on 50 pounds and start calling themselves the Legion of Boob.
