This is what baseball is like in Japan.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

MARK AND MR. ROGERS

Not gonna lie, I don’t know very much about Brewers pitcher Mark Rogers other than that he tested positive twice for DRUGZ and was suspended for 25 games in 2011. Wikipedia also tells me he was drafted 5th overall in 2004, one pick after the beautiful Jeff Niemann. It’s hard to imagine anyone even distantly related to the unbearably nice Mr. Rogers breaking any sort of rule in any situation, so I’m gonna put this one pretty low.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 12%

STARLIN AND FIDEL CASTRO

While Starlin remains incredibly young and most likely unable to grow the type of facial hair that Fidel possesses, there are definite similarities here. It’s no coincidence that that helmet that Starlin wears every year has the letter C on it (this is a reference to the word/name Cuba, which happens to be Fidel’s area of expertise (you have to really dig deep to see this stuff)). Fidel is/was not one to care about what is/was going on in the world around him, much like our favorite Chicago “shortstop” in this little sequence of events. It’s far from certain, but I’m liking this match.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 32%

IAN AND MARTHA STEWART

If we’re judging this based on their arm-crossing techniques, there’s a legitimate chance that these two are long lost twins. Unfortunately, there are other factors in play. Also many would notice that the fingers on Martha’s left hand rest slightly on her right bicep. Ian wouldn’t stand for that shit, because he needs to hide his glove. While Martha has struggled to stay out of legal trouble, she’s climbed her way back to a personal net worth of an astounding $638 MILLION. This number is suspiciously close to Ian’s OPS from last year for the dreadful Cubs: .633. Did you know Martha Stewart used to babysit for Mickey Mantle’s kids? BASEBALL CONNECTION MAKES ALL OTHER POINTS INVALID.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 61%