World Baseball Classic Retrospective: The Best of International Nomenclature

Two months ago today, the Netherlands defeated Cuba 7-6 in an extremely exciting game of international baseball.

We got caught up in a lot of other stuff once the regular season rolled around, but we’d like to finish these up because they’re fun. The three parts completed included the 12 countries that did not actually qualify for the tournament. This post will include all 16 countries that qualified. It’s gonna be a lot. Here we go.

(Also, if you haven’t read about the Third World Baseball Classic yet, and you are not overly sensitive, please click here)

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PART 3: The Best of International Baseball Nomenclature

Click here for Part 2.

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COUNTRY: Panama

No available image online (he probably doesn’t exist)

Player: RHP Euclides Bethancour

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERCLERDERS BERTHERNCER

CFB Name: Youk Lids Beth Anchor

Name Unscrambled: Seduce Centaur

Player: IF Ashley Ponce

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERSHLER PERNC

CFB Name: A Sheep Once

Name Unscrambled: Leash Cone

Player: OF Jahdiel Santamaria

ERMAHGERD Translation: JERDERL SERNTERMAHRER

CFB Name: Chawed Hell Santa Mario

Name Unscrambled: Jailed Samaritan

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COUNTRY: The Philippines

Player: IF Leighton Pangilinan

ERMAHGERD Translation: LERGHTERN PINERLERNERN

CFB Name: Late On Pan Jillian

Name Unscrambled: Thong Planning

Player: OF Saxon Omandac

ERMAHGERD Translation: SERXERN ERMAHNDERC

CFB Name: Sex On On My Dick

Name Unscrambled: Ox Nomad

Player: OF Jonash Ponce

ERMAHGERD Translation: JERNERSH PERNC

CFB Name: Joe Nash Ponds

Name Unscrambled: Johns ? Nope

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COUNTRY: South Africa

Player: IF Gift Ngoepe

ERMAHGERD Translation: GERFT NGERP

CFB Name: .gif Nick Opi

Name Unscrambled: Fig Pong

alessio

Player: OF Alessio Angelucci

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERLERSER INERLERC

CFB Name: Alex Theo An Gel Deucy

Name Unscrambled: Seals Angelic

Player: OF Faizel Moosa

ERMAHGERD Translation: FERZERL MAHS

CFB Name: Fay Sell Moose Ah

Name Unscrambled: Fail Moo

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COUNTRY: Thailand (if you actually expected pictures…you’re crazy. Here’s proof we’re not making these up).

Player: IF Jittipong Chong-On

ERMAHGERD Translation: JERTERPIN CHINERN

CFB Name: Titty Pong Thong On

Name Unscrambled: Tiptoing Congo

Player: IF Paramutt Meepakdee

ERMAHGERD Translation: PERERMAHT MAHPERKDER

CFB Name: Pair A Mutt Me Pack D

Name Unscrambled: Trauma Peaked

Player: IF Sanyalak Pitpatpinyo

ERMAHGERD Translation: SERNERLERK PERTPERTPERNER

CFB Name: Sand Ya’ll Yak Pit Pat Pin Yo

Name Unscrambled: Alaska Pinto

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PART 2: The Best of International Baseball Nomenclature

Click here for Part 1.

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COUNTRY: Great Britain

estevenson

Player: RHP Estevenson Encarnacion

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERSTERVERNSERN ERNCERNERCERN

CFB Name: Teste Van Zone Acorn A Scion

Name Unscrambled: Oneness Cocaine

Player: IF Aeden McQuery

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERDERN MCQERER

CFB Name: Aiding McKiwi

Name Unscrambled: Dean Mercy

Player: OF Bradley Marcelino

ERMAHGERD Translation: BRERDLER MAHRCERLERN

CFB Name: Bread Lemur Ceiling O’

Name Unscrambled: Dryable Cornmeal

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COUNTRY: Israel

Player: RHP Shlomo Lipetz

ERMAHGERD Translation: SHLERM LERPERTZ

CFB Name: Slow Mole Lip Pets

Name Unscrambled: Homo Pile

Player: C Nick Rickles

ERMAHGERD Translation: NERCK RERCKLERS

CFB Name: Nig Riggles

Name Unscrambled: Ink Lickers

Player: OF Robbie Widlansky

ERMAHGERD Translation: RERBER WERDLERNSKER

CFB Name: Row Bee Wide Land Ski

Name Unscrambled: Bribe Swankily

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COUNTRY: New Zealand

Player: C Beau Bishop

ERMAHGERD Translation: BER BERSHERP

CFB Name: Bob I Shop

Name Unscrambled: Be Posh

Player: IF Boss Moanaroa

ERMAHGERD Translation: BERS MAHNERER

CFB Name: Bozemon Arrow

Name Unscrambled: Sob Moron

Player: IF Daniel Lamb-Hunt

ERMAHGERD Translation: DERNERL LERMB-HERNT

CFB Name: Daniella Munt

Name Unscrambled: Nailed Blam-Hut

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COUNTRY: Nicaragua

uber paz

Player: RHP Uber Paz

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERBER PERZ

CFB Name: You Burp As

Name Unscrambled: Rub Zap

Player: IF Ofilio Castro

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERFERLER CERSTR

CFB Name: Awful Leo Cats Row

Name Unscrambled: Fool Tacos

Player: IF Cheslor Cuthbert

ERMAHGERD Translation: CHERSLER CERTHBERT

CFB Name: Chest Lork Us Bert

Name Unscrambled: Horse Butcher

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PART 1: The Best of International Baseball Nomenclature

If you couldn’t already tell, we love names here at Cespedes Family Barbecue. They’re fun, fascinating and provide us with far more material than you could ever imagine. When the rosters for this year’s World Baseball Classic were released, it was obvious we were gonna see some awesome names from around the globe. We were not disappointed. This six part series will take a look at the best of the best of the best. And no, we aren’t making any of these up. Enjoy !

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COUNTRY: Colombia

Player: IF Iggy Suarez

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERGER SERERZ

CFB Name: Eh, Geese War Is

Name Unscrambled: Gig Arse

Player: IF Giovanny Urshela

ERMAHGERD Translation: GERVERNER ERSHERL

CFB Name: Gio Van Knee Hershey La

Name Unscrambled: Agony Haulers

Player: OF Steve Brown

ERMAHGERD Translation: STERV BRERN

CFB Name: Steve Brown

Name Unscrambled: Vest Born

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COUNTRY: Czech Republic

Player: RHP Boris Bokaj

ERMAHGERD Translation: BERERS BERKERJ

CFB Name: Bores Bo Cage

Name Unscrambled: Ribs Job

Player: OF Martin Drong

ERMAHGERD Translation: MAHRTERN DRIN

CFB Name: Mar Tender Wrong

Name Unscrambled: Train Dong

Player: IF Petr Cech

ERMAHGERD Translation: PERTR CERCH

CFB Name: Pee Turdcheck

Name Unscrambled: Pet He

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COUNTRY: France

Player: RHP Leonel Cespedes (I mean come on, obviously)

ERMAHGERD Translation: LERNERL CERSPERDERS

CFB Name: Lee Own Else Speed Is

Name Unscrambled: Lone Secedes

Player: RHP Eloi Secleppe

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERLER SERCLERP

CFB Name: L. Wah Sea Clap Ay

Name Unscrambled: Oil Peels

Player: IF Florian Peyrichou

ERMAHGERD Translation: FLERERN PERERCHER

CFB Name: Flo Rida Pikachu

Name Unscrambled: Final Euphoric

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COUNTRY: Germany

Player: LHP Enorbel Marquez

ERMAHGERD Translation: ERNERBERL MAHRQERZ

CFB Name: E. Normal Mark Is

Name Unscrambled: Noble Azure

Player: IF Maximilian Boldt

ERMAHGERD Translation: MAHXERMAHLERN BERLDT

CFB Name: Maximal Ian Bolt

Name Unscrambled: Mailman Old

Player: IF Jendrick Speer

ERMAHGERD Translation: JERNDRERCK SPER

CFB Name: Gender Ick Sphere

Name Unscrambled: Inked Pees

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The Third World Baseball Classic: A Preview/Introduction

TWBC

The World Baseball Classic is under way. Players from all around the world have come together in empty stadiums to engage in the pleasures of sport. But while the fun and games are going on, there is a more important issue to address. You see, this WBC has created some confusion in regards to the title. It has been confused with another, more competitive, international baseball tournament; the Third World Baseball Classic.

Every year, the TWBC invites underdeveloped countries to compete for the title of “Best Underprivileged Baseball Squadron”. While the quality of baseball is significantly lower than that of the WBC, the TWBC has story lines that would make Putin cry. Players born without the ability to see, hear, or even play baseball thrive on an international stage in front of millions.

What makes the TWBC really unique is the resourcefulness present among the organizers. Instead of bats; teams use pipes and other assorted metal scraps lying around their respective dilapidated cities. Instead of real rubber bases, lines are drawn in the dirt to symbolize where bases would be. This causes an understandable number of delays after slides. Another charming quality of the TWBC is that the 7th inning stretch is actually the entire game because none of the stadiums have comfortable seats.

Spread the word about this tournament. While the World Baseball Classic is full of awesome talent and national pride, this month’s real gem is the Third World Baseball Classic which shines as a beacon for the underdeveloped across the world.

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Pool A: Games played in Mogadishu Stadium — Mogadishu, Somalia

  • Iraq
  • Trinidad
  • Somalia
  • Yemen

Somalia’s militia/middle infielders

Favorites: As a perennial poverty powerhouse playing on its home turf, Somalia has to be the head honcho in this pool. Whether or not the Trinidadian team can find a ride to Mogadishu will dictate whether or not they get out of this group.

Stadium Preview: Mogadishu Stadium

It’s not exactly in the best condition, and it’s a bit unclear where the bullpens, dugouts, bases, field, fences and pretty much everything will be. The photo on the right seems to indicate a pitcher’s park, with straightaway center field roughly about 500 feet away from home plate. As if that wasn’t enough, the half demolished press box is clearly in the hitter’s sight lines. And we know what effect that kind of thing has.The photo on the left indicates a wildlife presence, which most park factors don’t account for. Assuming the teams bring their automatic weapons, this shouldn’t be much of an issue. I’m curious to see how the slick Iraqi infielders handle grounders on this rugged surface. The outfielders should be in a fairly normal alignment, except of course when facing the strangely 100% left-handed Yemen squad. Very excited to see some baseball here.

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Pool B: Games played in National Sports Stadium — Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia

  • Mongolia
  • Afghanistan
  • Tanzania
  • Papa New Guinea

Genghis Khan: Mongolia’s Only Hall of Famer

Favorites: Afghanistan has dominated international competition since 2001, but have a weaker team this go round. That being said, they should get out of a relatively weak group. Tourney dark horse Mongolia should also be competitive. Not many people know about this team, who haven’t won anything significant since the 14th century.

Stadium Preview: National Sports Stadium

monglolia

The picture on the left is a pretty clear shot of this beautiful facility. The picture on the right is a larger scale version of the majority of the results when you Google Image “National Sports Stadium Mongolia”. No, seriously. Anyway, this looks to be a more neutral park, with fairly deep gaps but short down the lines. These teams are much more fortunate to be playing on a field with actual grass and even in front of a few fans. Much like Oakland, there is plenty of foul territory. This should give the defensive wizard playing catcher for Team Tanzania a considerable advantage. I expect some low scoring affairs.

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Pool C: Games played in the fields surrounding Osama Bin Laden’s Compound — Abbottabad, Pakistan

  • Pakistan
  • Congo
  • Sierra Leone
  • Haiti

Home-field Advantage Might Not Be Enough for Pakistan

Favorites: The Haitian team has true star potential. They left home on a raft two years ago to save travel costs and should arrive in Pakistan this week. Despite a strong home-field advantage, the Pakistanis won’t get out of this tough group whose last spot will go to whichever poor African country is in the news at that particular time.

Stadium Preview: Garden Outside Bin Laden’s Crib

This is the Coors Field of the TWBC; the offenses could really get going here. If the Haitian team’s pull hitters can start roping some line drives into the cracks of the wall and into the compound, we will most likely be seeing some inside-the-park home run records, as the compound is obviously completely off limits. It’s unclear if the men sitting against the wall in the distance are where the bullpen will be, but if it is, this might be a factor. The sheer distance that a reliever will have to run to get to the mound could have a huge effect, especially when we have no idea where the mound even is. It’s certainly a short fence, which should play well for Team Sierra Leone, who is notorious for their fly ball rate. This will be a very interesting pool to follow. I’m sticking with Haiti.

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Pool D: Games played in Tropicana Field – Tampa, Florida

  • Madagascar
  • Ethiopia
  • Antarctica Scientific Research Base
  • Bangladesh

Bangladesh: A Home For Color Blind Japanese People

Favorites: Stocked with Americans, the Antarctic research team should be a good bet to make it out of this group.  Madagascar, another island team with travel problems, might have too much to overcome in this pool. The Ethiopian team has historically been weak because they approach baseball like food so they just sit down and play with the dirt the whole time. Also, Bangladesh.

Stadium Preview: Tropicana Field

Simply the worst of the worst. On the totem pole of disastrous baseball fields, this is clearly at the bottom. These teams will struggle to maintain their enthusiasm for the event, but hopefully they can get through it. The abysmal lighting, the horrendous roof…the artificial turf…these four unlucky teams just wish they were in Pool A, playing in the friendly confines  of Mogadishu Stadium.

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#CFB