WashU Baseball Derp

As you may or may not know, I am on the college baseball team at Washington University in St. Louis. For the conference tournament, the entire league makes its way down to Sanford, Florida for a week of sun, Tinder pranks, and baseball.

My teammate Brad Margolin has a dad. Brad’s dad has a camera and a happy trigger finger. This means that Brad’s dad successfully documented an entire week’s-worth of derpy photos. These are those derp photos for your viewing and hopefully, laughing pleasure.

(For more on “derp”, please visit our friends at Productive Outs, the heroes who popularized this phrase.)

The “I’ve Been On The Toilet For 3 Days” Face

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It was a tough tournament for pitcher Chris Sanderson, catcher C.J. Price, pitcher Max Zhang, and LF Brandon Deger, as all four guys had trouble making poo poo all week. Apparently they took such efforts off the toilet and on to the field. Keep pushing boys! Your Big Poop will come one day…

The “Sexy and Seductive” Face

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Some people on this earth are born to woo. These four pitchers, Max Cormier, Nick Gollin, Ian Kelso, and Dom Quaranta take no breaks from their eternal quest to seduce. Part of me wants to push Dom’s tongue back into his mouth, but at the same time, part of me doesn’t. Keep seducing, gentlemen. We applaud you.

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A Journey Into the Mind of Heath Bell

This past Saturday night, Heath Bell blew his seventh save of the season. His catastrophic outings have spawned #TheHeathBellExperience and the baseball internet just loves to bash him on a seemingly nightly basis. But what’s his side of the story?

Here is a brief journey into the mind of Heath Bell.

“Welp, another day, another four runs allowed. Might as well wear a questionable graphic t-shirt and take a selfie in an elevator”

“Really? You’ve got a two run lead with the heart of the order coming up and you’re bringing ME in? Hilarious.”

“haha I’m a baseball pitcher”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BASES ARE LOADED AND NOBODY’S OUT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

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Previewing the 2013 Home Run Derpy

Several weeks ago, Ian Miller and Riley Breckenridge were talking about the upcoming Home Run Derby on their Prodcast. There was an off-hand comment about how they should have a Home Run Derpy tournament instead. So if we’re stealing the idea…we apologize deeply. But it was a difficult thing to pass up. This isn’t exactly a tournament, but it’s an appreciation of our eight participants in a slightly different manner. It’s a shame Jeff Karstens won’t be the one pitching to them next Monday night. Anyway, let’s get started.

The American League

CAPTAIN: New York Yankees 2B Robinson Cano

Baltimore Orioles 1B Chris Davis

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So Kyle Blanks Walked Off the Phillies…

Last night, Padres first baseman/outfielder/resident gargantuan scored the tying run in the bottom of the ninth when Carlos Ruiz allowed a passed ball. In the bottom of the tenth, Blanks hit a walk-off single with the bases loaded to win the game for San Diego. None of this matters because I’ve been waiting for Kyle Blanks to do something interesting just to remind everyone that

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEW CHRIS DAVIS SHIRTLESS PICS

So I was at my grandfather’s house the other day cleaning up some of his old stuff in the basement. As I sifted through piles of aged rubbish, I couldn’t help but think that there might be something valuable for me to find. Lo and behold, under a pile of 30 year old pharmacy receipts, I found something wonderful. Something incoherently perfect. Something bold, beautiful, and bicep-laden. I found new Chris Davis photos. Total coincidence that he hit two bombs today. Drool at your own safety.

This pic shows Davis in peak physical shape; his 8-pac bulging out of his Thor-like chest.

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.gifs From Last Night: Bourn To Be Derp

Tigers vs. Indians

  • Oh we’ve totally seen this before. Slugger drives one to the warning track. CF wanders over. Ball bounces off CF and into seats for a home run. All center fielders deal with the shame in different ways. Some freak out, some laugh, some cry. Michael Bourn does all three and more:

“Wait. What? No. No. No.”

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World Baseball Classic Retrospective: The Best of International Nomenclature

Two months ago today, the Netherlands defeated Cuba 7-6 in an extremely exciting game of international baseball.

We got caught up in a lot of other stuff once the regular season rolled around, but we’d like to finish these up because they’re fun. The three parts completed included the 12 countries that did not actually qualify for the tournament. This post will include all 16 countries that qualified. It’s gonna be a lot. Here we go.

(Also, if you haven’t read about the Third World Baseball Classic yet, and you are not overly sensitive, please click here)

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