Rzepczynski a Scrabble Fraud?

Dude Looks Like Guy Fawkes

Yesterday the St. Louis Cardinals agreed to a one year 1.1 million dollar contract with reliever Marc Rzepcynski. No, that name isn’t the product of a meth addict falling asleep on a keyboard. Rzepcynski was actually a valuable part of the Cardinals bullpen that won the World Series in 2011. Out of this derp-worthy last name name came the nickname Scrabble. Obviously Rzepczynski is more than 7 tiles, the maximum a scrabbler can hold at one time, but that’s not the point. The joke here is that both the name Rzepcynski and the game scrabble have lots of letters, but is this beloved nickname as fitting as we think? Can one really make that many words from the letters in Rzepcynski? Does Joe Maddon know Steve Madden? Lets find out.

According to grenci.com (sure that’ s not Greinke?) Rzepcynski can be rearranged to make 156 words. According to the established counting system in our society, that’s a lot of words. Here are some of the highlights:

3 Letter Words: 

  • Cry
  • Irk
  • Pin
  • Rye

4 Letter Words

  • Irks
  • Yerk
  • Zerk

5 Letter Words

  • Perky
  • Prick
  • Risky
  • Penis

6 Letter Words

  • Crikey
  • Pinker
  • Prices
  • Crispy
  • Nicker

7 Letter Words

  • Princes
  • Snicker

8 Letter Words

  • Snickery

Looks like Rzepcynski really was a good set of scrabble letters after all. Rest easy all those who weren’t resting so easy; Rzepcynski is safe. So in conclusion, we now know the name Rzepcynski is

  • Impossible to spell
  • A horrible pet name
  • Bartolo Colon’s wife’s safety word
  • Fun to make words from
  • A good scrabble hand

The Ballad of Milton Bradley

Milton Bradley

Last thursday former Expos, Indians, Dodgers, Athletics, Padres, Rangers, Cubs, and Mariners center fielder Milton Bradley was charged with 13 misdemeanor counts of assault. The charges are serious, he faces up to 13 years in prison, and his actions malicious as Bradley is accused of threatening and abusing his wife at least 5 times since 2011.

Bradley is 34. If he had reached his enormous potential, he would probably still be playing baseball right now. Bradley’s career was littered with uncontrolled emotional outbursts and unnecessary confrontations. Here are just a few of them:

  • August 2003: Pulled over for speeding, but refused the ticket and sped away. Pled innocent to speeding and fleeing charges. Spent three days in jail.
  • March 2004: Banned from Indians training camp after not running out a popup. He was traded to the Dodgers weeks later.
  • June 2004: Ejected from a game for arguing balls and strikes. Later emerged from the dugout and threw a ball bag on to the field.
  • September 2004: Suspended for remainder of season after he picked up a bottle thrown at him by a fan and threw it back into the crowd and screamed at the fan.
  • September 2007: Tore ACL while being held back by manager Bud Black after arguing with an umpire.

The list goes on, but I won’t bore you with the details. Throughout his career Bradley deservingly gained a label for being troublemaker. He moved around a lot, 8 teams in 11 years, and created incidents wherever he went. His bad attitude a result of an extremely difficult childhood, Bradley’s play dropped off a cliff after he signed a three year deal with the cubs in 2009.  Bradley came from a broken home and never really seemed to have any significant support system. There’s no way to rationalize or make excuses for Bradley, what he did was horrible, but his difficult upbringing undoubtedly played a role in his own struggles.

It’s important to consider that Bradley wasn’t a horrible person. After an altercation with a Royals announcer in 2008 Bradley spoke to the Rangers’ clubhouse in tears and said “All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had, that’s it. I love you guys… I’m strong, but not thats strong.” He also worked with children’s charities in the LA area during his time with the Dodgers and founded two baseball academies near his Long Beach home. Bradley certainly felt obligated to help those less fortunate then himself, but deeply troubled he never found enough support to save him from himself.

The discussion in baseball recently has focused around how Major League Baseball looks down upon steroid and drug use, but doesn’t see the need to police  things like DUI’s, and wife beatings. Instead of debating over steroid use, the office of MLB should put more focus on actually helping players like Bradley and Jones. There are flawed human beings in every facet of society and baseball isn’t dealing with an epidemic, but the journey to the majors is a  taxing process on one’s emotion. Setting up stronger support systems for players that lack such a thing might help minimize tragic stories like Bradley’s.

My Name’s LaRoche

Adam LaRoche signs 2 year deal with Washington Nationals

Finally. After months of back and forth, Laroche finally agreed to the Nationals two-year offer instead of the three year deal he really wanted. Laroche always wanted to stay in Washington and will start the year as the Nats first baseman, but this creates a overload of players. The Nats will now have to trade Michael Morse or be forced to lose significant value by putting him on the bench. This contract is extremely friendly for the Nats especially if Laroche produces like he did last year, but it does create other issues for roster construction.

Dealing With Your Natitude in the Offseason

Michael Morse Is Yelling At You To Deal With It

So you lived in a city without a competitive baseball team, when all of a sudden you’re swept off your feet by a rag-tag group of dreamers. A gloriously hot Washington summer followed, full of overpriced pizza, president races, and horrible walk-up music. Then came the playoffs and you thought you regained your faith in humanity when Teddy won. Then came what seemed to be the biggest moment in Washington baseball history. And in the 9th inning of game 5 it all seemed so perfect, how could all this go wrong? Well it did go wrong. And it was tragic, and depressing, and sad, and you felt it in your stomach for days. And now you have to deal with it.

Your natitude is probably un-ignited right now. It’s probably off in the corner of your bedroom gathering dust because you couldn’t bring yourself to look at a curly W for a while. Ignoring your natitude might be the best idea for right now, but if you plan on your natitude to keep you warm during the cold winter, you’re going to need to find other ways to get that shit ignited.

  • Find a fat guy named Teddy and challenge him to a race. 
  • When buying a 4 dollar beer, give the cashier 4 extra dollars to replicate a stadium environment.
  • Find Terrence at a Wizards game.
  • Get Tommy John surgery on your elbow just for funsies.
  • Shoot your gun out the window of your car 
  • Do your eyeliner like this.
  • Say RGIII all the time regardless of the context.

Peace. Love. Natitude. Baseball.

Jonathan Broxton Is Fat

Two men. One pant.

Here are some facts

  • This is a picture of Tim Collins and Everett Teaford fitting into one pair of Jonathan Broxotn’s pants.
  • Collins is 5″7, 170 pounds. Teaford is 5″11, 157 pounds. Broxton is 6″4, 300 pounds.
  • Jonathan Broxton was traded mid-season. I hope his pants were too.
  • Those are some huge pants.
  • I don’t know who Everett Teaford is.
  • Jonathan Broxton is fat.

Enjoy your monday.

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=22947691&topic_id=&c_id=mlb&tcid=vpp_copy_22947691&v=3

Potential Logjams: Mariners

Mariners DH/1B/C: John Jaso, Jesus Montero, Kendrys Morales,  Justin Smoak.

The current Mariners depth chart has Montero behind the dish with Morales at DH and Smoak at first. This leaves Jaso on the bench. This plan has a major issue: Jesus Montero’s defense. The problem with Jesus Montero’s defense is that it is awful, as bad as it gets. I was watching an Orioles-Mariners game with my mother. She turned to me and asked why the Seattle catcher looked so silly. It’s that bad. The late Gary Carter rolls over in his grave whenever Montero gets into his crouch. His name might be Jesus, but his defensive ability is sinful.

The Mariners cannot play Montero at catcher for 100 games and expect positive results. Montero’s position is hitter and the Mariners will probably come to grips with this at some point this year. They must platoon Montero with Jaso at least half the time as to not be completely killed by Montero’s defense. Putting Jaso at catcher moves Jesus to DH because Montero’s bat needs to be in the lineup. This is where the real problem comes to life. Morales or Smoak?

If the Mariners are ready to declare Smoak a bust, this makes everything easier. This doesn’t seem to be the case though, but trading for Morales was a warning to Smoak, that if he doesn’t start fulfilling the potential he had when the Mariners got him in the Cliff Lee deal, he won’t continue to play on a regular basis. Morales and Smoak should split at bats at the start of the season, but if Smoak doesn’t pick it up as the season wears on expect the M’s to play Morales more regularly.

This logjam doesn’t even take into account Jason Bay and Raul Ibanez, both signed this offseason, both old, both incapable of playing defense. The Mariners could be a suprise contender if they play their hand right, but if not they end up giving too much playing time to defensively inept guys like Montero, Bay, and Ibanez.

New Years Resolutions

So now that the excitement of balls dropping is over, its time to talk new years resolutions. I asked a player on each team around the league about their new years resolutions. The answers were startlingly beautiful and I thought I would share them with you. Keep in mind that all of these are about as real as Dee Gordon’s power potential.

Arizona Diamondbacks: Willie Bloomquist

  • Willie’s New Years Resolution is to find out what the hell a Didi Gregorius is.

Atlanta Braves: Andrelton Simmons

  • Andrelton just wants to find a jockstrap big enough to satisfy his needs.

Baltimore Orioles: Pedro Strop

  • Pedro has decided to wear his hat like a regular human being.

Boston Red Sox: Mo Vaughn

  • Mo’s gonna lose some weight this year.

Chicago Cubs: David DeJesus

  • As “The-Jesus”, David is looking forward to his holy New Years Resolutions, which include turning water to wine, saving lost souls, and helping the Astros win 60 games.

Chicago White Sox: Chris Sale

  • Chris Sale is going to continue trying to become eligible for Tommy John.

Cincinnati Reds: Todd Frazier

  • Todd just wants to let Scott Rolen know that he’s sorry.

Cleveland Indians: Jason Kipnis

  • Jason wants to be not living in Cleveland by year’s end.

Colorado Rockies: Michael Cuddyer

  • Michael’s resolution is to show that he’s a strong independant man that don’t need no UZR

Detroit Tigers: Miguel Cabrera

  • Miggy’s resolution is to stop WAR in its tracks.

Houston Astros: Carlos Pena

  • Carlos just wants to hit some homers and doesn’t give a crap about anything else.

Kansas City Royals: Alex Gordon

  • Alex said “I’m looking forward to welcoming new teammate Wil My–” *holds back tears* “– er sorry” He stammered “I meant James Shields… not… Will… Myers…” 

Los Angeles Dodgers: Clayton Kershaw

  • Clayton is planning to find out what Brandon League could have possibly done to deserve 21.5 Million.

Miami Marlins: Logan Morrison

  • LoMo’s resolution is to raise his OPS above his DTAPP (Daily Tweets At Probably Prostitutes)

Milwaukee Brewers: Ricky Weeks

  • Along with his brother in Oakland, Ricky is planning to “parent trap” Major League Baseball itself.

Minnesota Twins: Aaron Hicks

  • Aaron’s resolution is to be just like his mentors Ben Revere and Denard Span and get the hell out of Minnesota.

New York Mets: Johan Santana

  • Johan swears he won’t throw 134 pitches in a game again, even if he’s in the middle of a no hitter.

New York Yankees: Mark Teixeira

Oakland Athletics: Yoenis Cespedes

  • Yoenis told me he wanted to plan a family dinner online, but was having some trouble setting up a website. I felt bad letting him know that the domain cespedesfamilybarbecue.com was taken.

Philadelphia Phillies: Michael Young

  • Michael is looking forward to leaving Texas and bringing his 80 Class to Philly, where his talent-to-intangibles ratio fits in better with the team, as well as the city.

Pittsburgh Pirates: A.J. Burnett

  • A.J.’s claims he’s going to turn over a new leaf this season and only get 6 new tattoos.

St. Louis Cardinals: Oscar Tavares

  • OSCAR WANTS TO SWING BAT FAST.

San Diego Padres: Chase Headley

  • Chase Headley is set on proving that he doesn’t need a smaller Petco to terrify you with a wooden stick and his mind.

San Francisco Giants: Angel Pagan

  • The Giants’ center fielder will devote most of his time towards finding out whether he is angel, pagan, human, or dancer.

Seattle Mariners: John Jaso

  • After being traded for a rapist, John’s goal is to be traded to a more offensive friendly ballpark, for someone without a criminal record.

Tampa Bay Rays: David Price

  • Price wants to find his dog, Astro, a significant other. Price’s dog is excited to be the second best Astro in Major League Baseball.

Texas Rangers: Ron Washington

  • Ron’s resolution is a two-pronged plan. He is either going to personally bring Michael Young back to Arlington or he is going to trade himself to the Philies for the ghost of Juan Pierre and a cheesesteak.

The The Angels Angels of Anaheim: CJ Wilson

  • This year CJ promised himself he would just chill out and relax.

Toronto Blue Jays: Emilio Bonifacio

  • Emilio just wants you to remember that he exists.

Washington Nationals: Jayson Werth

  • Jayson swore that he would try his best to evacuate the letter “Y” from his first name.