This is a picture of former uber-prospect Greg Golson from 2004. It is as if he looked into the future 10 years and saw what had come of his career.
Sadness
Author Archives: Jordan Shusterman
IMPORTANT: JEFF FRANCIS FROM 2002
I’m not saying he looked like Shia LaBeouf but like…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The 25 Greatest Finds of the Clearance Rack at SportsWorld
We went to the Cubs-Angels game last night at Wrigley Field. While the game was a lot of fun, and Alfonso Soriano is happy and amazing, the real gem of the night was the SportsWorld shop across the street from the stadium. We headed straight to the clearance section because we had no interest in buying a $200 Darwin Barney jersey or any other legit Cubs apparel. What we found was better than anything we could have possibly expected/hoped for. What follows is a countdown of the 25 most incredible jersey/shirseys we found.
25. Doug/Dog Fister: No Verlander jersey in sight, just this poor replica jersey of the Dog Fister himself.
24. Steve Lombardozzi: Everybody loves scrappy switch-hitting utility players. Get yourself a Lombo jersey.
Update: Chris Davis Still Not Blinking (And Still Amazing)
In late April, I explored Chris Davis’ ridiculous start to the season and what might have caused it. Nearly three months later, my hypothesis has been all but scientifically proven.
Chris Davis has yet to blink once this entire season.
He is too focused on breaking every possible non-Barry Bonds record ever set. Davis is currently second only to Miguel Cabrera in FanGraphs WAR at 4.8. He’s slugging .731. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. He has a commanding lead in the home run department at 32 on the year. To be nice, Chris Davis has yet to steal a base this year. He feels that would be unfair. Anyway, let’s just get to the overwhelming evidence.
Here is Chris Davis not blinking moments before getting slapped by a friendly teammate:
Here is Chris Davis not blinking while avoiding looking at Justin Morneau’s questionable moustache:
Pitching Backwards: The New Normal
We thought that we had seen the last of it.
Garrett Richards showed us what it meant to stretch the limits of pitching mechanics.
Earlier this week, Marlins phenom Jose Fernandez did it again.
What happened today is completely unprecedented. Two pitchers on two different teams performed their personal rendition of what seems to be baseball’s newest trend. The Chicago Cubs were in Oakland facing the A’s. Cubs starter Travis Wood had held the Cubbies scoreless through 3.2 innings when Nate Freiman…approached the plate.
These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Hey Adam Jones
So basically, Orioles outfielder Adam Jones hasn’t drawn a walk since May 18th.
That’s 174 consecutive plate appearances without drawing a walk.
He’s now got a 66-8 K/BB ratio through 359 plate appearances.
COME ON ADAM. YOU’RE GOOD AT BASEBALL. DO ONE OF THE THINGS THAT SORTA SHOWS THAT YOU’RE GOOD AT BASEBALL. LIKE ONCE. PLEASE. kthxbye.
In other news…
9 Things We Learned at Nationals Park On A Tuesday In June
This past Tuesday, Jake and I attended our first major league baseball game of the 2013 season. We watched the Arizona Diamondbacks lose to the Washington Natitudes 7-5 after nine innings of surprisingly mediocre baseball.
Boring game recaps be damned; here are the nine things we learned from this night of based ballz.
1. Wade Miley Is Almost Definitely Related To Miley Cyrus
During batting practice, we were kindly heckling some Diamondbacks players in right field as they shagged fly balls and probably talked about dirty things. At one point, Ian Kennedy and Wade Miley simultaneously drifted back for a fly ball. Kennedy grabbed it, but it was a near collision. After criticizing for their lack of communication, we finally had Wade’s attention. We had to ask.
“WADE ! ARE YOU RELATED TO MILEY ?!”
“What ?”
“You know…Miley…”
“Oh yeah…she’s my sister.”
Case closed.
2. Trevor Cahill Is Large
When the D-backs starter for the night emerged from the dugout, we were surprised by the sheer size of him. He’s listed at 6″4 220 lbs but he looked to be the biggest player on the team. Just a big dude.
3. There Is No Minimum Height To Be On the Washington Nationals Grounds Crew
We were sure this was Jose Altuve just doing some adorable charity work, but it seems to just be some lucky kid tasked with carrying a hose around. Sidenote: The Fox Sports West reporter at the bottom of the picture looked remarkably unhappy for the entire game.
2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably
We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.
THE PICKS
THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic Player From Marginally Impressive University
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential
THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch
THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white
THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States
THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut
2013 NBA Draft Recap Probably
We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever
THE PICKS
THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic African-American Player From Marginally Impressive University
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential
THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch
THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; has a lot of black friends; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white
THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States
THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut
So Kyle Blanks Walked Off the Phillies…
Last night, Padres first baseman/outfielder/resident gargantuan scored the tying run in the bottom of the ninth when Carlos Ruiz allowed a passed ball. In the bottom of the tenth, Blanks hit a walk-off single with the bases loaded to win the game for San Diego. None of this matters because I’ve been waiting for Kyle Blanks to do something interesting just to remind everyone that
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE 