Jake’s Draft Trinkets

Hello all. The draft! Yay!!!!

Houston Astros: March Apple

  • I totally thought Kevin died, good to see he lives on.
  • I’m sure Appel will fit in great in the most Christian city in America? Maybe?
  • I love Appel’s floor almost as much as Appel loves Jesus Christ.

Chicago Cubs: Crisp Rye Ant

  • Kerry Wood in the house is giving everyone the sads.
  • Two Christs in a row.
  • “Jayson Werth, Troy Glaus, and Pat Burrell rolled into one.”

Colorado Rockies: Joan Ass Thing Ray

  • Think about just how far he could throw in Coors.
  • Can’t tell if this is a Superman ad or Gray’s fastball. Huzzah.

Minnesota Twins: Cold Steward

  • Good to see Tony Oliva’s wilting face.
  • From Tomball, Texas, which sounds like a game Tom made up.
  • Player Comparison: Josh Beckett (Does that mean he golfs and acts like a drunk hobo too? Go Twins!)

Cleveland Indians: Clit Rager

  • Rumor around town is that Indians will take hometown kid Sitting Bull.
  • Do you want some sushi with that ginger?
  • That is the least Indian looking Indian ever, besides Nick Swisher.
  • Frazier is clearly ecstatic to be going to Cleveland… said no one ever.

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