So Much Upton

Now that Justin Upton finally got traded the Braves have two Uptons. Things might get a little confusing in the ATL, but no need to worry CFB is here to help.

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Walk-Up Music, Part 4: The AL West

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Houston Astros:

Second team I’ve found after the MarLOLins that doesn’t list their walk-up music on the official website. I assume I’d just post whatever Jose Altuve’s was a million times, so I don’t think we’re missing out on much.

Los Angeles Angels:

howie kendrick

Born in Jacksonville, and the owner of an incredibly heavy southern accent, Howie Kendrick is clearly just pandering to the locals to show his Cali loyalty.

scott downs

“Eight Second Ride” also refers to Downs’ 2003 season. He started one game, in which he gave up 5 runs over three innings. That was it.

vernon wells

“I never forgot about Dre. Not even once. And that’s why I deserve this job.”

Oakland Athletics:

coco crisp

*bernies*

grant balfour

*cut to Balfour on the Extreme level of Guitar Hero III*

eric sogard

THAT IS AN ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYER.

Seattle Mariners:

dustin ackley

Oh man, this one is too good. The same day I found this, Jeff Sullivan came out with this brilliant piece of analysis.

jason bay

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha wait no i like the Mariners :(

john jaso

It…still…hurts… </3

Texas Rangers: 

alexi ogando

I was completely unaware there was an alternate version of this song, but I’m glad Ogando is the one using it.

mitch moreland

Uh oh Chad Tracy, looks like you’re not the only bearded left-handed first baseman who needs a T-shirt.

konrad schmidt

?!?!??!?!?

Walk-Up Music, Part 3: The NL East

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Atlanta Braves:

bj upton

Not as much the song, I just love how the Braves site spelled Wale.

gerald laird

I just love Gerald Laird’s face. It’s just so “haha what is going on okay i am happy”, and God fucking bless him.

dan uggla

Unquestionably the most accurate of any I’ve come across, Dan Uggla undoubtedly doesn’t really care. Like, at all.

“Got bitches by the pair, I’m baller of the year
And haters everywhere but I don’t really care
No I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t really care”

….and his name ! is Dan ! Ugggggggglaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!

Miami Marlins:

I don’t know if the Marlins traded the walk-up music section of their site to Toronto as well, but it certainly seems that way. I cannot find a current list of their team’s walk-up songs. FOR SHAME, LORIA !!!

New York Mets:

dillon gee

80 Beard. Only in Crazy Town.

justin turner

Third Carly Rae appearance. Come on Justin Turner, you’re the most generic scrappy white utility infielder ever…choose something weirder !

mike nickeas

I don’t know if the Mets forgot to take this down from their site after the mind-blowing trade that sent superstar Mike Nickeas and a few other players to Toronto, or if they’re just in denial. Strange.

Philadelphia Phillies:

erik kratz

kratz gif

#TeamErik

Washington Nationals:

chad tracy

“Chad Tracy Is My Homeboy” shirts don’t exist yet, right ? Okay cool, I’ll get on that.

jayson werth

A warehouse: “A large building where raw materials or manufactured goods may be stored before their export or distribution for sale”, or, the last possible place you would ever want to meet Jayson Werth for the first time.

craig stammen

Oh god, literally the most cliche you could ever have but I’ve yet to see it until now. I am really disappointed in you, Craig Stammen. BE BETTER.

The Ballad of Milton Bradley

Milton Bradley

Last thursday former Expos, Indians, Dodgers, Athletics, Padres, Rangers, Cubs, and Mariners center fielder Milton Bradley was charged with 13 misdemeanor counts of assault. The charges are serious, he faces up to 13 years in prison, and his actions malicious as Bradley is accused of threatening and abusing his wife at least 5 times since 2011.

Bradley is 34. If he had reached his enormous potential, he would probably still be playing baseball right now. Bradley’s career was littered with uncontrolled emotional outbursts and unnecessary confrontations. Here are just a few of them:

  • August 2003: Pulled over for speeding, but refused the ticket and sped away. Pled innocent to speeding and fleeing charges. Spent three days in jail.
  • March 2004: Banned from Indians training camp after not running out a popup. He was traded to the Dodgers weeks later.
  • June 2004: Ejected from a game for arguing balls and strikes. Later emerged from the dugout and threw a ball bag on to the field.
  • September 2004: Suspended for remainder of season after he picked up a bottle thrown at him by a fan and threw it back into the crowd and screamed at the fan.
  • September 2007: Tore ACL while being held back by manager Bud Black after arguing with an umpire.

The list goes on, but I won’t bore you with the details. Throughout his career Bradley deservingly gained a label for being troublemaker. He moved around a lot, 8 teams in 11 years, and created incidents wherever he went. His bad attitude a result of an extremely difficult childhood, Bradley’s play dropped off a cliff after he signed a three year deal with the cubs in 2009.  Bradley came from a broken home and never really seemed to have any significant support system. There’s no way to rationalize or make excuses for Bradley, what he did was horrible, but his difficult upbringing undoubtedly played a role in his own struggles.

It’s important to consider that Bradley wasn’t a horrible person. After an altercation with a Royals announcer in 2008 Bradley spoke to the Rangers’ clubhouse in tears and said “All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had, that’s it. I love you guys… I’m strong, but not thats strong.” He also worked with children’s charities in the LA area during his time with the Dodgers and founded two baseball academies near his Long Beach home. Bradley certainly felt obligated to help those less fortunate then himself, but deeply troubled he never found enough support to save him from himself.

The discussion in baseball recently has focused around how Major League Baseball looks down upon steroid and drug use, but doesn’t see the need to police  things like DUI’s, and wife beatings. Instead of debating over steroid use, the office of MLB should put more focus on actually helping players like Bradley and Jones. There are flawed human beings in every facet of society and baseball isn’t dealing with an epidemic, but the journey to the majors is a  taxing process on one’s emotion. Setting up stronger support systems for players that lack such a thing might help minimize tragic stories like Bradley’s.

Sammy Sosa Joins Pinterest

Legendary Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa recently created an account on the social-networking website Pinterest, which he has been updating vigilantly ever since. Sosa, known on the site, clumsily, as “sammysosamr609,” lately has spent the time he’s saved by not getting into the Hall of Fame by using Pinterest, which describes itself as an online bulletin board for sharing photos. He mostly posts portraits of himself in several different outfits, many poses, and exactly one facial expression, one that makes you think his new favorite PED is Botox.

Every single portrait has the exact same caption – “Sammy Sosa. Yes, I’m the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest.” – as if he felt that he really needed to convince people. Sammy, it’s okay, you don’t need to try so hard. After years of trying to convince people you didn’t take steroids, this argument should be a cinch for you. Every picture on the feed is a portrait like that, except for one which is just text that says “We Love Home” in a swooshy script with a heart in it. This is also the only photo that does not have that same caption – instead, Sammy has written, insightfully, “I know I do! :)”.

Sammy’s a handsome guy, but he doesn’t quite fill out his outfits the same way he did a Cubs uniform. The suit he wears in many of his pictures is a nice color, but his tie knot, like his batting stance, deserves some criticism for being too wide.

One of the strangest things about the pictures, though, is that he seems to always be pointing to something. This is appears to be a man who is obsessed with pointing. He points right at the camera, he points off to the side away from the camera, he points to his chair, he points to his phone. He also frequently puts up peace signs, which allows him to point at two things at once. He shows that he still has some flexibility in his fingers by simultaneously pointing to his computer, which displays his email, and a poster of himself. The most impressive feat is a meta-point: Sammy points to a picture behind him in which he is standing with, and making a peace sign towards, President Obama. This practice is even stranger because it does not seem that anything he is pointing at is something that he could be blaming for unknowingly injecting him.

It is unclear what Sosa hopes to get out of his Pinterest experience. He’s already passed 609 followers and kept updating the page, so it does not seem that he had the intention of having his internet career eclipse his baseball career. Perhaps Sosa is truly trying to repair his reputation so that maybe someday he does have a better chance at being elected to the Hall of Fame. In that case, social-networking would be a good way to go. It’s not surprising that Sosa is trying to expand his online presence, what is surprising is simply that he’s doing it so ineptly. Seriously, doesn’t Sammy know that there are consultants for this kind of thing?

Sammy has a long way to go from getting 12.5 percent of the vote to being voted in to the Hall of Fame. If that really is his goal, then he may have a lot more Pinterest and pointing and wide ties ahead of him, and we will all be better for it.

My Name’s LaRoche

Adam LaRoche signs 2 year deal with Washington Nationals

Finally. After months of back and forth, Laroche finally agreed to the Nationals two-year offer instead of the three year deal he really wanted. Laroche always wanted to stay in Washington and will start the year as the Nats first baseman, but this creates a overload of players. The Nats will now have to trade Michael Morse or be forced to lose significant value by putting him on the bench. This contract is extremely friendly for the Nats especially if Laroche produces like he did last year, but it does create other issues for roster construction.