Walk-Up Music, Part 2: The AL Central

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Chicago White Sox:

jesse crain

Poor twisted you, Jesse Crain. Metallica certainly has its place in the world of walk-up music. It’s made many more appearances than I’ve actually listed here.

gordon beckham

Beckham is the only one I’ve seen so far with FIVE different songs, and it must be a nightmare for the guy running stadium sound.

PA Announcer: “now batting, number fifteen, Gordonnnnn Beckhammmmmm”

Sound dude: “oh crap here we go uhhh CHICKEN FRIED wait what why would you even”

paul konerko

I’m picturing a movie poster with a blown up version of that picture of Paul Konerko with the epic title, “PAUL KONERKO: HARVESTER OF SORROW” starring Paul Konerko, Kenny Williams, and probably Ozzie.

Cleveland Indians:

matt albers

The Indians site did not include many here, so I didn’t have too many good ones to choose from but the idea of jolly ol’ Matt Albers calmly telling someone to “sleep now in the fire” is wonderfully disturbing.

drew stubbs

More Metallica. In this case though, The Devil’s Dance is most likely The Unintentional Walk.

bryan shaw

Am I the only one who thinks he kind of looks like Phineas from “Phineas and Ferb”…? Okay…just checking…

Detroit Tigers:

justin verlander

something about Kate Upton

phil coke

Yeah, Phil Coke would TOTALLY listen to Nickelback. Not even remotely surprised.

andy dirks

Strange choice, as Dirks hasn’t really spent much time on the DL. Maybe he “gets off” on Victor Martinez’ pain which is most of the reason he is still in the lineup maybe I guess I don’t know I am running out of bad jokes :(

Kansas City Royals:

alcides escobar

Second Carly Rae appearance. I mean Alcides still has braces anyway, so he’s basically a teenage girl.

wade davis

Hey Royals fans, go Google Wade Davis (the guy you traded Wil Myers for) and click the first Wikipedia result.

“Edmund Wade Davis (born December 14, 1953) is a Canadian anthropologist…”

wait no

chris getz

I don’t even know…this is just fantastic. GIVE HIM MORE TIME, NED.

Minnesota Twins:

darin mastroianni

“La la la la la la/You never had it so good/ La la la la la la/ You never had it so good…”

Sounds like Darin Mastroanni’s life to me.

jamey carroll

I’ll let Jeff Sullivan take this one.

http://mlb.sbnation.com/2012/1/20/2719960/breaking-baseballs-species-barrier

ryan doumit

Stare into the demonic pools of doom that are Ryan Doumit’s eyes. Question your belief system.

doumit 1

doumit 2

doumit 3

doumit 4

doumit 5

Sweet dreams.

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JNFOTD for 1/9

Miraculously, at some point in 2007 Jason Neighborgall reached Low-A South Bend. He pitched one inning…spread over 5 appearances. In his first appearance, he got current Indians catcher Carlos Santana (then with the Low-A affiliate of the Dodgers, the Great Lakes Loons) to ground out. In that one “inning” Neighborgall faced 22 total batters. He walked 12, hit 3, and gave up 12 runs. Two of his three outs were K’s, but of course one of those K’s was a wild pitch on which the runner reached so actually only one of his THREE outs made were strikeouts.

The Jason Neighborgall Fact of the Day

I’m starting this. I feel kinda bad because the whole Jason Neighborgall story is a bit sad but oh my god his B-R page is unbelievably awesome. Long story short, Jason Neighborgall was a pitcher in the Diamondbacks system with legendary stuff with possibly the worst command of all time. The numbers are staggering. Here’s today’s stat.

i don't fux with BB's

i don’t fux with BB’s

Padres pitching prospect Robbie Erlin is known for his elite pitchability and command. Over 326.2 minor league innings, Erlin has unintentionally walked a total of 50 batters. In Neighborgall’s brief 42.1 inning career, he unintentionally walked ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT BATTERS. Yes, 128.

Dealing With Your Natitude in the Offseason

Michael Morse Is Yelling At You To Deal With It

So you lived in a city without a competitive baseball team, when all of a sudden you’re swept off your feet by a rag-tag group of dreamers. A gloriously hot Washington summer followed, full of overpriced pizza, president races, and horrible walk-up music. Then came the playoffs and you thought you regained your faith in humanity when Teddy won. Then came what seemed to be the biggest moment in Washington baseball history. And in the 9th inning of game 5 it all seemed so perfect, how could all this go wrong? Well it did go wrong. And it was tragic, and depressing, and sad, and you felt it in your stomach for days. And now you have to deal with it.

Your natitude is probably un-ignited right now. It’s probably off in the corner of your bedroom gathering dust because you couldn’t bring yourself to look at a curly W for a while. Ignoring your natitude might be the best idea for right now, but if you plan on your natitude to keep you warm during the cold winter, you’re going to need to find other ways to get that shit ignited.

  • Find a fat guy named Teddy and challenge him to a race. 
  • When buying a 4 dollar beer, give the cashier 4 extra dollars to replicate a stadium environment.
  • Find Terrence at a Wizards game.
  • Get Tommy John surgery on your elbow just for funsies.
  • Shoot your gun out the window of your car 
  • Do your eyeliner like this.
  • Say RGIII all the time regardless of the context.

Peace. Love. Natitude. Baseball.

Walk-Up Music, Part 1: The NL West (because no one ever starts with the NL West)

Hungry Hungry Wily Mo.

Hungry Hungry Wily Mo.

While there are a seemingly unlimited number of ways to experience the game of baseball through social media from the comfort of your own home, there are a few things that you can only truly get by attending a game. One of these, is the walk-up music chosen by the players of the home team. I’ve recently been exposed to the fact that many of the walk-up songs for specific players are available online on each team’s respective site. This is fantastic news for those of us who aren’t so lucky as to visit every MLB park and hear each player’s music. Here at CFB I’m gonna take a look at some of the highlights of this rather awful collection of music that MLB players have decided represent them/pump them up/introduce them best.

(You can find the collection of music by going to a team’s website and looking under the “FANS” tab for a section called “Ballpark Music” or something similar to it.)

Arizona Diamondbacks:

eric hinske

Eric Hinske has maintained a 10.5% walk rate over his 10 year career, so maybe this is just some way to remind the few fans left in the stadium that care about him of that. Maybe he’s reminding himself.  “okay, Eric, take your pitches, take your pitches…” *looks at three straight strikes* “aw well okay maybe next time”

john mcdonald

I don’t know about you, but when I think John McDonald, I think Gangsta Nation.

josh collmenter

And here we have our first Call Me Maybe of the series. I’m curious to see how many more we come across. Josh Collmenter and his hilarious arm slot represent Carly Rae pretty well though. I like it.

Colorado Rockies:

rafael betancourt

Jim Tracy: I don’t know Rafael, you’re really asking for a lot. Giving you the closer role was a big step in our relationship, but everything…

Rafael Betancourt: EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

dj lemaheiu

For whatever reason it took me a while to realize what this was, but now it’s even funnier. I would love to have musical motivation from Lil Wayne if my name was DJ, so this one is absolutely approved.

josh roenicke

“I thought I told you Imma a star/ You see that ice? You see the cars…”

Los Angeles Dodgers:

nick punto

I don’t really know what to say. I just feel extremely uncomfortable.

aaron harang

Aaron Harang looks like Droopy the dog. And apparently he Can’t Stop.

zack greinke

Snow is really cold, but not nearly as cold as Zack Greinke’s soul was whenever this picture was taken. Goodness.

San Diego Padres:

mark kotsay

The  “we” is awfully misleading. Sure, Yasmani Grandal is young. Cameron Maybin is still very young. Maybe he’s referring to San Diego’s incredibly loaded and deep farm system. But Mark Kotsay was drafted a little over two years after top prospect Max Fried was born sooooooooooooooo yeah.

anthony bass

Besides being awfully amused by the name of the band, I wonder if this song plays at Petco every time Bass comes out for another inning, or what. The “More” is a bit unclear as well.

kyle blanks

One of my absolute favorites. “Stinkfist” alone should win Blanks some award but having a song called “The Second Coming” as well is just incredible. He’s Kyle Blanks (!!!). He’s got a career 31.6% strikeout rate and four wonderfully uncoordinated limbs. You go, Kyle Blanks.

San Francisco Giants:

buster posey

“Hell On Wheels” AKA Scott Cousins. Too soon ? Too soon. Whatever, Giants fans. TWO WORLD FUCKING SERIES IN THREE YEARS. Bye.

tim lincecum

Loving the mugshot-esque headshot to go along with the probably bad hip-hop song that I’ve never actually heard. “Loud” just isn’t the word I’d use to describe Lincecum anyway.

dan otero

I honestly have zero idea who Dan Otero is or why he is planning to stop science, but we should probably all be very afraid.

Jonathan Broxton Is Fat

Two men. One pant.

Here are some facts

  • This is a picture of Tim Collins and Everett Teaford fitting into one pair of Jonathan Broxotn’s pants.
  • Collins is 5″7, 170 pounds. Teaford is 5″11, 157 pounds. Broxton is 6″4, 300 pounds.
  • Jonathan Broxton was traded mid-season. I hope his pants were too.
  • Those are some huge pants.
  • I don’t know who Everett Teaford is.
  • Jonathan Broxton is fat.

Enjoy your monday.

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=22947691&topic_id=&c_id=mlb&tcid=vpp_copy_22947691&v=3